Good Memory + Anger Issues+ Wrong People = Lack Of Forgivess

Well, to have forgiveness issues you must have a certain degree of forgiveness ... I lack of forgiveness completely ... there's not any complication in it at all I just have an extremely good memory and I don't deal with my emotions any further than suppressing them and leaving only anger unleashed.

Since "forgive" goes side by side with "forget" it's pretty much obvious that If I can forget then I can't let go, and If I can't let go than I can't forgive... the fact that I've come across in my life mostly with people that have betrayed my trust and damaged me getting me even more f***** up than I was didn't help... the minute my trust issues really began to become stronger so did my lack of forgiveness....

To this date I still remember things  as clearly as if it was yesterday and the worst part is I feel the exact same anger with the same intensity as back then..

This are people that I never talked to again and that I've luckily never come across again... And if I ever do I'll admit that once I walked with them side by side as a friend  and politely remind them how they were anything but....

You can think what you like.... But for the record I have tried to move on. Once I tried some self-therapy went to the beach on winter rainy day and all, screamed at the air till I lost my voice, punched at rocks until the sand was nicely  colored with my blood... and then I got tired... but relief never came, the anger was still there because the memories are still there... and I will not  be able to get rid of them unless I smash my head and either die or become a permanent amnesiac.... 

It's just the way it is

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2 Responses Feb 7, 2010

First I would like to say that I have been in your shoes.Many of us have.We all have trouble with forgiveness at some point.But I must say,and please don't take this the wrong way.Forgiveness does not go side to side with forgetting.Why?Well...There are people whose actions affected you more and there are people whose actions affected you less.Forgiveness doesn't mean to forget,forgiveness means to let release.I had an abusive relationship that lasted for 3 years,and there were many bad things that happened during that time.And I still remember them,I will never forget them,cause if I did forget them,that would mean I haven't learned anything from them.In a way..the things I remember stayed with me,but not to trouble me,but to remind me that in the future..I never let anyone to treat me in a bad way.I understand that you tried in several ways to get rid of it all,try to accept it,even be angry over it,be sad if that is what it takes...but try to find a way to release it.We would all be more than happy if all those bad events we have been through could just be erased from our memory,but it is not what life is about.Try to see them as lessons.Try to understand that these events and these people who hurt you came into your life to teach you,that life is not about only bad things,there are also the good ones.Give yourself time,give yourself space,maybe screaming on a beach will help you for a split second to feel better,but you gotta dig more into yourself..the moment you release it,you will realize what I am trying to tell you.I wish you all the best and good luck ;)

I feel the same way.