My BF was private messaging women friends on facebook that we are not mutual friends with. The ones I am friends with I have taken it upon myself to friend request and introduce myself and become FB friends with. My problem is suddenly he is commenting to pictures of beautiful women who he has not talked to since school. We are 50 years old. And I know he has private messaged them telling them how beautiful and smart they are and how he wanted them to know he was thinking about them. We had a problem with this issue over a year ago. He would get a message from an ex once a month or so and would tell me if I asked that he doesn't like to hurt anyone feelings and it was just Hi how are you doing chit chat. One eveneing we were laying in bed looking at facebook and he handed me his phone to read something and when I went scroll the page changed and it was his his pm list and I saw that she had messaged him "I miss you too". I was crushed because that was not chit chat. I had told him from the begining I did not like him talking to her. Long back story but she only had a relationship with him for money. Then ran off and married her exfiance two weeks after sleeping with him. And was continually telling him she made a mistake and she loved him when he was starting to have a relationship with me. That night things blew up and there was a lot if silence and tears from me after our screaming match. He told me when I moved in he had no secrets from me he was an open book. Left his facebook signed in and gave me his passwords for online. I read the messages that were not deleted. Ther were only 3 thst had not slready been deleted.She said she was thinking about him a lot. He replied he was thinking about her too and he said "I miss my squishy". To which she replied I miss you too. My heart was crushed we talked at length on the third day. He said he meant he missed the people he had worked with. He also deleted her and blocked her from his phone. He wanted to delete his facebook because he didn't want me telling him who he can and cannot talk too. I told him that was not my intention and i did not want to run his life. And things were better until I recently noticed the liking snd commenting to beautiful girls and saw he was pming them also..

tbottoms44 tbottoms44
51-55, F
2 Responses Nov 19, 2015

I'm sorry. I know it hurts. Been going through this with one of my lovers. I finally got him to admit that he had these online relationships. Knowing about it made me feel a little bit better but I would still get jealous but I decided I would have to move on and find other people too.

I guess I'm fortunate in that my lover understand my feelings and is doing what he can to stop rubbing it in my face.

there really is nothing you can do about it. whatever you do, don't act out on the jealousy because it creates this defensive environment and eventually he's going to leave you and become indifferent to you. don't let it show!

dont want to ruin our relationship because of my petty jealousy. It just makes me feel like I am not what he wants and it hurts.
We talked for hours lastnight. He said he was just giving them a boost of confidence because the one was going through a rough time (divorce after 18 year marriage)and he had that when he got divorced the second time and wanted her to know it was ok.And others were just touching base with an old friend. The one going through the divorce was just someone he sat beside in school. Still confused.

He deactivated his facbook. He said he did not need that account he needed me. That was aweek ago and I have been out of state for most of the time. Tonight he he confessed my jealousy is tearing him apart he is walking on eggshells and does not know what else he can do to prove that he is not looking for someone else or having a secret active social life.. I love him very much and am scared I have pushed him into what sounds like terrible unhappiness.. I do not want him having private conversations with Beautiful women and gushingly flirting with them.

yes it's hurtful when he's gushing over them. ask him if he can please understand you rather than asking him to stop. in most cases a guy who really cares about you will be like "oh my God I had no idea it was affecting her this way"

The first time when we had the blow up over the ex girlfriend.. that is what he said he had no idea it was bothering me aa much as it did. And he truly was upset that he hurt me.. But never thought what he did was wrong. And he does not think that there is anything wrong with what he is doing now. He has not been back on facebook since he desctivated his account. But I feel and here saddness and resent because I make him feel not trusted.. and he is cutoff from a huge portion of socialization.

do your best to make your life way more fun than Facebook. 😉. if he really wants his facebook back just let them have it. if the subject comes up again tell him it made you feel bad when _____ because_________ and ___________ and what I need going forward is for you to understand that. because i love you and want you to be happy, I would not want to make you feel controlled or pressured so enjoy Facebook and be authentic with me.

but here's the kicker, YOU have to do the work to and you have to open up to what he has to say to you.

in the end all you can do is try to make life better and make it all worth it… Have a fun life do fun things together, dress cuter than any of those ladies he sees not mine, make yourself beautiful from the inside and out. he is with you! loves you! don't compare yourself to any other woman beautiful or otherwise. You bring something completely different to the table and you can't be swapped out. i

you can't control him hon.

I remember I used to have A boyfriend who would call my cell and grill me about who I was with even if it was just my girlfriends it was a problem. If I told him where I was he would call the venue or restaurant and try to find out if I was telling the truth. because somehow being at a restaurant with my girlfriends is worthy of lies

just remembering how terrible I felt myself being on the other side of this jealousy thing… Helped me to stop acting out my fears

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