Cry Little Sister

 I have searched an searched for advice and understanding on Mothers-in-Law who are estranged from their sons. I have found quite a few stories about grown daughters and their mothers being estranged, but not sons and mothers.

About two years ago, there was an estate related schism between my husband and his brothers. His mother got involved and seems to have sided with one brother over mine. She doesn't want anything to do with him (and by extension, me and my children) until he "makes things right" with his brother.

She will not even write or call my husband back when he does communicate with her. She won't even meet up with him at a restaurant or something to talk.

I think she is quite cold and unloving. I know my mother would never treat me that way (I do know I am lucky about that)

Before this schism, my MIL was very involved in my children's lives. She and I never had the warmest relationship, but I thought she really loved my kids. I don't know if she gets along better with little kids and not older ones, because she has said very unflattering things about their clothes and hobbies (to my husband, not to me), seeming to "blame" me for it. Although, I must say this was a few months after the break.

Now she doesn't even send them birthday cards. What is that about?

I did react angrily towards her on the phone, after I found out that my husband's brothers had started a legal proceeding on him - This was during the holidays a couple of years ago, and it was the day after my birthday. I really felt my life was ruined. I am definitely not proud of my reaction to the whole situation, but wonder if I sent an apology it would help.

Sometimes I think I should write one, but I don't know what to say.

I don't even care right now if it would bring her back into our lives.  But I think it would lift some dark cloud off me.

By the way, my husband claims that he doesn't care whether she is in our lives at all, and even that makes me cry.

dustycorner dustycorner
41-45, F
1 Response Mar 9, 2009

It's a sad situation you're in. Your MIL is depriving your kids of that special affection grandparents give. You didn't state exactly what caused the problem but I think you should write her and try to see things from her perspective. Also let her now that her grand-children miss her. She can always keep in touch with just them even if she doesn't want anything to do with her own son and you.<br />
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....GOOD LUCK