I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. However one thing is bothering me and I don't know why....
His ex girlfriend.

They were together 6 years and I can't stop comparing myself to her. He hasn't spoken to her since a month after they broke up....yet I'm still bothered by her. I'm always comparing things, in my head such as: 'Is she prettier/smarter/less annoying' than me.

I'm annoyed she has the same profession as me and has chosen to die her hair the same colour. I feel like the reason they broke up was stupid.. especially for that length of time.. I cant understand how someone could throw away a 6 year relationship over some jealousy and control issues... From what he has told me, she would often break up with him and go on 'breaks' over minor issues... however their relationship ended with him breaking it off with her over her trying to control him. He doesn't like to talk about it much and maybe that's what bothers me. When we first started seeing each other, I was just out of a relationship my self... I was single for only 1 month and he single for 6 months. Him and I weren't serious about each other at that point and would just vent about our ex's... Therefore I know way to much about their relationship and how he felt at that time. At the very start of our relationship he told me that apart of her would always be there.. However 2 years later he doesn't remember saying this and detests that he doesn't think of her in the slightest anymore and only thinks of me.

I just want to stop comparing myself to her and wondering what she's also thinking. It's like I'm wondering is she comparing herself to me... bragging to her friends that he was with her for 6 years and I will never measure up? its just ridiculous thoughts and I want to stop.
pineapplemay pineapplemay
22-25, F
1 Response Oct 14, 2015

Oh, I'm sorry you're feeling so insecure about how you compare to his ex. It's understandable that you might have some lingering questions, but has he ever given you a reason to question your relationship, or how you might compare with her? Have you ever been able to talk to him about your feelings regarding his ex? It's possible sometimes to build things up so much in our heads when the reality is actually very different. Obviously I don't know your boyfriend or much about your relationship, but it might help give you peace of mind just to talk openly and honestly with him. Also, have you ever considered talking to a counselor, just to try to find where your inability to stop comparing yourself to his ex comes from? It might be something you can work on with some external help. Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you can work past this to focus on your relationship and find some peace. Best of luck, friend!