True Love and True Loss

The  pain cuts like a knife.  Can't eat, can't sleep, don't want to go anywhere.  I see traces of him all around the house, in little things outside, in small remembering good times and not so good times.  Walking around, feeling like an empty shell is difficult.  I don't want to go on, don't want to put myself out there for more pain.  Don't want to try again for fear of the pain again.  All I want is a true and forever love.  Someone to make me happy and someone to be able to make happy.  Bah humbug on love.  What is the point?
Jynx Jynx
31-35, F
10 Responses Oct 24, 2007

me and mine.....we were like fire and water....we damaged eachother but we made eachother whole too. we loved eachother and the whole world was ours. <br />
Now without him, i carry the baby of another man and am paralysed with the pain of losing him. the only thing keeping me going is my two other children. so now, my track record is three children to three different men. Only one was a way. <br />
i am torn and paranoid of the world. the only time i feel safe is when i'm alone. my newest partner, the father of my unborn, wants a future with me, loves me and my other girls, and wants to prtect us. <br />
but still i am in pain of the other man i lost. like a gaping hole. my girls ask about him. the tell me they love him. and in truth so do. despite everything. he has tried to destroy me, he has tried to scare me with solicitors over the girls despite no restrictions on him seeing the girls. <br />
the mess is ever swallowing me up. <br />
<br />
to be on my own is safe. i can cry on my own. i can look after my babies on my own. i can wake up with no fear of pain on my own. i can choose what i want and need without fear of making the wrong decision for someone else. and i won't be blamed anymore for other peoples pain. <br />
<br />
surely....alone is safer...better......just safer.

Trust me ive lived through around 5 of these in the past few years, you feel perfect for each other and are identical until 1 thing happens and your going down in turmoil, beleive me i know, every1 saying Get a grip and stuff, it's far harder than you can imagine, there's no harness or safetynet's if you fall your juist tumbling into the hellish oblivion until you hit the bottom and slowly climb your way back to your heart (Im a Guy BTW so it's not just you women)

When you put yourself out there, when you give your heart to someone, you’re taking a chance. There’s no way to know if the relationship will end in “happily ever after” and if it doesn’t that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. It just means he was not “your prince”, but you can’t give up on love because “your prince” is still out there, and you have to believe that. The day you stop believing in “happily ever after” is the day you let go of the fairytale; and every girl is a princess who deserves her own fairytale. <br />
There is going to be times, in spite of all our efforts, when we end up being hurt by the person who we trusted the most. When you lose the person you love, you feel like you lost yourself. This is a completely rational feeling; because you gave a piece of yourself to that individual, a very sacred, treasured part of you, your heart. You’re left with a void, a void that was previously filled with love and happiness. Although at the time it feels like this void will never be filled ever again, trust me, it can be and in time, it will. When you lose the person you love, when your stomach is in a knot and you feel a lump in your throat, when you’d rather spend your time sleeping than living life, this is when you have a decision to make: you can either lay down and let the hurt consume you, or you can pick yourself back up. During this time it’s important to rediscover yourself, find things that you enjoy doing, surround yourself with people who love you and will support you during this difficult time. <br />
I’m going to be completely honest, it’s a long, hard road; one that will be filled with tears, setbacks, and roadblocks, but YOU ARE strong enough to make it. You just have to believe in yourself, believe that you are strong enough to overcome this heartbreak. I truly believe that every setback we stumble upon during this unpredictable drive through life has a purpose. Maybe the moments you see now as roadblocks and swerves in the wrong direction are actually detours, leading you towards the road you were meant to be on all along. Look at your current situation as a temporary roadblock, you must find a way around it, so you can keep on driving. When it comes to life and love you need to remember: you can plan all you want, but a person has no control over the outside forces that come suddenly and change your life. All you can do is keep rewriting your plan.<br />
Life has a unique way of teaching lessons, and every day you will continue to learn. I was in your shoes not too long ago and I know the pain you feel can at times be unbearable, but you can’t lose hope. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, back to those moments’ years ago, when I found myself looking into the mirror, with tears streaming down my face, and an ache in my heart. I wish I could go back and look into that same mirror, into my young, empty, eyes; just to say <br />
"everything will be okay”. Because sometimes all it takes is someone to reassure you that there’s always a rainbow after the storm. Jynx, you may not be able to see it now, but everything happens for a reason. You just have to stick it out long enough for the purpose to surface. <br />
Eleanor Roosevelt once said “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

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I was once where you are now. Not that I can say I'm much past that point, but it does get better! Don't give up on Love! What's the old saying.. Better to have Loved and lost than to never loved at all.. something like that. For me at least I have faith I will Love again. I wasn't looking for Love when it found me before!

The point can only be found if love is as origanly intended by the creator himself. If life is lived on our terms instead of his we can expect such feelings. <br />
On another story of your Dad, I say this.<br />
You would honor him best by moving on in the spirit of life he would wish for you. That is live everyday as if your last in truth, and honor and serving others. You will find more joy in service than you ever will in just geting the job that pays best. He would desire you to live in joy and servie rather than missing him. You may be surprised just how often he looks down on you and says to move on in life. He would be greatly sad to see you loping arround in dispair. <br />
FIGHT and have patience at the same time. Do what it takes to get the experience and training you need to do what you wan't to do. Then keep looking forward. You can still have your dream job if that is in fact what you want. However, this is the chance to find out if this is what you really want. Will it make you happy not just soon: But will it make you happy on your very death bed that it is what you did with your life. After all, more often than not you hear people say " I would give everything back to change _______________ about my life". They die with regret. I don't know you or your father well enough to say. But did you ever wonder if where he is now, that he may be asking the creator of all to help lead you? That not geting this job may be an open door and not a closed one. <br />
Again I've not read enough or know enough to give proper, knowlegable reply to your desires. Just giving some thoughts to what I have read of you.<br />
I wish you so much in geting what you find yourself to truly desire in life. :-)

*hugs* - I hope it gets easier for you!

i knw, dats true.. my boyfriend broke up wit me 2day. well he aint my boyfriend anymore.. and it hurts alot.. i still go 2 skool and i cry over there 2.. :(<br />
life isnt worth living anymore.. im 13 years old.

The point is to never give up. Someone out there does feel for you....or at least wants to. Nothing good ever comes easy...but the pain is sometimes worth the outcome......... check your email hon.

You can't give up on love.... really, without love, what do we have to look forward to??? You sound so down... if you ever need to talk, please just email me....