Spanky Bean Pinkerton More than two years has passed, and despite what some say time does not heal all wounds. It may slightly numb the sting of a reality without you but the pain remains the same. There's the anger of how unfair it is, and the deep sadness of failing to keep you safe and the unwavering painful sorrow of the price everyone must pay when they are given such an amazing gift, I had you, a wonderful gift for 11 years and now I have the price of having known and loved you but now being forced to remain in a world where you are no longer. This world is darker without you. My life is less full without you. There remains a hole in my heart that bleeds for you. There is a new realization that there is no mercy in this life because if there was I would have bled out long ago. I am here left with a wound for which the only cure is you. I have memories and I try to keep each and every one of them but I know the minutes steal them away from me. When you first left I wondered which moment was the one where I failed you? Was it one simple moment or was it a combination of moments. Was there something I should have done differently? Was there anything I could have done differently? Which moment betrayed us? How long did we go on not knowing our time would be over? Was this outcome fate? Was the moment we met the moment that would ultimately lead us here? Please know I never meant to fail you. I will always love you. And I am so sorry please forgive my failure to keep you safe. There was nothing more I wanted than your safety and long life. I have pictures that have caputured you image but they do nothing to capture your soul and I fiercely hold on to the memory of you, and gladly take the heartache that brings. You followed me to the ends of the world and I know you would gladly be anywhere as long as I was at your side and this hurts the most because I am no longer at your side. I know you would never want to be anywhere I could not go. I worry that you are alone in some limbo and frantically searching for me. I remember going on vacation and returning to hear stories about how the whole time I was gone you refused all food, all walks and could not be coaxed with any treat or toy. You tunnel through the bedding and remained under ther covers at the foot of my bed until my return. There is nothing more utterly devastating than the thought of you being at the foot of a bed waiting for me now. I pray that no matter where you are that there is someone there loving you as much as I do. And that despite my absence you are happy. I know that you will never again come when I call and I am heartbroken without you. Rest in peace my faithful friend and know I will always love you.
Written on October 19th, 2009