I Can't Trust Any One!

. I've been hurt and I hurt to individuals badly. At 9 years old my uncle touched what he shouldnt have:(.When I was twelve I was taken from my bus stop by a man; who raped me in a basement. I was terrified! At 24 years old I was raped by my husbands uncle and I was scared to tell my husband what happened because his uncle a (perfect) man said he would tell him I went to his room naked instead:( I found out I was pregnant and I aborted it:( I really didn't know what to do; I was so afraid that my husband would leave me. I
Became filled with hate toward this man:(. Then one afternoon my sister in laws husband called me and told me that he needed to let me know what my husband was up to. His ex wife my sister in law told him her brother my husband was cheating on me:(. I heard that before from my husbands two friends but he always would say he (wasn't cheating) yea right!
So I became good friends with benefits with my husbands ex brother in law:(. Snd i becsme very angry with my husband snd sister in law:(Even though my sister in law and this man were divorced she said I hurt her big time. My husband and I started marriage counseling at his younger sisters church with this pastor 2 times a week. he would ask me questions about my past life and ask me what made me cheat stuff like that and other personal stuff like do my husband and i still have sex in all I thought it was routine questions and at first everything was ok; I got involved in church singing, teaching on tuesdays. The pastor would invite us over to his house my husband would invite him to our house an then everything took a bad turn. After the counseling ended he would come by my house when I was alone with my kids and he would ask if everything was ok he would tell me thatI was beautiful and that he wanted a kiss( lips):(. I said no and that he was a pastor he said he was a man just like my husband:(. He left and called me on the phone right away. He asked me over the phone what kind of panties I was wearing:( and I told him it was none of his business. Then my husband invited him over to play dominoes and he felt my legs under the table:(. The day after he called my and I told him I was going to tell my husband and he said. Your husband isn't going to believe you it's your word against mine:( sacredness one me over again.i told my husband he would harass me and feel my legs yet we are still in his church. My husband says we are going to find problems in other churches too:( Ive told 3 other woman in church what happened and they too told me just to pray:( one time I went to prayer and he sent for me to meet him in his office in church. (I said he can't do anything in here to me) he closed the door behind me and he put down his pants and told me to give him a blow:( I never went to prayer on my own again. I'm not involved in church since that night and I don't want to be. Yet still he preaches and harasses me till this day and since he he's mad that I told people in church part of what he was doing he's making my life miserable by saying hurtful comments and preaching don't bring the past to the present:( how do I forgive this monster.
Ma13 Ma13
31-35, F
Jan 14, 2013