I Just Want Out

I think mothers just love it when you depend on them. When you need them to help you, when you're growing up, when they are the ones shaping your life. At least mine is like that.

I think the best time of her life was when I was little and she could carry me around, dress me up, make me girly hairdoos and I would be happy as long as I get my doll and a cookie. She eased up in elementary but still, she picked out my clothes, did my hair, i was mummy's little princess. Then at the end of elementary things started changing and went into full gear during high school. That's when all hell broke loose. I am not spending time with her, instead I want to go out with my girlfriends. 'I don't have time to go grocery shopping with you mom, I have a training session, you knew that.' Also, no more hair thingies, I know to do my hair by myself, thank you. And no, I am not wearing THAT. I am not five anymore.

But that was not that of an issue. Maybe a little. But me questioning every part of her belief system was. I didn't mind if I had a bi, gay or straight friend. Or whether their parents did this and that for a living. And I didn't care if they had white, black, yellow, pink or rainbow skin, for that matter. Also, everyone has faults and anyone can make a mistake, I am not going to hate everyone for the rest of my life 'cause they had a moment of weakness.
But telling her she isn't perfect either was a sin. Even though my opinion is that imperfection makes us human, for her that is like slapping her in the face.

So we fight, we argue, then she pretends nothing happened and I just ignore her. I have given myself one year to get a job, get on my feet and leave her. I dont care if she doesn't have anyone. I think I am being fair. I could have told her I was leaving in a months time, as soon as I get that job. But I will help her get accustomed to the single life, and that is why I am giving her a year. Ok, I will not last that long, six months.

There comes a time when you have to let your child go and realize you have done your job as a parent well - your child can cope with the world outside. But being selfish is another thing and that's why I want out. I don't need a life like this and I am done tolerating it and giving in to tears. Period.
insanitycuresboredom insanitycuresboredom
22-25, F
Sep 22, 2012