Someone Please Explain

im currently 16 and for more than 4 years i have been constantly stealing things.

i'll go into shops and feel the desire to go around a store and take everything that i think i can get away with.

sometimes when im at home, and im bored i get the urge to go into main street of my hometown and find things that i hardly even need and just take them. ill come home and i hardly even remember where id been or why i have all these new items with me. i havent ever been caught. some of my friends steal aswell but they do it because they want the items and think its cool, i wonder if klepto is more common than i think it is...

even when im somwhere i havent been before or if im left in a room at a family or friends house i will take whatever i can, even if theres people in the room ill be sitting there thinking about stealing things around me and trying to find ways to get them out of the room.

i recently ruined alot of very close friendships by stealing items. My best friend and i were really close and i'd known her all my life but everytime i went to her house i would grab anything i could and stuff it into my bag, just random things like cups, and clothes, makeup, hair ties, shoes, alchahol, dvds, games i couldnt help myself. and when we went to parties i'd go through the house and ppls bags. eventually she caught up with me and everytime i fell asleep she would go threw and take everything out of my bag.it made me extremely angry and i started screaming at her to put it back and not touch my stuff(it wasnt even mine!) it just gives me this feel of.. i dont even know what to call it, but it makes me feel alot better, a sense of accomplishment maybe? less depressed to know i got away with it.

i have only talked to her once since that precise incident.. and she was trying to forgive me, saying that i probably  doing it becoz i was jealous of her, i was so confused by my actions that i just snapped, i dont know. but i was so angry becoz she told everyone at school(i dropped out that year) that i was a thief and i cant be trusted with anything anymore, so people started ignoring me and some picked on me. (as if i didnt have enough problems already, with 5 of my closest family members dying within 5 months of each other and having depression to the point that i was seeing therapists and taking some medication for a while + my parents splitting up and my brother going to the army) but i can't open up to anyone, not even my youth workers, im too embarrassd to tell anyone and the idea of letting my rents in on it is out of the question. i just feel soo bad about everything it tears me up, but im still stealing! when i do it it makes me feel a bit better for a while...

i also did it to another best friend of mine, i stole one of his sisters things... and he found out threw the chick that i already stole from, i dont want to loose more friends, im sinking into a larger type of depression and i dont want to steal its ruining things for me and i hate the feeling of not knowing why!!!! please heeelllppp

 

 

 

JaalaPurdie16 JaalaPurdie16
18-21, F
Mar 3, 2009