Realization: Graduating College With No Friends

*Note: First Story on this Website*

Where do I start? I'm from Massachusetts and attend college in New York. Actually let me rephrase that: I'm about to GRADUATE from a college in New York this Sunday. However, I have come to the sudden realization that I'll be graduating with zero true friends. My story is a little different from some of the others, as I never lost my friends due to one situation, but just slowly over time. Here's my story:

I have always had a group of friends back in Massachusetts and a big loving family. Many of those friends, however, decided to go to colleges in New England. My dream has always been to live and work in New York City, which is why I went to school there. In fact, I have set up everything so that I can fulfill this dream: I worked internships in NYC, performed very well in school, and I have even purchased a sublet in Brooklyn so that I can focus on finding a job.

I have remained in touch with many of my friends from back home and although some have fallen off the radar, there's still a solid connection between several of us. And that connection is mostly seen when I'm home and not at school. And none of them are moving out of Massachusetts, so they will be staying there.

My college career has actually been quite decent: I've gone out a lot, made several friends, made a few "close" friends, and have met a lot of acquaintances (the people you simply have short conversations with). There are some great memories that I'll truly cherish. But there have been dark areas in my college career that have severely impacted my relationships with friends and acquaintances. For one, many of my friends transferred to other schools far away. Another reason I lost friends is because some of them decided to focus on different things (my priorities were my studies while theirs was partying). Also, a few times I had involved myself in seemingly good relationships that, in the end, backfired because I spent so much time with each of them to only have it end. And then I had a few friends who I always considered close, but were the types who used me for advice or help, and, for the most part, never really asked me to hang out besides a handful of times (you know those nasty types). A couple of my friends are moving back home to the west coast.

And finally for the cherry on top: last month, I found out my one, true friend here in college, was sleeping with my ex. That alone, was a hard realization that I had to overcome by choosing not to be friends with this guy. He did other very shady stuff too, but that's another story. Bottom line was that I shouldn't be friends with him as much as I want to. The isolation I have been experiencing has made me want to connect with him, but I know it's wrong.

I'm confused. I'm an extrovert, and have always been a funny, outgoing, nice guy. I have even been told I'm very attractive (not sure how that fits in but thought I might mention it). But I slowly lost them. Why did this happen to me? How did I deserve it? Maybe I fell into the wrong crowds? Did I focus too much on myself? Or maybe I focused on others and not myself? I have no idea.

I'm lonely. I'm about to embark on a whole new life and I don't have any support from my current friends in New York. My friends from Massachusetts are situated there, so they're not of much help. My family doesn't support my decision—they want me to live at home. Graduation should be happy, but I feel the opposite. I feel like I'm starting a whole new life and for some people that's exciting because they get to craft and mould it to their satisfaction. But I have no idea where to start, as it's difficult with no one's support.
NeedAwakening NeedAwakening
22-25, M
2 Responses May 18, 2012

Hey i dont know if you will still see or read this, but this is how i currently feel. I am about to graduate this May and I felt like I just started losing them along the way. i had a lot of friends from the start, used to go out with a lot of them, hosted bday parties with a lot in attendance, and would always have a buddy to call. Now that I'm about to graduate, I feel like they just faded away. I came to realize a big reason as to why and its because I was to focused on my school work and wanting to be successful (pursing a phd in clinical psych after college). I was thinking my social life could wait as i focus on school, but i guess it was too much of a commitment that my friends just got tired of waiting.

I know almost 3 years have passed with you and I want to know how you are doing now with all of this time that has passed :)

Same here. I am graduating this May as well with my BA. First year, of course I had all the friends. We partied ( I don't drink or smoke) but I like to dance so we did that often. I left the fall of my senior year to study abroad in Spain, when I came back, I lost all of my friends.

One I was really closed with my our priorities changed over the course of 4 years. She like to drink and smoke now ( she was not always like this) and now everytime we decided to go somewhere shell cancel. I feel like we have nothing in common now but I am learning to accept it.
I am pursing my education career to go get my masters in Criminology. It just scares me that this is how it all ended. I didn't see this coming at all, I thought we would all finish together at once and travel the World but life is what you make it of it. Is just the choices that you make. I learned that people can be anything, have have the potential to be so much but they lose track of all that in college. You just have to learn to not let it affect you, I myself will be traveling to Europe alone and I am accepting that and looking forward to New opportunities.

Well try this, I have zero from the start to more than likely the end of school. At least you had some. Ya looks are important, I guess, lol. In our society... im not bad looking, people are already set in their ways.