Words Cannot Express My Loss, I Couldn't Do Anything...

Yesterday, I went back to my parents house. It was just a quick visit, but it turned out to be so much longer... My sister has moved back in with them and has brought her pet cat, dogs and cats certainly didn't mix at our house, so she was locked up in my sisters old room as my dog had reign of the rest of the house. My dog had bitten my sister once before, though my sister does love him terribly, she had to go to the hospital to get the wound treated. Whenever they find an animal they have to report the animal that did it and now my dog had a record. He was put on a temporary house arrest. I have been away at college for some time , coming back on holidays and trying to train him back up, but when ever food was involved, all bets were off. I loved my dog dearly, so when I got a job in the city I started with an apartment like most, but like most apartments they don't allow animals. So my parents were content with keeping the dog until I could find a more suitable place that would allow pets. I had gotten a steady job in a mobile company doing graphics, practically a dream job right? Well, one day I had trouble with my car (its fine now) but it had to be taken in and none of my roommates were available to pick me up so I called my dad. He came and got me. He took me back to the family house and I was told the news of my dog... One of the vets assistants tried to put the leash on him and he tried to bite her, but my mother pushed her out of the way... A story I don't want to get into (my mom is fine) but long story short, my dog had to be put down... All because he was biting... He was roughly 8 years old and he had to be put down. Sure dying of old age or some awful disease I would have been fine with... But forcing him to be put down... I could not believe this was happening... My eyes are watering as I am typing this but I just want to get this off written hoping it might make me feel better, so im sorry for any spelling things. For that entire weekend, I cried my brains out as the only way I could fall asleep was to cry myself to sleep (which i continued for weeks afterward) but i couldn't show up at work crying my eyes out all over my work. So i've felt like i've had to keep moving on without properly mourning him and it just isn't right. we got his paw print in clay or whatever but no body dares take it out of the box, my mother will never set foot inside the vet's again because she's just lost too many and i feel the same way. At work, the superintendant of the building brings his dog in with him all the time and I kind of clinged to him and it helps me to think that at least someone is happy. I can't help myself when i'm driving i see people walking their dogs and i was like 'i used to be one of those people' and i wind up pulling over to the side of the road or the parking lot and i cry my eyes out. Ever since that weekend when i'm at my parents house, i feel like i can imagine him in all his usal places, one of the was the top of the stairs where he would always takes his naps... i'm sorry i can't finish this... ill have to finish this another time i cant event see the keybrd anymorre... i'm sorry..
bluebarker bluebarker
18-21, M
Nov 26, 2012