Insecure And Unhealthy

Hi my name is Gene and I have jealousy problems to the core. I can't stand myself, therefore how can he. When you sit back and think why you have these problems its because you feel your not good enough, pretty enough, interesting enough to deserve his/her full heart. I am the biggest most obsessive offender. I hate pretty waitresses, I hate pretty doctors, I hate pretty cashiers, I hate EVERY WOMAN ON TV... only when he is around. I can't watch a lot of movies with him because let me tell ya, if he gets a hard on from someone other than me... IM GONNA FLIP. Do I know this is weird and unhealthy... absolutely, have I tried to fix it... Hell yea, I am a lot better than I used to... (lol go figure) I don't think he even realizes. There are a lot of things I have done in my life subconciously that I have put together recently. I live 5 hours away from my parents, and I don't go hang with them for a week, because i don't wanna leave him at the house a lone, just in case someone better comes along during the week. I gagged when he commented on J.LO's butt, and cried when he was away for weeks at a time, because you just never know.,.. (mind you, my FATHER trusts him, and my dad trusts no one, not even his brothers)... I make myself sick for no reason, but.. its just me.
Gene86 Gene86
26-30, F
6 Responses Jan 29, 2012

I want to thank everyone for all there responses on this subject. You've all been such a help along the way, letting me know I wasn't alone, and I wasn't completely off my rocker. want you all to know that things have mended themselves in many ways. While in no means perfect (no relationship is, whether you want to believe that or not), I'm more happy than I think I ever have been.

Oh gosh I dread watching TV or movies with my boyfriend too. All the women on TV are so attractive and I just feel like crap knowing he's watching them and probably thinking 'oh gosh she's so pretty'. :/

I know how this feels! It's horrible and uncontrollable!

Oh Gene... My heart breaks for you because i seriously understand exactly how you feel. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years, the first 5 of those were spent in a long distance relationship. When i finally moved to Florida to be with him, I found out that while I was in Indiana, he had cheated. Now thats understandable we met each other when we were 15/16 and we had a long distance relationship for 5 years after that so we both made mistakes during that time. However, because of that, I have terrible jealousy issues. I don't let him go out with his friends, everytime he tries, i try to physically stop him, in addition to yelling and crying immensely. When he goes to work, i sit here and think about what he could possibly be doing while at work, talking to other girls, meeting them at lunch, etc. I will not go to Indiana to visit my family because I'm scared he's going to cheat while i'm away. I dont know how to get over this. I've looked into why i could possibly be so jealous and i found something about anxious-preoccupied attachment disorder. I really think that i may have it. you should look it up to and see if you think it relates to you as well.

Thank you. I wish I new why i felt this way. He never has cheated. He has always been more up my *** than I could handle up until now, and its not his fault, its his job and he hates it... I just don't understand myself. :(

LOL. I am not laughing at you, your story just reminds me of myself, a few years back. When I first met my husband, he just graduated from college. We spent a few months without a job thus always together all the time. One day he found a job and I was happy for him.... not entirely cause at the same time, I was so scared that he may have pretty co-workers, pretty clients, etc.... The evening he came back from his first day at his job, I looked through his wallet, his pockets if there were women's phone numbers there. That lasted a few years. I tried to arrange my days off at work to coincide with his because I was scared of what he would do alone while I'm at work. Just like you, I hated watching TV/movies with him cause if he made a comment about a good looking girl, I just got crushed. When we go to a store together and browse some car magazines, I would hide all the cover with women on them. The list could be long.... BUT....<br />
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I looked at my life closely and I notice that I have other obsessive tendencies. For example, if he goes out, I am obsessively worried about his well being. When he goes out (to go to the hardware store for example) and asks me "do you want to come?", I jump up, grab my purse and I go. Normal people would probably say "no thanks, I have my own thing" LOL.... Not me, I follow him cause I am so scared that could be the last time I ever see him. That's when I realized that I finally found someone I love more than myself and that I was just too scared to lose him. <br />
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I didn't go to therapy per say, I went through life's therapy. I got busy, focused on work and family and I told myself "If he really wanted to be with those pretty girls and celebrities, why is he with me?". I also learned that I can only control myself, I can't control him. If he really chooses to leave me for those girls, I just have to deal with that. So I started to let it go, little by little but now I am proud to say, I am not jealous anymore. <br />
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Hope that helps even a little! Take care!

This helped me a lot. You were exactly where I am! Except I don't look thru his stuff because I am scared of what I'll see. I don't wanna even see **** in there I'll get uncomfy. But I know I have no right to have these feelings, so I just give him that space. I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me, I am just way insecure. Thank you so much for your comment. xoxo

i can relate to what you are saying. have you looked up about anxious-preoccupied attachment disorder? i think we may both have that.

See. What I need is therapy... LOTS of therapy. the good news is... I don't let him see it. Im not at the point where were out and the waitress comes up and i scream at him. I just have fun with her like i would anyone else. A happy fun girl is a pretty girl right? So... whats the point of me spitting fire?<br />
I really just need some therapy... luckily we have insurance now!