Rest In Peace And Me In Pieces, I left the light on but you will not be comming home.

Spanky Bean Pinkerton More than two years has passed, and despite what some say time does not heal all wounds. It may slightly numb the sting of a reality without you but the pain remains the same. There's the anger of how unfair it is, and the deep sadness of failing to keep you safe and the unwavering painful sorrow of the price everyone must pay when they are given such an amazing gift, I had you, a wonderful gift for 11 years and now I have the price of having known and loved you but now being forced to remain in a world where you are no longer. This world is darker without you. My life is less full without you. There remains a hole in my heart that bleeds for you. There is a new realization that there is no mercy in this life because if there was I would have bled out long ago. I am here left with a wound for which the only cure is you. I have memories and I try to keep each and every one of them but I know the minutes steal them away from me. When you first left I wondered which moment was the one where I failed you? Was it one simple moment or was it a combination of moments. Was there something I should have done differently? Was there anything I could have done differently? Which moment betrayed us? How long did we go on not knowing our time would be over? Was this outcome fate? Was the moment we met the moment that would ultimately lead us here? Please know I never meant to fail you. I will always love you. And I am so sorry please forgive my failure to keep you safe. There was nothing more I wanted than your safety and long life. I have pictures that have caputured you image but they do nothing to capture your soul and I fiercely hold on to the memory of you, and gladly take the heartache that brings. You followed me to the ends of the world and I know you would gladly be anywhere as long as I was at your side and this hurts the most because I am no longer at your side. I know you would never want to be anywhere I could not go. I worry that you are alone in some limbo and frantically searching for me. I remember going on vacation and returning to hear stories about how the whole time I was gone you refused all food, all walks and could not be coaxed with any treat or toy. You tunnel through the bedding and remained under ther covers at the foot of my bed until my return. There is nothing more utterly devastating than the thought of you being at the foot of a bed waiting for me now. I pray that no matter where you are that there is someone there loving you as much as I do. And that despite my absence you are happy. I know that you will never again come when I call and I am heartbroken without you. Rest in peace my faithful friend and know I will always love you.

Vivagalore Vivagalore
31-35, F
7 Responses Oct 19, 2009

Losing a pet really hurts. Princess was my first pet. I'll always love her. She was a great friend

Mr.Spankerton Bean...beloved doggy of mine, if some part of you exists out there in the ether somehow, there is a little lost soul by the name of Spot, I would like you to do your best to help him find his way.

beautiful words. I do believe that they are there.... happy, telling us not to worry, and when the time right, we'll see them again..and they'll be waiting for us, wagging their tails. <br />
I found out my lab has cancer in his ankle. The first vet missed it completely and said it was a torn ligament in his knee..not even close.She had me keeping him off his leg for 4 weeks. Another vet.. a surgeon came back in 15 minutes and said no way.. it's in his ankle, he's in ~alot~ of pain. The highs and lows of the roller coaster are not fun. At first I thought I was going to have to put him to sleep, and had a place picked out in my yard where he loves to lay down and rest, under the shade and taking everything in. I was going to have the vet come here. I refused to think that it would happen in a closed in room that he had never been in before.<br />
I found out that the cancer was isolated in the ankle, and in order for him to live on.. they have to amputate his leg up to his hip. They assured me he'll be pain free and live many more yrs, and that animals adapt much better and easier than we as humans do. Of all days on finding out that there was real help and hope for him..from an organization that helps in these situations.. was Friday the 13th.<br />
I take him in on Tuesday for pre op and leave him there, Wednesday they will remove the cancerous leg, and thursday.. as long as there aren't any complications.. he comes home. I look at him.. knowing that he has no idea what is going to happen, and me knowing that he relies on me to be there for him, and protect him. And he does the same for me. He's been there for me thru 4 surgeries in 5 yrs, with 2 more to go. He's my good luck charm :)

My thoughts are with you and your furry friend. It is indeed hard to express to them that what we do is what we feel is best for them. Of course if you treat the surgery and the result with regret or sadness the dog will pick up on that and maybe wonder why you are sad or regretful, but if you treat the surgery and new 3legged life as something good and are happy...maybe that will be the best way to show him that it was the only choice and the right choice? Just thoughts...
If you ever need to exchange dog stories I am always here.

And thank you for helps.

I've experienced many losses.... strangely this one has by far changed and influenced me in the most profound of ways. This is still my greatest heartache. Something I view as a failure to do what I had promised to do. It is a regret and even a shame that still burdens me.

Nicely penned my friend True said pets are also like a family..The sounds line best to my ears..."my faithful friend and know I will always love you." Keep writing...:)

What a beautifully written tribute to a dear friend and what a wonderfully desc<x>riptive picture of lost love you've painted. That was very well done!

Oh, this is soooooo sad. I know exactly how you feel. I lost a beloved dog of mine when one of my children did not close the gate tightly and she got out and was hit by a car. I think of her every day and miss her so much even though it was eight years ago. I feel horrible guilt and sorrow when I think about what happened because I was rushing the kids out of the backyard and into the car so we could get to my son's soccer game on time, and I feel like that is why the gate did not get latched properly and we lost her. <br />
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She was such a sweet, loving companion to me, and she was so smart and funny. When I was going through my divorce I think she sensed the sadness I was feeling at times because it seems like she would always come around and find a way to distract me and comfort me. Sometimes I felt like we communicated telepathically with each other. I miss her so much.