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I Am Jealous Of My Wife Visits To Her Doctor.

It is probably obvious that what I'm jealous is the fact that her doctor is her gynecologist and a male.  So are his two associates and she has been to all three of them.  The idea of her up on their exam tables and in those stirrups drives me crazy.  She was 20 when we got married and still a virgin till our wedding night.  Six weeks later she had to go back to her doctor to be sure she had no problems with the pill and get a nee prescription.  I had always thought her doctor was the woman she had gone to all her life.  Wrong she started going to the gynecologist at age 16.  That has gotten me so upset I really don't know what to do.  No one else knows about my jealousy and I can't bring myself to tell anyone that I know. 
whatisitlike whatisitlike 26-30, M 19 Responses May 31, 2010

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If your wife feels she needs to see the Doctor-then I can see no reason why you get jealous.
Their are rules and laws and all Doctors know if they do anything wrong.
Its the end of their job as a Doctor.
You need to stop being jealous and think of other things when she as to visit her Doctor.
Take a walk around somewhere and think how lucky you both are to have each other.
Jealousy if it continues for too many years will just bring unhappiness and then in most cases separation.
So trust her as she is not cheating on you.
And talk to her calmly and explain how you feel.
But do not ruin your marriage by having wrong thoughts.

I am a lesbian and the thought of ANYONE touching my wife makes me fighting mad. Today she had to have an ultrasound because of abdominal pain. No bid deal- just an abdominal ultrasound. Wrong. It was internal and they didn't tell us that when we both consented to the procedure. I was furious. And it didn't even give us any answers or a diagnosis. Then this douchebag hotshot doctorsuggests a full pelvic, including a manual, exam. I was pissed and couldnt do anything about it. Needless to say, if she wants to stay married to me, a male will not be doing that again under any circumstances. Most jealous and uncomfortable moment ever.

You have the right to ask to be seen by a woman Doctor.

Honestly, I am not a jealous man. Am married for 4 years, but before it we flirt for almost 9 years. Totally 13 years we are together.
Anyway, when we got married I kindly requested my wife to choose a female gyn, if one day she will go for a REGULAR control. And she accepted witout any objection. And 3 months ago in Jan, she told me that she got appointment from a gyn. And honestly I didnot ask her if the gyn was male or female.Later in the evening of appointment day, I asked her how was her control, and she told it was very good etc. Then I asked her if the Dr was male or female. She said it was male, but said he only checked her with ultrasound from abdo.
1 month later, I found a barcode inside a book and asked to my wife. She said that she had a pap smear and will get the result with that barcode. I didnot know the detail of a pap smear test and checked it from youtube.com . And I was shocked. You all know the details of the test.
Now my point is, in my country you can choose Dr. From the website of the hospital, but she has choosen a male Dr. despite my kind request, altough she accepted my request and although there were female doctors also to choose. For urgent matters she of course should go whoever available, male or female, but this is a routine test, not urgent, there is no pain or no illness.
After the appointment she told me that she only had abdominal ultrasound, means she lied me and this shaked my confidence very much.
For a male who loves his wife, there is a high intimacy, and once it's gone it's difficult to build again.
I love her, I had no doubt that she loves me, and no doubt that she has never cheated me, but she lied me.
After all these, I left home twice and each time went back since she was calling me, crying, telling me she loves me, telling she only went to have abdominal check, but after Dr.suggested a pap smear to avoid any cancer cells etc. Also promising she will never go to a male gyn again. But I hate the fact that a man saw her naked and touched her private parts.
I love her, I really love her too much, but I cannot get rid of the idea of leaving her for ever and getting divorced. I hate the feeling that a man saw her naked and touched her private parts. Very strange feeling, but that's what I feel.
WHAT SHOULD I DO ???

My wife just had surgery and i was really left out of the loop.i can not stand the thought of a male doctor looking or touching my wife.anybody reading this who thinks that an er tech or doctor or male in the field doesnt look at woman and think nice rack or shes f in hot is a blind fool.i have been around the field for 24 yrs and have taken many of doctors of all ages on offshore fishing trips spent many of days hunting all over this country with several doctors from my area.and they are just like any other guy they talk about **** and shaved ******* and anything you can imagine.it finally made me sick one day while in iowa on a deer hunt and i left and will never let my wife see another male doctor or nurse and if a facility can not accomidate i will go elsewhere.and thats what every guy that feels this way should do,then maybe the hospitals would realize there are alot of us out here and finally start to realize that a male doctor that deals with females is a lawsuit waiting to happen.or it just may turn into a mass killing in the hospital,when i found out that my wife was spread eagle in her room getting a catherdure with 9 students watching and while she was out of it on pain meds i almost killed me some mother *******.but i ran them off and then the hospital manager wanted to know what he could do to fix the situation,i told him to shove off.but my new attorney loves the case he didnt even want any money up front.not that money will fix my images but i hope some people lose their jobs and end up homeless eating out of the trash.so you may be a doctor on here saying that this is not true and you are a professional and all that other bullshit,just know this you are a pervert i know to many guys and we all look at hot chicks weather driving a car or spread eagle in your office.my wife even knows this is true because this is what she said that whether she is throwing up or dressed up to go out i only have one thing on my mind.if you dont believe this just go hang out a fire station or police station,constuction sight,life guard chair any where there are men they are going to look at woman fat,ugly or hot it dont matter.leaving you with this the **** industry never saw a turn down in there market and showed record profits every year.so guys dont let your prize be raped or groped by a male nurse,doctor,tech anybody in this field and know your rights.nothing hurts like the thruth does it all ****** perverts.

Chill. Just sit back and imagine how much that doctor likes having her spread eagle and having his fingers in her ******. I bet he takes extra time with her... letting her lie there so he gets a good look.

Enjoy.

You're an ***.

It's a common problem, which can easily be resolved: I asked my wife to find a female gynecologist. She did after I threatened to find a cute female doctor for myself.

Time out dude. How could she go to a gyn at 16, especially if she was a virgin?

I'm sick of people that say we're immature because we're jealous. I'm jealous of my wife, not about what's she's doing or what's she is up to. We have a great marriage and wonderful sex life, I don't want another man touching her, sticking his fingers in her. I told her this before we got married. I was afraid to bring it up, but I did and I'm glad that I did. She told me that she loved me and would never do anything that would hurt me, and was glad to look for a female doctor. Its kind of funny, I go to a female doctor who's younger, and pretty. Just like my wife I like my doctor and trust her, she's the best one I've ever had. My wife thinks that I'm this great looking guy and that everyone else does too. I don't see it. And it didn't help anything when she went with me to see her one day and she saw how friendly she and her staff was to me. She told me she felt the same way, I was more than glad to see a male doctor for anything that she would need to see my junk for. But first, her heath comes before anything else. That's the way it is and way it will be, if she needs to see a male doctor, then she goes. I'll take her there and love her and stand by her. She is my whole world. So talk to your wife in a way that she will understand your fears, if you do I bet there nothing she wouldn't do for you. God bless.

I am in the same position as you, but it took near divorce to get there, she promised not to allow it again. We are definitely not jealous, what a silly comment imho...

I am a middle aged man 10 years into my second marriage. My wife has been seeing a male gyn for years (14 with the current doctor). I have had jealous feelings since day one but did not let it affect my relationship...so I thought. Recently she has had some health issues that have required additional examinations and I have become very troubled at the relationship she has with his this young attractive doctor. Without her knowing the pain I have been experiencing she has routinely made comments to me like "what a great doctor, he cares so much about well being, he is so curtious and personable" She points out his office as we pass by while traveling....etc, the list goes on. The pain that I feel is almost unbearable...loss of appetite and sleep...always feeling ill. She has also received gifts from this doctor and he has made it know that he loves her two young daughters (my step daughters). My wife has also shared photos of some of our family events. My wife and step daughters are very attractive (daughters in late 20s and early 30s). My wife has also highly recommended this gyn to her daughters and I believe one of them is an ongoing patient). She was just married and I'm concerned.



My wife and I have both experienced divorce in the past and both attended a divorce care class when we were dumped by our SO. One of the subjects covered in the class was how inappropriate it is for a spouse to have a close relationship with the member of the opposite sex while in a marital union.



Does this not apply??? This seems to be a third party relationship which also includes sexual contact in the name of medicine. Is this an example of our nation becoming desensitized because of our eroding morals? I don't understand how she can be so blind to the strain this can cause on our marriage.



I love my wife very much and have been very attracted to her both emotionally and sexually. I am having trouble now with any intimacy and feel myself pulling away from her. I have briefly discussed this with her being careful not to excite anger but she does not seem to understand my feelings.



I am considering counciling but don't really have the money.



Does anyone have insight as to what I should do.

Yes, you have to speak and get her on your side, warn her how you feel, from experience it is very difficult to convert a women, look at, how men feel on yahoo, you aren't on your oun, there are groups of men against this un ethical procedure, perhaps show her this link to show how the medical profession acted a while ago....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria

Outsider... Make her read what you wrote here. If she really loves you this should work. Tell me how it did go.

It is very reassuring to know that I am not the only man who feels jealous when his wife is given a pelvic exam by a male doctor. I am so ashamed of how I feel that I don't know what to do. The feeling is indescribable. It is almost like mourning (worst than jealousy). Intellectually, I don't really think that the male physicians are aroused, but, emotionally, it tears me up.



I've often wondered how women would feel if the tables were turned.

I too just can't wrap that idea around my head, they are still men first and foremost. Are people soo naive to think that male doctors cease to be males? I'm an Engineer and my whole family is doctors, my uncles, brothers , father and mother (brother and an uncle are GYNOs), and I tell you, there is absolutely nothing special about being a doctor. I believe that the medical institution has gone gravely wrong for this and other reasons.

If it were acceptable for the doctor to do that, why not the security guy ? If that was the case it would be even easier for me to accept a male doctor for my wife, at least this way I know people are honest with themselves and aware of the mess that is happening but accepting the reality as it is, but what's happening is that most people are fed what to think.

I'm inclined to think the women who go to male gynos and people in general are led to believe doctors are angels, there is no sexual feelings of attraction and jealousy in a medical environment and it's ok to be intimately checked by a male doctor, while it couldn't be father from the truth, it's only rationalization, a psychological defense mechanism, at the same time these feelings are pushed to the back of their heads, not to disappear but the damage the subconsciousness of the patient, male doctor and partner.

I hate ******* doctors, anything to do with them, this is going to split me and my wife of 30 years up !!! What can I do to get this **** out of my mind ?

Ryon2u,

I really don't know. I too wish women would just go to gynecologists who would ideally be females only. I don't understand it either, perhaps society believes the educated doctor to be more ethical than the supposedly uneducated guard at the airport. It bothers me too, it really does. I hate it. As for the guy who posted this article, just ask your wife to visit a female gyn. It should not be so hard for her to do if she loves you.

The question is, why the medical world allow male doctors to examine female patient private parts???? No reasons???? Because they are professional? If this is the reasons, then a male security is allowed to ask a female to undress for him to check, an airport security can be allowed to check the female body, all also for works right?



Another question is, why a female willing to be naked for a male doctor?? without considering husbands' feeling?? Why not allow male security or police to check their body???



Think of it... and all doctors, professors, whatever, please give me a answer

Hypocrisy. Also way too many women seen to be too naive.

Can I ask if doing all those pelvic exams affected your sex life? my partner and I are both doctors and my problem is that because seeing a woman's private parts has become so medicalised, I just dont feel sexy around him anymore. I feel like he's going to be examining me when he looks at me or touches me and that is quite a turn off... any advice?

Although I am not a practicing Ob/Gyn, I am an M.D. While I was an Air Force doc, I performed probably over 1000 pelvic exams. I can understand the psychology of a husband being jealous. The exam is very intimate and my belief is that the jealousy stems from the fact that the women patients are "routinely submitting" to having another man (Medical Doctor) view and touch their genitals, even though the procedures are performed for good faith medical reasons. I can honestly say that although I was conscience of the fact that I may be examining an attractive women, I never became sexually excited. It may be difficult to understand, but the clinical environment and the examination procedures do not lend themselves to becoming aroused. Further, there was always a female assistant in the exam room any time that I examinined a patient's breasts or performed a pelvic exam. Believe me when I say that there is a difference in how I felt as a boyfriend putting my fingers in my girlfriend's vagina with the intention of sexually stimulating her and putting my latex gloved fingers into a patient's vagina for the purpose of performing a bimanual examination. I also knew that the exam was uncomfortable for the patient as well. I always attempted to be as fast as possible while still being thorough. I also believe that if I had not been on the "giving" side of a pelvic exam as a physician, I very well may be bothered by knowing that a male doc has seen and touched my wife's breasts, vagina, and anus. It's really not a glamorous as some may think.

I can really understand. I hate it too. My wife goes to a male gynecologist. I even hate the word. I have tried to get over it, but at least I haven't been able to.

You don't have to be jeolous because it will distract you and at the same time it can colapse you. If you love your wife and trust her then there is no need of you to get jeolous. So take care of yourself. Bye

There's nothing wrong with your jealousy. I'd feel the same in your shoes, honestly. Keeping it to yourself won't help so at least be honest about it to her. Don't get angry when trying to tell it to her, I'm sure she'll understand. She'd probably find your jealousy funny and sweet and I'm sure that when she knows she'll find a way to comfort you and make you lose a little bit of the green monster inside.