Please Someone Help Me!!
I have never pictured myself becoming like this. But this is a huge problem and it needs to be fixed. I grew up with my grandmother as a child for 7 years, learning values and morals. The quote that is stuck in my head that she always tell me is, "These hands are helping hands." Moving back with my mother in America i lived a happy life, no harm, well behaved in school and on the honor roll. My mother got married when i was the age of 11 and this seems like the problem began. I love my step father, he is taking care of me like i am his own son, even though he has two more children who was older than me. I remember my father had 50 dollars on his counter and it interested me. 50 dollars to me back then was alot of money. I picked it up and i knew it was my step father's. I went to him and said, "I found $50!!" And immediately my mother yelled at me and said "Put it back it does not belong to you!!" Anyway time moves on and i noticed that i am always going into my brothers and sisters room snooping around looking for stuff. It could have been a pen, a little puzzle, a toy and i will take it. Of course i got in trouble and apologized to my brother and sister, and i said i would never do it again. A couple months pass by and i do the same thing again and get in trouble. But as i grew i got into more serious stuff. I was at the age when my body was go threw changes and girls was my interest. I got caught up in *********** and i used my dads credit card to purchase the ***********. when i purchase the *********** i felt great and pleasure but when i was done. I felt ashamed that i stole from my dad. I told my self i would never do this again. Sadly i went back to it and feeling the same thing over again. Sometimes i would stop for a couple months and found other ways to pleasure myself with out using my dads credit cards. But eventually i got bored and went back to my dads credit card to purchase more ***********. I got in serious trouble when my parents found out, not so much on the *********** but stealing my dads money to buy it. I felt so ashamed for weeks i told myself i would never do this again ever. Again i fall back into. *********** was getting old and it was the same thing over again so i got tired of it and eventually i didnt care for it anymore. So for a couple of months i was fine. But threw out the month i took small things that know one even noticed like $1 in quarters to get a drink at school from my DAD's coin jar and i guess it kept me from stealing big things. He didn't notice but he always tell me if i need some change from the coin jar, ask him. Eventually I gave in and went into his wallet and took $20 for some reason. I took it but i never used it, and i kept doing it. I Eventually stopped and went onto his check book. I had my own bank account with no money. I wrote a check and forged his name and deposit it into my checking account. I felt the rush doing so but once it was deposited into my bank. I felt the shame again but it eventually supsided and i moved on with my life. What i do with the money some times it just sits there till i deciede to use it or something, and i kept doing it over and over. Eventually it caught up to me when my dads realized his bank was overdrawn and charged him with a huge few. I got in serious trouble again. My parents didnt press charges no matter how many times i did. Since i am 18 it can be tried as a felony and i can do serious time. I always say will never do it again, but it always happened again. For some reason i only do this with my step father, not my mother or any family members on her side. Even though the thought has came i never went threw with it to steal from my mother, i just couldn't. Someting was stopping me. I don't steal from my friends or any where else but my father. And i want that same feeling that i do for my mother to my step-father. Please someone help me this needs to stop. Before i go bigger and do serious time in jail. I have never went to jail and it will destroy the rest of my life if i do.