When I was younger she never listened to any of my problems (which were really hard for me to express to begin with!) she always ignored them probably because my brother has sitzophrenia (can't spell it sorry) and she didn't wanna deal with another messed up kid... She always thought I was being over dramatic even though I was at a point where I just wanted to die and was drinking heavily and abusing anti depressants. One time at christmas I lost it and got totally wasted and just cried my eyes out because I was sick of living and tried to tell her about all the flashbacks from my childhood (like my dad taking an overdose in front of us) and the next day she was all "ooh I'll get you help bla bla" then nothing happend she just started ignoring me all over again. Then another day I cracked up at her because I had a fight with my oldest brother and she took his side which annoied me because he once physically attacked her and when I brought it up she had the cheek to call me "a nut".

The fact that she got my brother help but not me hurts, it often feels like she loves him more than me because of it. I'm better now though and I didn't need her I found an inner strength I never thought I had. I've stopped taking those awful pills which just made me pass out basically and sleep for ages, but I think it's damaged my relationship with my mother for good.

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3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

I can feel you about ur mom taking your brother's side. My bro is def my mom's favorite! I am the failure and he is the chemist.

To believe what people say, you have to trust them. Maybe your Mother has severe trust issues in general with everyone, but esp you being so close. She probably was affected by her mother. We all are. We absorb so much from them w/o realizing it, esp how to interact with others. She may not even be aware of most of this. You have to be aware first, before you can even want to make changes. You could ask her what do you have to do to get her to belive what you say. If her response isn't too outrageous (it could be), try doing it. Sometimes you have to build trust slowly with those who don't trust anyone.

Sweet girl, if the truth were really known, most people have issues with/about/because of their mothers! More people are daily screwed up by their mothers than anybody else. Yes, fathers and brothers and sisters can do damage, but mothers do more because they are mothers. Even when they want to do the right thing, it can be damaging. mainly because the very nature of motherhood gives them such unrestricted influence and power over who we are and who we will be. A good mother is a blessing,but even they sometimes wound and scar their children occasionally w/o even knowing it. Your mother hurt you by ignoring you and giving more attention to the more disturbed child. I doubt if she did it consciously, but she was trying to help or save the one that she probably thought needed it the most. Mothers'judgments are not always accurate. They tend to react on an instinctive level many times. Perhaps she saw you as stronger, less needy, certainly less demanding. That doesn't mean that you were strong, not needy or not demanding.<br />
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When you are able, do try and get some counseling about this if you can. Primarily, not b/c you haven't dealt with it, but b/c you really need to understand how you were affected, so you can build better relationships with others. You don't want to be the same kind of mother as she was to your children, but you are already pre-programmed to do that w/o thinking. You don't have a good role model of mothering to follow.Perhaps not everything that she did was wrong, but from your point of view it must be hard to tell what was really bad, what was all right and what was middle of the road. In some ways, you have to let the past go, but remeember that old habits and patterns of relating tend to stay with us and can pop up when we are in new situations. You must be strong to cope as you have so well. But you can always learn how to do better and not be caught up in old scripts. Hang in there!