The First Grandbaby Blues.

My mother in law is a nice person and don't mind spending time with her, before I got pregnant. But, during my pregnancy and now that the baby is born she says things that put me on the defense.  Things like,"I'll just come and get the baby when I want to see her", and "I'm going to get a new car so that I can take her and her friends where they need to go", and "OUR BABY".  Everything is "our baby".  I have to ask myself was there a third person in the room that night my daughter was conceived? She acts as if my daughter belongs to her.  I don't understand why she can't ASK me for things pertaining to my child.  How can I approach this without being mean but firm?
Sunshinelouie Sunshinelouie
26-30, F
4 Responses Jul 25, 2007

It must be so hard for you. I know how my wife felt when she came home with our first child. It wasn't easy.<br />
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In any case,I just read a little ebook, "How To Get Rid of Your Annoying Mother In Law with some great practical tips to stay sane with a "sick" MIL. Take a look at it at www.valuable-family-relationships-advice.com/mother-in-law-3.html <br><br />
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Some of his ideas helped me, hopefully they will ease your situation also.<br><br />
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Good Luck,<br><br />
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Brad

I would tell her that you don't mind her spending time with the baby, but its yours not hers... and you don't like her calling it her baby..<br />
Have you talked to your husband about it?

I came home from a c-section with my first baby and my husbands whole clan was waiting in my tiny 2 bedroom apartment---they even brought an ill 5 year old step niece. They came over HUNGRY and my husband had not gone grocery shopping while I was in the hospital--I didn't even have milk. I called my sister to pick up milk, deli meat and bread to feed the 6 univited guests---and when my sister showed up they said thank god we were starving. They took over ALL my living room seats and I had to carry a heavy wooden kitchen chair in to sit on---YES w-c-section stiches---Then my sil came over to help out---after I told my husband my mil could help if she cooked cleaned and did chores not deal with the baby (she suddenly couldn't get off work) and my sil proceeded to SLEEP all day on my couch while I did everything. My second was the same scenario except now they were watching my first 21months who no longer took naps after I returned from the hospital and they sat on the couch and watched tv while I did everything and tried to nurse with my fil sitting around watching. Now I am due with my third and we thankfully live 16 hours away---they are already planning to come AGAIN after the baby is born to stay (univited) and they have forgotten to send b-day cards to both my other kids for the last 2 years---obviously I am P.O.'D

Tell her just that. She is the babys grandmother so she has her pull of some strings, but that you are first and foremost the mother and that you have control of any strings pulled. Tell her it is great that she wants to be apart of the childs life. You have taked the role of a mother and she needs to allow you to fullfill it and by doing so means going through you first before assumming it okay.