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Not Good Enough

My mother expects me to b her shadow,to like things she does & we couldn't b more different. I'm like my dad who my mother know I picked over her-he's dead now. He had 6other kids but I'm her only one. If she is not comparing me to herself then it's my perfect cousins who are better Christians,can cook better, gt better grades. I'm by no means perfect but when will I find me, I'm 23 & have an ok job but when will my life start? I try but I'm not enough. In school I ad so much pressure to perform I barely passed.
I came home late 2months ago & I spent the night outside-this was winter by the way. She calls me a ***** coz I take alcohol, she finds this 'improper'. I have a supportive boyfriend who's been wit me for 4yrs & now I feel like emotionally I need a lot from him which is not supposed to be the case. & it's beginning to affect me & how I think...how can I be enough for him when I'm not enough for my own mother? He's such an awesome guy & he deserves more. I have so much baggage, what if he trades it for someone who has less baggage. This is my breaking point coz it's eating away the most important relationship in my life
BrokenNayana BrokenNayana 22-25, F Jul 2, 2012

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