I Am Jealous Of My Wife Visits To Her Doctor.

It is probably obvious that what I'm jealous is the fact that her doctor is her gynecologist and a male.  So are his two associates and she has been to all three of them.  The idea of her up on their exam tables and in those stirrups drives me crazy.  She was 20 when we got married and still a virgin till our wedding night.  Six weeks later she had to go back to her doctor to be sure she had no problems with the pill and get a nee prescription.  I had always thought her doctor was the woman she had gone to all her life.  Wrong she started going to the gynecologist at age 16.  That has gotten me so upset I really don't know what to do.  No one else knows about my jealousy and I can't bring myself to tell anyone that I know. 
whatisitlike whatisitlike
26-30, M
19 Responses May 31, 2010

Jealous? Ask your wife how she feels in those stirrups...it is no pleasure trip.

Dear Friend,

I am a professor in a World-Leading Research-Oriented University.

I posted other times in different forums and I usually do so quoting relevant publications from authoritative sources. Given that I am posting anonymously, please do not take my words for true, but the words of those people whose publications I quote to provide you with a qualified opinion.
I hope that backing up my opinion with actual publications can help you to understand the relationship between Sexuality and Professionalism in the medical settings. I also provide you references, so please feel free to read the entire publications yourself.
Although most of the “lay people”, i.e. the public who is not specialised in medicine, think that doctors have learned to be immune to sexual attraction in the medical setting, empirical evidence demonstrate that this is in fact not true.
In order for you to understand the issue a bit better, I will quote you some parts from a paper entitled Professionalism and Sexuality.
This paper constitutes an interesting book chapter written by Sarah Williams, MD who is a Professor of Medicine at Stanford University and by Richard M. Frankel, PhD who is Professor of Medicine at Illinois University.

For the sake of space, I will quote only some relevant parts. However, you can find the paper yourself on the internet.

"Sexuality and sexual feelings are omnipresent parts
of life. They do not magically disappear (although
sometimes we wish they would!) just because we become
doctors, nurses, or therapists, or because we are
interacting with patients or professional colleagues.
Despite the importance and complexity of this aspect
of medicine, most of us enter practice quite unprepared
to deal with these issues.
Not surprisingly. education about sexuality in
medical practice remains woefully inadequate.
Furthermore, when these issues are addressed. discussion
tends to focus on issues of excess, abuse, and harassment.
thereby precluding a fuller and fairer exploration
of the role of sexuality in professional
relationships with patients, colleagues, and trainees.
For the past 4 years, the authors have conducted a
small group workshop designed to explore sexuality
and professionalism with practicing physicians, faculty,
and trainees. We have done workshops with more
than 75 doctors and other health professionals at
various levels of training about sexual issues in professional life. Their stories make up the raw data for
this chapter.
From listening to and studying these stories, we
have learned that sexual feelings and conflicts inform
many aspects of providers’ interactions with patients
and colleagues. When these issues are recognized and
accepted (and worked through as needed), they need
not be harmful and may, in fact, enhance work satisfaction
and effectiveness. On the other hand, when
providers are uncomfortable with their sexual feelings
or conflicts, and try to avoid or ignore them, negative
consequences for patient care, and perhaps for the
providers themselves, are much more likely....

...Methods & Materials
Since 1991, the authors have led several workshops
entitled,“Sexual Issues in the Workplace,” designed
for physicians and other health-care professionals to
explore issues of sexuality in professional life. At
these workshops, participants are invited “to write a
5-minute narrative about sexual issues in the workplace.”
Of the 75 physicians and other health-care
providers who have attended the workshops, 55
(73%) have volunteered stories for inclusion in a research
database. These 55 narratives form the basis of
our chapter in this book.....
The Doctor as Sexual Being
Sexuality, defined narrowly, means engaging in
sexual activity with another person. Sexuality of this
sort has been widely discussed and is generally considered
to be inappropriate in the medical workplace;
as such it is not explored further in this chapter.
There has been far less discussion, however, of a
more comprehensive understanding of sexuality, one
that includes thoughts and feelings about sex, oreven
more broadly-sees sexuality as part of our
identity, our desire and capacity for intimacy, and an
integral part of our physical and emotional vitality.
This subtler but no less important aspect of our professional
lives is the topic of the following section, in
which we look at the physician’s sexuality in terms of
identity and connectedness. medical training, and developmental
…..Sexuality in Medical Training
Learning to be a doctor involves intense contacts
and physical intimacy, which can heighten sexual
feelings and tensions. Often the setting becomes so
routine for practicing professionals and teachers that
its effect on trainees may be overlooked….

male resident describes the arousing effect taking
sexual history had on him.

Case illustration II: I was working at the adolescent
clinic where I had been told that it was my obligation to
talk about sex with my patients. There was this young,
attractive black teenager who came to see me and the
discussion got very detailed and explicit about sexual
positions and arousal and things. And I couldn’t help it.
I was trying to be very professional about my questions
but the more she talked, the more aroused I felt myself
become. It was embarrassing sitting there with an erection,
but I just couldn’t help it.
Note that, despite having an erection and feeling
embarrassed (confused), the physician inappropriately
continued to elicit additional sexual history from
the patient; had he had more awareness and training
for dealing with these issues. he might have been able
to redirect the interview more effectively.
In some cases boundary confusion around sexual
issues may create enough tension to inhibit or prevent
a physician from providing appropriate care, as is illustrated
in the following case illustration.

Case ilhtration 12: I was working in the emergency
department and here comes an attractive 20-2 1 -year-old
lady with a complaint of severe abdominal pain. She has
a history of pancreatitis in the past. I know that I have to
do a pelvic/rectal on her in order to be complete and not
to miss any other etiologies for her abdominal pain. But
I opted not to, hoping that her arnylase and lipase would
come back positive, so I wouldn’t have to do them.
Boundary Crossings
Boundary confusions arise because the physician
or patient becomes aware of ambiguous feelings
around sexual issues in the relationship. Boundary
crossings occur when the physician or patient begins
acting on these feelings. Some boundary crossings are
brief, episodic, and unilateral as described in the following
case illustration.
Case illustration 23: I recall an elderly gentleman who
was homeless and indigent that I saw in the emergency
room as a medical student. After he received his care, he
asked if he could have a kiss and pulled me down to kiss
me (not sexual, but more intimate than I wanted to be
with this patient).....
...."...More characteristically the boundary crossings described
in our case illustrations developed over time
and followed a certain developmental “trajectory” in
which both the physician and patient (and sometimes
the staff) are aware that something other than an appropriate
doctor-patient relationship is emerging.
Characteristic in these illustrations is an abrupt “cut
off’ of the relationship at the point at which a suggestion
(such as having sex) would move the relationship
from a boundary crossing to a violation of the physician’s
ethical code.
Case illustration 14: A young, attractive woman presented
to the emergency room for evaluation of asthma.
After initial treatment by me, she was given an appointment
for follow-up in my general medicine clinic. Over
the course of the next several months she presented to
clinic unexpectedly several times with complaints of
breast problems, genitourinary symptoms. requesting
breast and pelvic exams. During the course of these she
regularly made seductive comments. These episodes
progressed to the point of frequent calls to me during office
and nonoffice hours. I obviously enjoyed the encounters-
yet when, finally, I was explicitly solicited. I
declined sexual participation. after which the patient was
never heard from.
The characteristic feature of sexual boundary crossings
is ambiguity: The relationship appears to become
increasingly sexualized, but nothing explicit has been
said or done. As each person’s perceptions become
clouded by his or her own desires and fears, it becomes
increasingly difficult to “read” the other’s behavior
or understand its meaning.
In the next case illustration, a resident physician
describes a growing awareness of his own attraction
to a female patient and his perception or assumption
of reciprocation on her part. At the point at which he
brings explicit attention to the sexual dimension of
their relation-ship, the patient responds with anger
and terminates the relationship. Was it the resident’s
fantasies and mistaken interpretation of the patient’s
behavior that characterized their relationship or mutual
sexual attraction?
Case illrcsfrution 15: There was a patient that I saw recently.
She’s 19 and came in with complaints of irregular
periods wanting a pregnancy test and pelvic exam. I
went ahead and did a pelvic exam ... I did a thorough
exam, but maybe I was a little too thorough. Sometimes
I don’t do a breast exam when I do a pelvic exam, but in
this case I did and it was extra thorough. And I thought
to myself,“Am I toying with this patient?” because she
was kind of ... very flirtatious and I knew I had this
position of power and I was kind of struggling with that
in the long run but I didn’t resolve it, I didn’t step outside
and try to collect my thoughts and stuff. It made me
feel really clouded, you know.
I gave her my card and told her to call me at my regular
clinic ... and she’s been here twice and she made
several phone calls. And initially I was kind of friendly,
you know, maybe a little too friendly. You know, there
was probably some mutual flirtation going on here ...
she came to me another time for a rash. When I asked her
to show me the rash she took off her sweatshirt and jeans
and underneath it all she was wearing this sexy “teddy.”
Well, the next time she came back, about a week later,
she had a different teddy on and I said in a flippant sort
of way,‘That’s an interesting way of dressing to come to
see the doctor.” Well, she got really anUgly and basically
walked out of my clinic and hasn’t been back since. I
know I wasn’t completely blameless in this situation, but
still I was surprised that she got so angry and never came

Finally, Another example of violation of sexual boundaries comes from the article of From Amy Wallen who wrote “Unconventional relationships: He’ll respect my vagina in the morning”
In her article the writer states:
“The 20-year relationship I have had with my gynecologist is not like other women’s. Mine is special, unique, and validated. Let me be clear, my gynecologist is male …He’s chairman of gynecology and obstetrics at one of the top clinics in the United States, Scripps Clinic)… and he understands me like no man ever has…..
I go to the doctor’s office faithfully, take off every stitch of clothing except my socks (metal stirrups are cold!), lie back on the paper-coated table, and well, spread ‘em…..

I know I’m lucky: Many women on that table are getting bad news instead of compliments about their cervix. There are three very important reasons I love my gynecologist:

1. He has the ability to save my life. White horse/white coat.
2. When I was 45, he told me I had the cervix of a 32-year-old.
3. He puts funny posters on the ceiling of the examination room

For one three-minute moment, once a year, a man got me 100%. My doctor’s professionalism and splendid bedside manner, which includes the funny signs, made my 20 years of exams not only bearable, but somewhat pleasurable. Rarely can a woman say that about her gynecologist.

But last month, with the wax paper crinkling beneath me as I laid back, I looked up and the posters were gone. I nearly slammed my knees together in response to the betrayal.
My doctor explained, and I swear I could hear a tremor in his voice, that just weeks before, another patient had come in and seen the posters and considered them unprofessional. This fusspot of a patient had apparently stormed down to the administration offices and complained.

I know I’m lucky: Many women on that table are getting bad news instead of compliments about their cervix.

I will go to the top to see that these posters are returned. I won’t let yet another relationship with my man be sullied by another woman." From Amy wallen.
The latest article shows a clear case of breach of sexual boundaries and of sexual exploitation. This woman had a recognisable (from a mile) emotional attachment to her doctor and sexualised behaviour, yet the doctor (who by the way is chairman of gynecology and obstetrics at one of the top clinics in the United States, Scripps Clinic), apart from making inappropriate sexual compliments, kept this patient for over 20 years, allowing this patient to remain completely naked for all the examination (sexual exploitation). The medical general council instead establishes that the medical doctor should: “keep the discussion relevant and avoid unnecessary personal comments”, “Give the patient privacy to undress and use drapes to maintain patient’s privacy and Keep the patient as covered as possible”

Another example of sexual feelings and inner conflicts in the medical setting can be found for instance, In an article published on the Canadian Journal of Family phisicians (The other side of the speculum by Brent Thoma), the male medical student reports his projections about what goes through the mind of female patients when he enters the room for a smear test and they hear for the first time He will perform the exam (he does not inform them it is their right to choose a female doctor): "you enter the room and note the inevitable inaudible groan from the hapless female. There are a number of variations on this groan, depending on the patient’s age:

The young teenager: “Aghh!! A boy!?!?!” followed by immediately looking at the ground."

The old teenager: “Omigod. I, like, totally can’t believe that this, like, totally random dude is going to see my vajayjay! I’ve got to text [best friend]. Wait ... he’s kind of cute.” (this is a clear sexual projection of the future doctor)

The 20- to 30-year-old woman: “AWKWARD.”

The 30- to 45-year-old woman: “Ugh, a student ... and a male student! Just my luck, he probably hasn’t even found a vagina yet.”

The > 45-year-old woman: “Hahaha, oh, a young buck!” ...

He then continues: "the trick is to keep the patient comfortable by explaining the procedure to them as you do it. This provides an unfortunate opportunity for your voice to crack while saying, “Just let your legs fall apart.” The attendings seem to have mastered saying these things with the tone used in those Philadelphia Cream Cheese heaven commercials. Unfortunately for me, I just can’t say “Now I’m going to insert the speculum into your vagina” in that tone—no matter how many times I practise in front of the mirror".....Then he comments on all the forms and sizes of females he sees (in contrast with what the fake manager above was trying to tell us, that male doctors do not make comments about female aspects). He in fact reports " Unfortunately, there is a huge variety of female anatomy. There are women of all shapes, sizes, and grooming preferences". It must be noticed that once again the "grooming preferences" is another sexual reference to whether the woman has her sex shaved, groomed or untidy.

Finally, Mr (and future Dr) Thoma declares in conclusion that during his first attempt to to a smear test, the woman "laughed through the procedure because I was so “cute and awkward.” Which is a clear evidence of a violation of sexual boundaries: A woman telling to the male doctor who is inserting a speculum in her sex that he is Cute.

Also the article above, which is published by the above mentioned journal can be easily found and read in its entirety. Please, take your time to read it. It is instructive.

All this evidence gives a clear portrait that the Angelic view of male doctors as Asexual/Neutral-Gender beings, who do not make comments on the shape/size/appearance of the woman is false.
This idea is consistent with other findings published in medical literature. For instance Terri Kapsalis, a Medical Doctor Teaching medicine at Duke University wrote a book entitled "Public Privates: Performing gynecology from both ends of the speculum (Duke University Press, 1997. ISBN: 0-8223-1921-7). In her study she confirms earlier findings from Buchwald, that medical students are not able to completely separate either between intimate medical examinations and sexuality: "Students seem to find it very difficult to consider female genital display and manipulation in the medical context as entirely separate from sexual acts and their accompanying fears. Buchwald's lists of fears makes explicit the perceived connection between a pelvic examination and a sexual act. "A fear of the inability to recognize pathology" also reflects a fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease, an actual worry expressed by some of Buchwald's student doctors. Likewise, "a fear of sexual arousal" makes explicit the connection between the pelvic exam and various sexual acts. Buchwald notes that both men and women are subject to this fear of sexual arousal. "A fear of being judged inept" signals a kind of "performance anxiety," a feeling common in both inexperienced and experienced clinical and sexual performers. "A fear of disturbance of the doctor-patient relationship" recognized the existence of a type of "****** taboo" within the pelvic exam scenario."
In another paper called "The Psychology of Gynaecology" by Dr. Nelson Soucasaux, investigates the underlying motivations which may lead men to becoming Gynecologists. The paper states:
"A very important and totally unexplored aspect of women's medicine psychology is the one related to the real motivations, at the deep psychological level, that lead doctors of the male or female sex to become gynaecologists and/or obstetricians. Nevertheless, we still have to confine ourselves to the construction and elaboration of hypothesis based, of course, on the observation of facts, experience, analysis and deduction.
It is a very well-known fact that a great number of men have considerable psychological problems in relation to women and that the male psyche is naturally directed towards the female sex. According to C.G. Jung, in men's psychology there is the Anima archetype, which corresponds to the primal images of women, to the inner women who "inhabit" and energize male psychology. About Anima, M. Jacoby observes that "... she is the principle of Eros, because the development of a man's Anima becomes manifest in the way he relates himself to women" (Jacoby, M.- "O Encontro Analítico Transferência e Relacionamento Humano" ["The Analytic Encounter Transference and Human Relationship"], Cultrix, São Paulo, Brazil, 1984).
A man needs to acquire a better knowledge and understanding of women to enter into the mysteries of female nature; this is a demand of the Anima archetype. Medicine can be one of the ways to achieve this aim. I believe that here we find some of the reasons that attract many male doctors to gynecology. However, considering that the knowledge and practice of medicine grant a specific "power" to the medical class (hence the origin of the frequent "fantasies of omnipotence" found in many physicians' psychology), it is also possible that some male gynecologists make use of the speciality as a way of feeling themselves exerting some "power" over the female sex...Gynecologic practice implies the exposition of the intimacy of the female body and the touch of parts of this body by the physician in order to perform the examination. This fact can arouse the most varied feelings, not only on the patients, but also in the male or female doctors, depending on the peculiarities of the individual psychology of each one of them. It is fundamental that gynecologists and patients are capable of dealing adequately with them at the psychological level.
Several kinds of projections, fantasies, conflicts and resistances appear on both sides of the gynecologist-patient relationship. Women frequently project on male gynecologists their problems concerning men and the way they view the male sex. Male gynecologists can also project on the patients their problems regarding women, as well as the peculiar way they view the female sex. Almost always, the psychological dynamics of these processes is not adequately brought to consciousness by either one of the parties and, because of this, several problems can appear, disturbing the treatment. As I already said, the gynecologist-patient relationship often acquires very neurotic patterns.
As I always emphasize, Gynecology is an extremely problematic speciality which, even so, neither becomes aware of this fact nor tries to place itself under discussion. It has always been astonishing to me that diverse subjects related to Women's Medicine are not discussed either within Gynecology or out of it. Some of the probable reasons for this can be: 1) the incapability to perceive determined facts and/or reflect about them; 2) not wanting to admit the existence of these facts, because they are "disturbing" for the present attitude of mind of most people; 3) the interests and conveniences of the medical ideologies and beliefs that dominate Women's Medicine...."

This is the reason why The Council For Health Care Regulatory Excellence of the United Kingdom acknowledges that medical students, medical doctors and health professional in general are not different from any other human beings when it comes to sexual attraction. The only difference between health professionals and other “lay men and women” is limited to the following: given that health professionals have are in a position of power which they can exploit for sexual interests they have a legal obligation not act on their sexual attraction towards patients even when the patient reciprocates and would consent to a sexual intercourse.
Please find below and extract from the publication "Learning about sexual boundaries between healthcare professionals and patients: a report on education and training” published by CHRE (2008):

"Medical students must be taught that there is nothing unusual or abnormal about having sexualised feelings towards certain patients, but that failing to identify these feelings and acting on them is likely to result in serious consequences for their patients and themselves.
Students and healthcare professionals should be made aware that while it is not unusual to find patients or their carers sexually attractive, it is the healthcare professional’s duty never to act on these feelings and to ensure appropriate action is taken to avoid a breach of sexual boundaries.
If a healthcare professional is sexually attracted to a patient and is concerned that it may affect their professional relationship with them, they should ask for help and advice from a colleague or appropriate body in order to decide on the most professional course of action to take.
If, having sought advice, the healthcare professional does not believe they can remain objective and professional, they must:
* find alternative care for the patient
* ensure a proper handover to another
healthcare professional takes place
* hand over care in a way that does not make the patient feel that they have done anything wrong.
All health professionals are likely, in the course of their career, to encounter patients or carers who are unable or unwilling to recognise the limits of sexual boundaries essential for an effective professional relationship. When this happens, the patient may misconstrue professional care and compassion, for something else. This may result in patients projecting feelings of love or sexual attraction onto their healthcare professional."
Developing awareness about the Dynamic of Patient-Doctor relationship is the duty not only of healthcare professionals, but also of patients: It is in fact essential to timely recognise, and prevent sexual exploitation from the doctor. The key point is that the CHRE establishes that dealing with this situation is always the healthcare professional’s responsibility. For this reason, any denial of the fact that both patients and doctors are, due to their own human nature, potentially susceptible to experience sexual attraction, arousal and even feelings during intimate examinations, is not on only very unscientific, and very intellectually dishonest, but it is a severe offence of the supreme value of their human dignity: Neither the patients stop being human and become a simple combination of tissues, nerves and bones when they enter a medical room, nor the medical doctors get magically transformed into robots and lose their human nature when they wear their white coat.

I hope what I posted may help all the readers understanding that sexuality is an omnipresent part of life.

Medical Doctors are not immune to sexual attraction. Hence, it is not absurd for a male partner of a beautiful woman to feel uncomfortable to the idea that the male healthcare provider may be having sexual thoughts while examining her.

Although it is often denied, it happens more frequently than Medical Professionals and the general public would often admit.

I hope my references can be helpful to some readers.
Kind regards,
And best wishes to all of you.
Qualified Opinion.

I am a lesbian and the thought of ANYONE touching my wife makes me fighting mad. Today she had to have an ultrasound because of abdominal pain. No bid deal- just an abdominal ultrasound. Wrong. It was internal and they didn't tell us that when we both consented to the procedure. I was furious. And it didn't even give us any answers or a diagnosis. Then this douchebag hotshot doctorsuggests a full pelvic, including a manual, exam. I was pissed and couldnt do anything about it. Needless to say, if she wants to stay married to me, a male will not be doing that again under any circumstances. Most jealous and uncomfortable moment ever.

Honestly, I am not a jealous man. Am married for 4 years, but before it we flirt for almost 9 years. Totally 13 years we are together.
Anyway, when we got married I kindly requested my wife to choose a female gyn, if one day she will go for a REGULAR control. And she accepted witout any objection. And 3 months ago in Jan, she told me that she got appointment from a gyn. And honestly I didnot ask her if the gyn was male or female.Later in the evening of appointment day, I asked her how was her control, and she told it was very good etc. Then I asked her if the Dr was male or female. She said it was male, but said he only checked her with ultrasound from abdo.
1 month later, I found a barcode inside a book and asked to my wife. She said that she had a pap smear and will get the result with that barcode. I didnot know the detail of a pap smear test and checked it from youtube.com . And I was shocked. You all know the details of the test.
Now my point is, in my country you can choose Dr. From the website of the hospital, but she has choosen a male Dr. despite my kind request, altough she accepted my request and although there were female doctors also to choose. For urgent matters she of course should go whoever available, male or female, but this is a routine test, not urgent, there is no pain or no illness.
After the appointment she told me that she only had abdominal ultrasound, means she lied me and this shaked my confidence very much.
For a male who loves his wife, there is a high intimacy, and once it's gone it's difficult to build again.
I love her, I had no doubt that she loves me, and no doubt that she has never cheated me, but she lied me.
After all these, I left home twice and each time went back since she was calling me, crying, telling me she loves me, telling she only went to have abdominal check, but after Dr.suggested a pap smear to avoid any cancer cells etc. Also promising she will never go to a male gyn again. But I hate the fact that a man saw her naked and touched her private parts.
I love her, I really love her too much, but I cannot get rid of the idea of leaving her for ever and getting divorced. I hate the feeling that a man saw her naked and touched her private parts. Very strange feeling, but that's what I feel.

If anything your wife should leave you. You sound like a jealous 12 year old boy. Grow up, apologize to your wife and get some counseling you jerk.

If you look at *********** and/or other naked women, as most men do, you have NO RIGHT to say anything about who sees your wife naked, period! If you want her to be faithful to you then you need to be faithful to her because you just proved the point that *********** is not ok....

There's a difference between looking and visiting a guy who'll slip a couple of lubed fingers in you! No, sod that, why would a woman with an ounce of respect for her partner actively want to have a man do these things when there are perfectly capable and qualified women... It is so disrespectful.

My wife just had surgery and i was really left out of the loop.i can not stand the thought of a male doctor looking or touching my wife.anybody reading this who thinks that an er tech or doctor or male in the field doesnt look at woman and think nice rack or shes f in hot is a blind fool.i have been around the field for 24 yrs and have taken many of doctors of all ages on offshore fishing trips spent many of days hunting all over this country with several doctors from my area.and they are just like any other guy they talk about **** and shaved ******* and anything you can imagine.it finally made me sick one day while in iowa on a deer hunt and i left and will never let my wife see another male doctor or nurse and if a facility can not accomidate i will go elsewhere.and thats what every guy that feels this way should do,then maybe the hospitals would realize there are alot of us out here and finally start to realize that a male doctor that deals with females is a lawsuit waiting to happen.or it just may turn into a mass killing in the hospital,when i found out that my wife was spread eagle in her room getting a catherdure with 9 students watching and while she was out of it on pain meds i almost killed me some mother *******.but i ran them off and then the hospital manager wanted to know what he could do to fix the situation,i told him to shove off.but my new attorney loves the case he didnt even want any money up front.not that money will fix my images but i hope some people lose their jobs and end up homeless eating out of the trash.so you may be a doctor on here saying that this is not true and you are a professional and all that other bullshit,just know this you are a pervert i know to many guys and we all look at hot chicks weather driving a car or spread eagle in your office.my wife even knows this is true because this is what she said that whether she is throwing up or dressed up to go out i only have one thing on my mind.if you dont believe this just go hang out a fire station or police station,constuction sight,life guard chair any where there are men they are going to look at woman fat,ugly or hot it dont matter.leaving you with this the **** industry never saw a turn down in there market and showed record profits every year.so guys dont let your prize be raped or groped by a male nurse,doctor,tech anybody in this field and know your rights.nothing hurts like the thruth does it all ****** perverts.

Do you look at other women who are naked...ie., *****? Then leave her alone!....you deserve your wife to be shown to all others just like you look at others, period.

It's a common problem, which can easily be resolved: I asked my wife to find a female gynecologist. She did after I threatened to find a cute female doctor for myself.

Time out dude. How could she go to a gyn at 16, especially if she was a virgin?

I'm sick of people that say we're immature because we're jealous. I'm jealous of my wife, not about what's she's doing or what's she is up to. We have a great marriage and wonderful sex life, I don't want another man touching her, sticking his fingers in her. I told her this before we got married. I was afraid to bring it up, but I did and I'm glad that I did. She told me that she loved me and would never do anything that would hurt me, and was glad to look for a female doctor. Its kind of funny, I go to a female doctor who's younger, and pretty. Just like my wife I like my doctor and trust her, she's the best one I've ever had. My wife thinks that I'm this great looking guy and that everyone else does too. I don't see it. And it didn't help anything when she went with me to see her one day and she saw how friendly she and her staff was to me. She told me she felt the same way, I was more than glad to see a male doctor for anything that she would need to see my junk for. But first, her heath comes before anything else. That's the way it is and way it will be, if she needs to see a male doctor, then she goes. I'll take her there and love her and stand by her. She is my whole world. So talk to your wife in a way that she will understand your fears, if you do I bet there nothing she wouldn't do for you. God bless.

I am in the same position as you, but it took near divorce to get there, she promised not to allow it again. We are definitely not jealous, what a silly comment imho...

You would divorce over a medical exam? That's sounds ridiculous....I have only one question for all you men who feel this way...when was the last time you saw a woman "NOT YOUR WIFE" naked as in *****? And you think you have the right to be jealous...you've got to be kidding! The wives of men who view ***** should take pics of themselves and let other men see them naked....teach them a lesson! Maybe that will make these stupid men stop lusting for other women when they have a wife of their own but I doubt it, they are too SELFiSH and think its "all about them"

I am a middle aged man 10 years into my second marriage. My wife has been seeing a male gyn for years (14 with the current doctor). I have had jealous feelings since day one but did not let it affect my relationship...so I thought. Recently she has had some health issues that have required additional examinations and I have become very troubled at the relationship she has with his this young attractive doctor. Without her knowing the pain I have been experiencing she has routinely made comments to me like "what a great doctor, he cares so much about well being, he is so curtious and personable" She points out his office as we pass by while traveling....etc, the list goes on. The pain that I feel is almost unbearable...loss of appetite and sleep...always feeling ill. She has also received gifts from this doctor and he has made it know that he loves her two young daughters (my step daughters). My wife has also shared photos of some of our family events. My wife and step daughters are very attractive (daughters in late 20s and early 30s). My wife has also highly recommended this gyn to her daughters and I believe one of them is an ongoing patient). She was just married and I'm concerned.<br />
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My wife and I have both experienced divorce in the past and both attended a divorce care class when we were dumped by our SO. One of the subjects covered in the class was how inappropriate it is for a spouse to have a close relationship with the member of the opposite sex while in a marital union. <br />
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Does this not apply??? This seems to be a third party relationship which also includes sexual contact in the name of medicine. Is this an example of our nation becoming desensitized because of our eroding morals? I don't understand how she can be so blind to the strain this can cause on our marriage.<br />
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I love my wife very much and have been very attracted to her both emotionally and sexually. I am having trouble now with any intimacy and feel myself pulling away from her. I have briefly discussed this with her being careful not to excite anger but she does not seem to understand my feelings.<br />
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I am considering counciling but don't really have the money.<br />
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Does anyone have insight as to what I should do.

Yes, you have to speak and get her on your side, warn her how you feel, from experience it is very difficult to convert a women, look at, how men feel on yahoo, you aren't on your oun, there are groups of men against this un ethical procedure, perhaps show her this link to show how the medical profession acted a while ago....


Outsider... Make her read what you wrote here. If she really loves you this should work. Tell me how it did go.

Sir, do you look at *****? Or at pics of other women naked? The feelings you have are the same ones most wives have when their men lust after others have....welcome to the club! As those men say, just "deal with it"

If you do not look at ****, tell your wife your concerns and I'm sure she will change to a female doctor if she loves you.

It is very reassuring to know that I am not the only man who feels jealous when his wife is given a pelvic exam by a male doctor. I am so ashamed of how I feel that I don't know what to do. The feeling is indescribable. It is almost like mourning (worst than jealousy). Intellectually, I don't really think that the male physicians are aroused, but, emotionally, it tears me up.<br />
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I've often wondered how women would feel if the tables were turned.

Do you look at "other" women who are naked as in ***********? You therefore do not have ANY right to be jealous! Men are so hypicritical!

I too just can't wrap that idea around my head, they are still men first and foremost. Are people soo naive to think that male doctors cease to be males? I'm an Engineer and my whole family is doctors, my uncles, brothers , father and mother (brother and an uncle are GYNOs), and I tell you, there is absolutely nothing special about being a doctor. I believe that the medical institution has gone gravely wrong for this and other reasons.<br />
If it were acceptable for the doctor to do that, why not the security guy ? If that was the case it would be even easier for me to accept a male doctor for my wife, at least this way I know people are honest with themselves and aware of the mess that is happening but accepting the reality as it is, but what's happening is that most people are fed what to think.<br />
I'm inclined to think the women who go to male gynos and people in general are led to believe doctors are angels, there is no sexual feelings of attraction and jealousy in a medical environment and it's ok to be intimately checked by a male doctor, while it couldn't be father from the truth, it's only rationalization, a psychological defense mechanism, at the same time these feelings are pushed to the back of their heads, not to disappear but the damage the subconsciousness of the patient, male doctor and partner.

I hate ******* doctors, anything to do with them, this is going to split me and my wife of 30 years up !!! What can I do to get this **** out of my mind ?

Do you look at *********** or any other naked women? If you do like most men then you have no right to say or feel anything about doctors or anyone else seeing her naked!

Ryon2u,<br />
I really don't know. I too wish women would just go to gynecologists who would ideally be females only. I don't understand it either, perhaps society believes the educated doctor to be more ethical than the supposedly uneducated guard at the airport. It bothers me too, it really does. I hate it. As for the guy who posted this article, just ask your wife to visit a female gyn. It should not be so hard for her to do if she loves you.

The question is, why the medical world allow male doctors to examine female patient private parts???? No reasons???? Because they are professional? If this is the reasons, then a male security is allowed to ask a female to undress for him to check, an airport security can be allowed to check the female body, all also for works right?<br />
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Another question is, why a female willing to be naked for a male doctor?? without considering husbands' feeling?? Why not allow male security or police to check their body??? <br />
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Think of it... and all doctors, professors, whatever, please give me a answer

Hypocrisy. Also way too many women seen to be too naive.

Men who view naked women in *********** are the hypicrites here, end if story

If you look at ***** or any other woman naked, then your wife has the right to let the doctor or the security guy or any other guy look at her naked if she wants to....its a 2 way street. Now you know how the wives of **** addicts feel "sort of". You have to deal with only one man she has to deal with many thousands!

It's not being naive, most guys don't even give a ****. It's not like the doctor is ******* your wife.

1 More Response

Can I ask if doing all those pelvic exams affected your sex life? my partner and I are both doctors and my problem is that because seeing a woman's private parts has become so medicalised, I just dont feel sexy around him anymore. I feel like he's going to be examining me when he looks at me or touches me and that is quite a turn off... any advice?

Although I am not a practicing Ob/Gyn, I am an M.D. While I was an Air Force doc, I performed probably over 1000 pelvic exams. I can understand the psychology of a husband being jealous. The exam is very intimate and my belief is that the jealousy stems from the fact that the women patients are "routinely submitting" to having another man (Medical Doctor) view and touch their genitals, even though the procedures are performed for good faith medical reasons. I can honestly say that although I was conscience of the fact that I may be examining an attractive women, I never became sexually excited. It may be difficult to understand, but the clinical environment and the examination procedures do not lend themselves to becoming aroused. Further, there was always a female assistant in the exam room any time that I examinined a patient's breasts or performed a pelvic exam. Believe me when I say that there is a difference in how I felt as a boyfriend putting my fingers in my girlfriend's vagina with the intention of sexually stimulating her and putting my latex gloved fingers into a patient's vagina for the purpose of performing a bimanual examination. I also knew that the exam was uncomfortable for the patient as well. I always attempted to be as fast as possible while still being thorough. I also believe that if I had not been on the "giving" side of a pelvic exam as a physician, I very well may be bothered by knowing that a male doc has seen and touched my wife's breasts, vagina, and anus. It's really not a glamorous as some may think.

I can really understand. I hate it too. My wife goes to a male gynecologist. I even hate the word. I have tried to get over it, but at least I haven't been able to.

That sounds like the word p o r n o for a woman.....and I'm sure you look at other naked women so what are you griping about....your wife can let whoever she wants look at her naked unless you stop looking at others

You don't have to be jeolous because it will distract you and at the same time it can colapse you. If you love your wife and trust her then there is no need of you to get jeolous. So take care of yourself. Bye

There's nothing wrong with your jealousy. I'd feel the same in your shoes, honestly. Keeping it to yourself won't help so at least be honest about it to her. Don't get angry when trying to tell it to her, I'm sure she'll understand. She'd probably find your jealousy funny and sweet and I'm sure that when she knows she'll find a way to comfort you and make you lose a little bit of the green monster inside.