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It Was a Stand Still In My Life

I was in college, my last year. I had been dating a girl for 8 months. Because of our carelessness she got pregnant. She was in her first year, headed for a masters. It was a quite moment when we received confirmation. We were not in love. We had deep feelings for each other but we both knew there where goals we desired to achieve.

We decided to keep the child,  we just couldn't see it as a choice. We had agreed to get married, after the birth. Our lives as we knew it had been turned up side down.

On her 4th month of pregnancy, just when we had already loved our child, we had heard its heart beat, and had ultrasound pictures of it, she was in a car accident. One that I was much to blame. We had been in a argument that day. Living together was starting to kick in. She raged out of the house it was raining that day. It wasn't her fault the other car didn't stop at the red.

We lost our baby. She didn't forgive me for that. I know I was much to blame. I could have considered her condition and shut my Fu*ken mouth. This was a big mistake.

She moved out shortly, nothing I could have prevented, ;like I said we were not in love. Other than the casual bumps into each other there was nothing else there.

I still have a picture of the baby. I regret that day. I know marring without love would have been a challenge, but a good woman she was. Very smart, kind, sweet.

I don't talk about this much. I guess men are not suppose to; but I do wonder how my life would have been. My baby would now be turning 13.

 

ntbadjstlst ntbadjstlst 31-35, M 20 Responses Dec 7, 2008

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It was no ones fault....do not feel GUILTY please, I will pray for you ...BLESS YOU

Thank you, reading this again, just now, at this moment brought back feelings, of loss. I still wish the baby would have made it, the price would have been small to nothing.

dont EVER think it was your fault or that you were in any way shape or form responsible. It was an ACCIDENT.

LL, everything does happen for a reason, we just have to allow it to show us the why.

wow. everything happens for a reason.............,

As in beautiful Mom? Great choice. I agree. You have an inner beauty that is reflected in your writing.

yes, means beautiful:)

Already did. Your name? Is it Italian?

lol no i don't mind at all:) please do.

You are very nice. I also wish you the best. If you don't mind I may snoop around your profile a little bit.=)

yes it will be, it's not something we are likely to ever forget, it's how we deal with it that makes the difference though, I don't think it's something we'll get over, we have to learn to live with the memory:) much lucl and love for your future sweetie:)

Thank you. Your story is very sad. I know like you said there is only so much we can do. I guess the memory will always be there.

oh sweetie, please don't blame yourself, it's not your fault, there is nothing you could have done to prevent that accident...I know the pain you have felt and the regrets you feel, like if I just changed one thing, just one thing then maybe things would be different, maybe the baby would be here, I believe that everything happens for a reason, for me it was to find out that I have a blood disorder when pregnant, for you it may be that you will be blessed to have children with someone you are truly in love with and not sacrifice yourself, to have a true family where everyone wants to be there and is loved. You will make a wonderful father oneday, I can say that because you were so willing to sacrifice yourself, your happiness to make sure that your baby had a family and was taken care of, i know that when you do have a child one day you will love it with all your heart and do whatever you have to to make them happy:) God bless you hun...I am here if you ever want to talk:)

It was not your fault. It was an accident. I know you feel guilty, but it's important for you to know that you are not at fault, and neither is your girlfriend. It was raining, and car accidents happen.<br />
You sound like you will be a wonderful father someday.<br />
*hugs*<br />
~Jennie

yes i have learned to move on, one of my greatest regrets was not being there for her. But like I said that was a long time ago.<br />
I do hope to some day be a father to a daughter like my Bella.

I am so sorry for your loss. Often times, God has other plans. God bless you and thanks for sharing your story.

You say it has been a long time ago, yet your words still sound of mourning; It is good to write it. It help it really does. I agree with brat, that was not your fault. Thing happen, sometimes and they are completely out of our control. Hang in there sweetie, and don't blame yourself for something you couldn't have prevented.<br />
A day at a time, just live a day at a time. :)

Thank you navygirl. It's mistakes we do when we are young.

It was a long time ago. I think about it now and then. I can imagen it must have been harder for her.<br />
Thank you.

I'm so sorry this happened. And it's completely fine for you to talk about it, in fact I'm glad you decided to share this. I want you to know that you should not blame yourself for this. I know that is easier said than done. I'm here for you...if you want to talk about it more.