My mother has slapped me, called me numerous, belittling names, and abusive curses. When she is angry, she will hit me and she will have that look in her eye that will make you think she needs mental help or sessions in anger management. That look will make you think that you are the single most hated person on earth, and the one that deserves all the blame and hatred.
Honestly, it scares me. When I was in 6th grade was the first time she slapped me and called me a *****. Before that, when I was still in elementary school, we would stay up very, very late at night at our apartment arguing very loudly until I am crying for hours in front of the other people we live with. As time passed, I am now in high school. It still scares me. She has high blood pressure, and some of her angers are justified, I admit, but the lengths and extremes in which she becomes enraged and hurtful is too much.
My method of coping right now is that I believe that she is my mother. She gave me life and I should love her for that. Her and my dad are working very hard at her job to provide for us to live this comfortable life, but the way in which she manipulates words into blaming me and demeaning my very existence makes me think I am completely worthless sometimes. Now, the way I handle it, is that I believe I am the higher person and that her words are nothing but blabbers of her venting her anger. I want things to change, but if I ever say anything back and get as angry as she is to me, I don't think things will get better. I love her, I do, and I'm crying as I write this.
I feel she will always see me as a disappointment even though I am taking all advanced classes and achieving decent grades academically. Isn't that what parents want? Good grades mean a good kid, right? I haven't done drugs or drank alcohol like any of my other friends. I have done nothing too bad, at least in my perspective. Nonetheless, to my parents, I am nothing but a spoiled, selfish child with an attitude problem, not deserving of the home or life they provide for me.
In the meantime, I will try to do everything she asks of me, to be nice in order to keep things at bay.
But I don't know what do anymore. My fingers shake as I write this and my breathing shallows because I love my mother. I don't want her to fall into medical issues due to her being mad at me too much or too frequently, but I am a human being. I am not flawless. I have imperfections. Sometimes I don't know what to do.
This is one of those moments.
sienabrowns sienabrowns
18-21
6 Responses Aug 22, 2014

Firstly I'd like to say that her health problems are of her own doing. No matter what you do (and it sounds like you're a great daughter), you are not responsible for her health, her reactions and her feelings. She needs to see a counsellor to deal with her emotions and behaviour. How we react to things is within our own control and if at her age she still doesn't realise this, then she needs help.

Secondly, your parents sound emotionally and physically abusive. It sounds like they are constantly guilt-tripping you, so that you feel you should be grateful to them for just being alive. Giving birth and keeping a child alive is the BARE MINIMUM a parent should do, and parents should not be rewarded for doing only that. Emotional support is absolutely essential. This is a RIGHT not an exceptional gift.

I know you love your mum - but you love her because YOU are a good person, not because SHE has done anything to deserve it.

My advice to you is first of all to keep the above in mind, and secondly, to talk to someone you trust about all of this - a friend, a teacher, preferably someone older who is not related to your parents or friends with them. If you have know anyone who is a good parent, they might be the right person to talk to. I wish you luck and strength.

Thank you, I'm reading this really late, but thank you. I'll follow through with your advice.

Okay your parents are abusive and I'm going to tell you this now the only person whose opinion matters is yours. It will never be enough no matter how much you do well in school they will never see you differently because inside they are ruined.

However you don't have to be ruined you can study hard go to college and build a good life for yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world. You are young and strong and I know you will get through this don't let anyone tell you different.

Wow. I feel the same way towards someone. But the caring for that person anymore was useless to me, so I basically hate that person. I feel like what I just read made me feel so much like that was me who could've wrote that. Those moments with finger shakes and heart hurting I still get that at times. All I always do is try for myself. To do better. In my education and mind and not let others get to me. It's tough to accomplish and it's still something I am working on (getting better for myself only). So I hope your efforts get better with time like I do with mine.

Just understand ur mother situation. I know that your mother loves you alot.

MY step-mother was like that. I'm stillnot sure she had both oars in thewater, but when she got mad, a lot, she was scary. I wish I could offer you some advice, but I can't. You sound like a better child that I was. I acted out, defying her, failing classes just to make her angry. Left home at 18 by joining the Navy. Good luck!

You've done great getting through so far. Love has never and will never be a one way street. If you expect it, you give it.
Do your best and take school for everything you can. Use it to help you get away because that toxic situation and toxic relationship will ruin you.

These things she does to you are not your fault. Her being mad is not your fault. You are a great daughter for worrying so much and trying so hard, but there are some people who you just can't help.

Thank you! I will try my best.