Maybe 'lost' Isn't the Word...

but I have never known my father.  My whole life my mom had told me the same story about happened to my father.  She was a teenage mom ( I was born 3 months after her 18th bday) and she said that my dad was in a motorcycle accident and died.  I went with this story and cherished the one and only photo that she had of him...I had nothing else to go on.

When I got older, around 15...I began asking more and more questions and she finally told me the truth... My "dad" wasn't ready to be a father and that she tried several times to get in touch with him and sent my baby pictures to him and his parents only to have them returned...torn up.  The name she told me and the photo were true but that was all.  I've never searched for my dad...never googled his name...but my mom knows that he has at least 2 other daughters.

I wonder sometimes what they look like.  I look alot different from my mom.  I have my dad's brown eyes (my mom's are electric blue), I have my dad's skin color (my mom is pale; and I am always slightly tanned), I have a birthmark on my right arm that is from him also.  My curiousity hasn't outweighed the risk of finding out something or experiencing something that I really am better off without.

guardedgirl guardedgirl
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 3, 2009

It is normal to feel curious. My mom raised me and i went to visit my dad when i was 19. I was a bit dissapointed in him, my mom put him out and she never looked back.<br />
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I know it feels weird but you may be right, you may want to visit him oneday just to satisfy your curiosity and then maybe you will see you are probably better off without him. That is what my mom told me.<br />
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He should find you if he really wanted to right? Give it time and if you want to find out where he is and see if you can visit with him to see for yourself. <br />
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Hugs <br />

phatnhapi - again.. you bring tears to my eyes, but in very good way. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! ^_^

I'm glad you realize dear that you really are better off without him. I don't believe he is a man you want or need to know. If he was a man, he would find you and explain his actions. The fact that he has never done this means he is not worth knowing. No one has a perfect family life. There are periods of perfection throughout one's life but not everything is going to turn out the way we would like it to. Those less than agreeable parts are the ones we must learn from. The parts that work ok are the parts where we sit down, close our eyes, take a deep breath and be thankful that there are also things to be happy about in our lives. Thinking about the love we have is important too. We all need to recognize that we all have love in our lives. God loves us first. We have family members who love us, friends who love us, pets who love us. We are never truly without love. We need to always remember that. Friends can be just as much family as being blood related. I hope you have a close relationship with your mom. You know she loves you and was just trying to spare you from pain by not telling you the truth at first. Parents do that sometimes. She seems like a very good mother. You do not seem to have taken any of the fault of the situation upon yourself. That is great because nothing that happened is your fault. Try to find forgiveness in your heart for him. Then just leave it alone. Go on and have your happy life. Thanks for sharing your story :) xox