Can I Have Some Relish?

Is it wrong to find joy in someones pain? Can it be helped? I was wronged by someone long ago, yet prayed daily for thier happiness. Years later, after many years trying to put the pieces back together, I have come into a wonderful life! Great kids, an amazing husband, and friends I wouldn't trade for all the Hanson meet and greets in the world! Here's the thing...now his life is in pieces. I am crushed to hear of his demons, yet the "little bit" inside me is going, "HAHA you bastard!" Therefore I feel guilt. I shouldn't feel this way at all (the HAHA moment), I know. I too know my name will be spoken soon, and invade his mind. I hope in one way hearing my name will make him smile. In another way my name will burrow deep into his thoughts. Invading his dreams and torture him like his memory did to me for all those years. How to you put out such a nasty flame? Is it possible to truely, deeply have nothing but pure thoughts for someone that cared nothing of your soul?

Toshamaye Toshamaye
22-25, F
May 24, 2007