I Still Cry Today SometimesI was five.
The details for this story are not important.
All that needs to be shared is that he went to bed a healthy 30 year old. In shape, ate right, worked out, ran, and was a smart, clean, liberally minded high school english teacher.
He never woke up.
That cliche, "I remember it like it was yesterday" is true.
I was changed.
My mom changed.
My brother wasn't even born yet.
We moved to live with my Grandparents who helped raise us.
My mom became very protective.
I was shy, quiet, didn't have many friends. Part of that was certainly due to the shock of loosing my father so suddenly. My whole world shattered and at five years old, I also lost who I was.
I wanted to try out for football in Jr High - I could throw the ball and hit two feet up the ba
But my mom said no.
I understood, but I hated her for it. I became more introverted, desperately wanting to escape myself.
My father never saw my first staring role in a play.
He never saw me graduate from High School.
Then my Grandfather died.
Now both never saw me Graduate from college...with honors.
Both never saw my kids.
I'm a very happy, humurous, positive person. I love and live life to the fullest I can.
Partly because I know it's fleeting.
So I breathe deep every day. I enjoy the moments I have... alive.
Everynight I think about death.
Ever morning I wake up and live.
My biggest fear is not dying, but leaving my kids forever.
But I live.
Today, I live.