I Have Learnt A New Thing Today!

Well i think that I will continue my first story today...It is like some soap opera that cannot find the very in in the last season... Well we still talk with each other...call and I think I cannot have the courage to stop it though I know I should have long time ago. I have read many stories in here and I thought that it is a very bad thing to be with a wrong person...with a wrong person for me. I have met many wrong people in this way, I have been the one who was hurt, hurt badly and I recall those times I was crying because I had such a big wound in my heart and kept asking the silent person in my room: Why is this happening to me?! As I have not done anything wrong that much to be hurt like that?!" And there was just a silence and no answer...And now I am that cruel person who hurts another one. I know I was wrong but really frankly speaking in the very beginning I really wanted things to work out and then all love and feelings just disappeared when I saw there is no response...
  So what i have learned today... I have learned that I should have never discussed my problem with another ones, my friends even. It hurts people, it hurt that guy too...I know I was wrong but you know I felt horrible and wanted to find the right answer and silly thought that I can find it when I talk to people. But who can tell you what your heart should feel. I guess none...so it never helped and now I realized how much I hurt him, I knew that before but now I clearly saw that and I am very glad that I had the chance to say I am sorry! It is not the one I am sorry that you say just to get rid of bad things you have done....and that is it just said that and felt better. But aa I wanted to apologize from the bottom of my heart that i WAS WRONG! AND IF I COULD I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ALL THE PAIN I CAUSED TO MYSELF!  You see the other day we were going back to his place, kind of last night of talking and being with each other...and I saw his eyes in the taxi when he looked at me...he looked like me...exactly like me when i was crying and asking why...God I felt so bad, so bad and felt all he felt and that hurt more....i felt I can never release myself from all the dirt I have done. i saw myself in him...hurt and lonely and no words can explain that...nothing can be said just be felt. 
  Today we talked and i said i am so sorry...I will try to be an adult and change myself and we will decide everything. He said fine. But you know I keep asking him: How do you know and why do you think that I AM THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU?! I mean he should have felt that right people do not do things like this like what I've done. So he surprised me with an answer: I am tired of being lonely. And then I go: What if I am just the person who showed some hope of having love but it is not so. So you just want to be with me because you are afraid of being lonely....
  I think that we are both wrong...Me being stupid, weak and like a kid listening to everyone...and he not seeing the reality though he says he does.  And the worst thing is that now I have to go home, you see i am from another city and in here in Ukraine it is not that easy to change places to live as we have different life here. So I need to go home and start working there by my profession and have own place to live as now I live at my aunt's place...and he  he keeps saying you need just to figure things out and then just trust me and everything will be fine....but it will not be. I am so f**** up..really sorry for bad words here but there is nothing I could replace them with...I am so confused about life, who I am and what i want....The only thing I know for sure,  I DO WANT TO LOVE, CREATE OWN FAMILY AND LIVE A HAPPY LIFE BUT MY HEART IS BEING SILENT FOR YEARS.  Once it spoke but i was dumped and hurt....So where is the love?