Been some weeks or a week or a month (not sure) since I lost Assassino, my kitty. It's always hard to face the aftermath of losing something you loved and had there so suddenly. I'm not writing this to gain sympathy, no. I was just listening to "Wish you were here" so I started thinking of all the pets I've lost.

It's a common experience to me since I was always surrounded by cats and their litter *sigh*. Cannot afford fixing them all at once so there's always one that gets pregnant.

Assassino was an all black kitten. Mother was Cowy, which I hand fed from infant when people threw her in front of my house to die. Assassino was adventurous. She didn't like to be handled if she didn't choose to approach on her own. She had a particular liking towards males and my mom.

First she would always sleep with Teuki, a white tabby tiger kitty. But Teukki was unresponsive so she switched to another one, who also didn't like to be with her because she fancied to slap them when they moved around haha. In the end she ended up with Linguini her brother and it became the couple me and my sisters would squeel about. Linguini is all fat and submissive so it was cute that Assassino ended up with the push over who accepted all the pinching and slapping of the 'queen' with a passive cringe. The two of them would curl up with each other and sleep together almost always.

They also liked to explore when they had the chance to slip out of the back door and to the stairs. The two would go to the roof because the door is rusted and broken and from there Assassino (who I think saw Potsito or someone else) would jump down to the roof of the next house where there was a room elevation that they could make it on. And from the little room on to the floor of the roof and then to my grandmother's balcony that lives upstairs.

At first she was scared. She would go by the very edge, looking to the balcony and crying if she saw us getting out so I just got up the fence thing, grabbed her from the neck and took her back. She was so sweet after I rescued her. She was petting and rubbing on me which was unlike her. Assassino was the tough type of chick most of the time and because I teesed her sometimes (not painfully) she did not like me heh.

Anyway, she got around to gathering the guts to jumping the gap that led from their roof to our balcony. Then she just squeaked to open her the door and collect her purrings inside. Cute one.

One day I got a call from my mom. She was close by with her boyfriend and they had ordered so much food that they couldn't eat so here I was to the rescue. I left. I ate. I laughed and had a nice time and...as me my mom and her boyfriend were going back suddenly the guy points behind a dumbster and they say something.

When I saw it I instantly knew, but decided to ignore the pessimism.

In a cardboard box, with the top open, there was a cat of her size. Part of her face crushed until the bone of her upper fangs was protruding clear oi of her face and the canine toothe was white and bright. It couldn't be alive even in hell. The tongue was all out. It was a mess. And the worst thing was that I couldn't not shake the feeling that this was Assassino even though the face was unrecognisable.

I went home shocked after waiting politely for their goodbyes and started looking around. Assassino was nowhere. Not hidden somewhere asleep, not crying at the balcony or at the roof next door, not coming out for food, not sleeping with Linguini, not anywhere. I knew.

I went with my sister to check back on it and she said it wasn't the right size but it was. It so painfully was.

I kept looking for her around. Calling her and pausing still to see if I could hear the tiny squeek anywhere. I did that for hours. I waited, I listened, I searched, I checked the dead cat again and again.

Then, after a few hours, when the souvlaki place next to the dead cat closed, I want there to collect the dead cat and burry it. As I walked back home (just a road away), a trail of blood and rain poured behind me. The box had been sitting in a cavity in the pedestrian thing and the rain had collected. (funny thing it always rains when a cat I know dies).

I made it into the stairs from the back door and there I let the box down. There was blood running from the stairs and everything. So painfull but I did not want to cry. I went and found mom crying and I told her that I wanted to burry it so she could get distracted. Maybe not the best idea but she stopped.

I got a few bags and wrapped it up and brought it outside our front door so I could burry it. But the soil was so hard and...I ended up leaving it in the dumbster.

As I let her down on the trash I apologized and apologized but it was as pointless as if I had buried her. She was dead. It was a carcass. It was over.

Some days later I saw blood in a suspicious spot and knew it was her because it was right across the street from our home, the side of the balcony. I sat down and looked at it, trying to understand how did she get there and how did she die. I cannot help this. A car could not have gone up there, the place was elevated some inches, so...I wondered if someone smashed her head down or something.

I still don't know to this day what happened. Perhaps she jumped down from the balcony or fell as she tried to jump there. Perhaps it was a car or someone who killed her (they hate cats here - even poisoned them in the past). I will never know and...that's ok. She died now. But so suddenly and brutally. I hope I knew so I could feed her the best treat or not have left the house. Now Linguini sleeps alone.

I taught a long time ago Assassino to give me her little hand when I was eating meat so she could ask for treats this way. The cutest thing. She learned fast how to give it and how T switch right and left. Never did I take a video of it but she is the first kitty I had that could do that. She was smart and tough but had the tinniest voice to match it. She was funny in a way. I will not forget her. I will not stop loving her.
Theanonymuswimp Theanonymuswimp
18-21
2 Responses Mar 16, 2016

Yeah I know how you feel I lost my 7 month old puppy that I had since birth, actually seen him born, and what's sad is that we're pretty sure coyotes got him :(

It's sad when you never know what happened even if you're convinced you know what is was. It leaves you with the fear that it might be out and looking for it's people. When I lose something I actually cry for days but when I see my pet dead now I just cry once or two the most. Sounds cruel but it's actually a mechanism to move on. It's one bad thing of having pets but you learn to tough it out and appreciate something while you have it. I hope that coyote cried when it realized :P And I hope you many happy days with the next baby that will be yours.

Yes thank you, our new one is a Great Dane so we won't be having this problem, which is good

I'm so so sorry to hear this :( I love my cats so much and have so much anxiety over something like this happening, even though I have already lost two in the past. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I believe they are in a better place and someday we'll see them again.

Atheist heheh. But I do believe in a world beyond the one our eyes perceive. I only wish that when I die I can meet all the people and pets I lost even just once, even if it's just an illusion of my brain and then...disappear in the universe. Love your babies everyday with lots of treats and playing and be happy that they are with you that you love and fear for them and not with some ******** that neglect them or dump them on the streets. Best times for you and your friends.