My Hidden Secret

My earliest memories of being a klepto are from kindergarten. I still remember the persons name and what I stole. My mom took me took a shrink once and I would steal stuff from his office or waiting area. The silly man had one of those good faith snack box things - all the snacks are stilling on a cardboard stand with a small cardboard money collection box. A bad idea for a shrink to have in my opinion.
You may be wondering why I have all of the issues I do when my mom was carting me off to every shrink she could find from about the age of 7. To sum it up in a few words, I grew up in a lot of fear; my mom and step dad were alcoholics, my older brothers and step dad beat on me and molested me from age 5. They did not know about each other and my mom seemed oblivious to it all. I tried to tell her about the molesting once and she was to caught up in her own life to care.
As I said I started stealing things when I was young it has been a well protected secret. I have worked at jobs where they had top notch loss prevention (LP) teams because they dealt with high priced goods or were a retail outlet. The costly items did not catch my eye it was the trivial things - ink pens, post it notes, paper clips - I also have OCD so neatness and perfection are mandatory. At home I have shoe boxes full of ink pens and paper clips. At some of the jobs the LP team would have a meeting now and then and talk about shrinkage/theft, I always thought I would make a great loss prevention person since they always say to catch a crook you have to think like a crook - well I do 24/7/365! At one job there was a very arrogant LP guy, I did not like his personality at all, he was rattling on about how every person that had ever stole from there had been caught. That he has been there for 15 years and has seen every trick so nothing gets by him. Those words planted a seed in my head, i tried to ignore it but grew and grew - I had to take something from the floor to prove him wrong. It was a challenge since we went through metal detectors and hand scanners when going in and out of each area. We were also not allowed to have pockets. I did steal from there and I was not caught he was even working the first time. There was only two incidences were I stole something because I was proving to them I could. There was a difference in the feeling, I was about to control that for a while until the urge was to strong to stop with my usual klepto urges I cannot control like that.
Yesterday I was grocery shopping as I was leaving I was stopped by store security they thought I was trying to steal. It was a whole pork tenderloin that I laid on the under part of the grocery cart and completely forgot about. These things are not small at least 2 ft long or more. Laying right out in the open on the cart. In a small way I cannot help but to think that this might be some sort of payback for all the times I have stolen. I was not arrested but do have a court date. When the police got there I told them it was a mistake, the cop did not think it was as malicious as security made it seem. I am going to get an atty but I am thinking of being 100% honest with him and tell him *Hey look I am a klepto have been all my life. I have never been caught shoplifting or stealing. Not because I am that good but I steal useless trivial things. This is a honest mistake, if I had the intent to steal I would have and most likely not have been caught. I would not put a whole tenderloin right there where you can see it!* I do not want to plead guilty, while I am a klepto I was not trying to steal it.
What do you all think, should be upfront with my atty?
StickEhand StickEhand
41-45, F
1 Response Jul 6, 2012

inagaddadavida said it all. Listen to her!