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She Is Mentally Killing Me

I don't know what to do. She makes me miserable and makes me hate myself. Being with her for more than a minute means having to deal with her insults on my father or her criticism on everything about me. My dad chose to divorce her when I was starting out in 8th grade. I am now about to start college and yet she still continues. She calls me the Devil's child. I no longer believe in God, partly because of her. Everyday she calls me horrible names, like **** or prostitute. She said I'd end up pregnant by the time I was 15, and the one happy thing I can say on here is that I'm 16 and still a virgin, though she acts like I partake in daily orgies. She calls me worthless and stupid. Deep down I know I'm not, because I graduated with honors, but I can't help but feel that way when she says those things. It hurts so bad to know that the person who carried you inside them for 9 months treats you so bad. We have a horrible relationship. She is extremely selfish and conniving. She has spread rumors to my family that I abuse her, which is false. Just when I want to rip my hair out, she becomes teary and begs for my forgiveness. A few days later, it starts again. What am I suppossed to do? She's my mother. I hate her, but I love her.

iloveedward iloveedward 18-21, F 13 Responses Jul 23, 2009

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Hang in there... you seem to be coping well. Keep your perspective free from hers, as it seems you're doing. You are good. You are intelligent. You are compassionate and kind. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Hang in there.

Your mother doesn't deserve a child like you. Your too good

Wow, those are really some great ideas. I do think that I will start utilizing some of them because it's getting even more out of hand in my home.

Don’t ever let anyone on this earth come between you and God. She isn’t acting like a Christian. She will miss out on so much with you that one day it will break her heart when she realises this. We care so much about what our mothers think of us that we are placing far too much importance on this not taking into account that they are all too human and often imperfect.

Your mother is psychologically abusing you. Parents give you their genes but have a choice whether to give you anything else. Perhaps you remind your mother of your dad. She’s gotten so used to slagging you that she doesn’t know how else to behave. I’ve had a rocky road with my mother, but I developed techniques which limit the damage to my self-esteem. My mother started on my kids and that was when I had to do something.

You cannot ever live with her, nor spend any more than short periods with her. My mother is okay for about one and a half days. Because we emigrated, she once came to stay for 6 weeks! It was glorious for the first 2 days. After that, my kids and husband wanted her gone. She would pinch my daughter and pull her hair and tried to bully and boss them, but my kids wouldn’t let her and she said they didn’t love her. Truth is, I don’t think they do any more.

Aim to keep your psyche safe from her attacks. Be warned she will develop new tactics once she realises you are in control of the situation, but you can adapt.

Distance yourself from her behaviour. I love my mother, but not her behaviour. When she acts like a small child, treat her that way until she modifies her behaviour. The moment she begins her tricks (ie: nasty name), say, ‘Stop name calling or I’m leaving the room/house.’ Don’t argue with her – if she doesn’t stop, leave. If she starts slagging you or something you’re doing/done say, ‘Use a proper tone with me or this conversation/visit is over.’ I also say, ‘Don’t speak to me like that,’ and walk away. I have had to hang up on my mum. I usually give her one warning, ‘I’m going to hang up if you start this business.’ So she has a choice whether she wants to talk or not. Her other tactics were to start muttering rude things under her breath, so I stopped her very single time. ‘What was that? Could you repeat that, I didn’t hear it.’ Then deal with it.

If she is criticising something, tell her, ‘This is my way, I’m not asking for your advice.’ My mum loved to rigorously criticize my parenting. I would say, ‘you’ve had your turn, this is my turn and I want to do it my way.’ If you make a mistake and she is gloating, tell her, ‘I like to learn from my mistakes.’

Soon your reactions will become second nature. Try to modify your mother’s behaviour enough to be tolerable for short periods. I soon discovered that I had a lot more power in our relationship than I realised and I am much happier within myself. I think it has made me a better mother to our kids.

I wish you well, my friend.

u need to break free from her she must know u are not going to tolerate this behaviour. tell her u love her but also tell her u dont like the person she is. sometimes u think they dont hear but she will think about it in the quiet times. u deserve better and god is there for u believe it xx

I have three brothers and a sister, the perception of each toward our upbringing is very different. The oldest brother is in a mental hospital for life (Dad Issues); the second oldest brother commented suicide (inability to cope issues); the third oldest bother and younger sister use to blame their parents for the way they are, may still do it, I don’t know. That is to say, I get along with whatever they think a lot better now that I have not spoke to them in 15 years.



I do think my parents did things wrong, but my thinking was always that they were the ones doing it. Not that I have not had mother and father issues to work out, but I had the choice to deal with them in a positive way or let it ruin my life. They do negative things, so does that give me the right to respond in a negative way; if they jump off the deep end, do I just follow in their footsteps to the edge and jump in the abyss of their despair?



Think about it?

That is amazing how she gets abortion from voting for Obama. Wow.

That is amazing how she gets abortion from voting for Obama. Wow.

Theres not with my Mom. I voted for Obama and she blames me for abortion!!!

if only there was some way to make them positive!

Im sorry your Mom doesnt know how to deal with kids I guess- My Mom is kind of like that-negative

If only! I wish my mother even cared like you did for your children. I'm sorry for how are being treated. You seem very nice and don't deserve that!

What you're going through is what I am dealing with in reverse. I am a darn good, dedicated, loving mother with ungrateful hateful children that don't appreciate anything that I have done for them. Even though they are adults I go out of my way to be there for them and help them out and they swear up and down that they hate me. It's because I kept them on the straight and narrow when they were growing up. I didn't want them to be statistics and they were not. They don't understand that what I did was a good thing. Not letting them run the streets all hours of the night. They didn't drink or smoke or use illegal drugs and no babies as teenagers. They are angry at me for keeping them out of trouble. YOUR mother should have my kids and I should have had a child like you!!!