Now The Blaming Starts.......

i lost my baby on 11613 its been 4 days since my monkey went to heaven....now the problems begin to rise.....my boyfriend starts to blame him self for putting me threw all this pain.....and he is right he is the guilty one not me he knew that i was scare to have a baby now since both our families we have cases of miscarriages....he knew that i was not ready he knew i was not health enough but he didnt listen to me.....when i told him i was not ready and i didnt want to have one yet he got mad he didnt want to talk about babies and he pushed me aside he though that i didnt want to marry him or have his babies....that hurt me really bad it was like a knife enter my heart....but i did got pregnant i was excited but then i lost my monkey and all i can do is cry all the time....the worse thing is that when i was driving i was about to crash not just once but twice i zoomed out and it was not pretty....now i cant get the courage to tell him that it was all his fault that i lost the baby and that i am going threw some really bad physical and emotional pain......all i do is push him away i dont show affection no more....its like the love i have for him suddenly turn cold as ice.....i love him i do....all this time we have been together has been filled with happiness as well as hardships but we always worked it out but now i dont think i will be able to work it out....i blame him for everything that i am going threw....i mean he got it easy and i have it hard its something that i can just make vanished.....i dont know what to do everything in my bean is telling me to leave him or to take revenge and do something that will hurt him bad as bad as the death of my monkey was to me..but the other part of me tells me no tells me that god needed an angel by his side and it choose my angel....dam i really dont know what to do please help i feel all alone in this world....i cant tell my mom or my sister since they dont know i feel all alone and broken i need help:'(....
Monkey11613 Monkey11613
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

I'm so sorry hon. Do you need to talk about it?

I know your loss and the feelings you hold towards your bf now. It's very common to feel this way after a loss. I wrote my own experience read mine and it can explain what I too went through. Again if you need to talk let me know on here. Hang in there sweetie