Post

The Heartbreak Of Losing Both Parents

On the 16th September 2011, it was the 8 years anniversary of losing my beautiful Mum.  It's been so very, very hard each year since we lost her,  But this year it was even more so.  I lost my amazing Dad on 27th July 2011.  Mum had cancer in so many places, and she was in a load of pain.   So even though I never wanted to lose her, I can see that it was a blessing for her to pass.  But Dad, there was nothing wrong with Dad.  He'd had day surgery for a kidney stone on the Friday, by Wednesday morning my sister found him dead in the shower.    It was a massive heart attack, but Dad never complained over having any chest pains, or feeling ill, apart from the obvious pain from his surgery.       I never fully grieve over losing Mum, but now I've both parents to grieve over, I feel I'll never be "me" again.    Dad luckily for us always lived close by, but now he's passed we have to go near his home taking our daughter to school.   All the shops we go to, we've been there with Dad.  And now it's coming up to x-mas time, all the old shops I can't face going into.  Take this morning, we had to run for a couple of bits, from a large supermarket.  Which with it coming up to x-mas had loads of selection boxes, cards etc., all of which reminds me (as if I needed a reminder) that Dad's not going to be here this x-mas.  Or any other x-mases.    
I don't know where to start to try and move forward, and start to look forward.   I'm so scared of the pain I'm feeling, and there's even more pain, that I'm trying to block out.   If anyone has any suggestions, or even just to talk, I would be so grateful. 
heartbroken1973 heartbroken1973 36-40, F 3 Responses Sep 26, 2011

Your Response

Cancel

December of 2010 I got a call that my father had committed suicide. On October of 2011 my Mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. Both deaths were extremely different. My father was a strained relationship to begin with, but I always felt like I tried to put in the effort to keep our relationship in tact so he could know his grandson. My Mother on the other hand was a wonderful present person in my life. The typical 'amazing' mom. She was my ultimate defender, and protector. I had a solid 3 months to make everything I could of the time. To make every moment count like it was the last moment we had (because it was...). I've felt crushed for the better part of a year by my Dad's suicide, and now I have this gaping wound from my Moms death. It does get easier though. It gets harder, and then it gets easier. I'm taking medication to help with the day to day, and going to counseling. Both help immensely. I would like to recommend to you the book, The Orphaned Adult by Alexander Levy. It's been incredibly helpful with my recovery. Just know that with this comes other problems, like depression and anxiety, and a whole range of other feelings you didn't know you can feel, but there is help out there, and you are not alone. <br />
<br />
Nora

Thanks for your comments, I am planning to go to a grief counsellor next week. There is a long waiting list, but hopefully they will have some ideas on what I can do in the meantime. I'm so sorry to hear you lost your Mother and Father in law. But at least you've got your husband to share the happy memories with. I hope you get through the rough days, as well as possible. x

It is my first year without my mother in law and father in law and I feel the your pain. Though I haven't lost my parents and I'm sure an in law is very different from losing your parents. Be mindful that things will get better. Try and stay positive. You may want to see about some bereavement classes through local churches, maybe talk to a priest, see about a hospice organization near you, get professional help if you can. Get yourself mentally strong for the holidays.