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Does Anybody Understand?

I'm 13, my parents were killed in a car accident when I was 7, I lived with my aunty and uncle for a little while and then my big brother claimed custody of me. I love being with my brother and it makes me feel closer to my parents but I miss them so much and sometimes people don't get that a loving big brother isn't the same as a parent. And it's been hard not having my mum growing up, there are so many things that I want to talk to her about and never can. I am a happy, well typical teenager happy, girl but people sometimes forget that I'm also still really sad. My brother does his best he's 34 now...he used to be in the army so he can be pretty strict and his girlfriend is lovely to me but they're not my parents and never will be.
Sophiesmiles Sophiesmiles 13-15, F 65 Responses Jan 24, 2013

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hang in there so sorry for your troubles

I understand what ya mean

Stand strong solider

My heart and best wishes go out to you. Your brother is doing his best I'm sure. He is an amazing person for stepping into that role. Those are HUGE shoes to fit. Try to be understanding in that he is doing he best he can.

No but they are family. Have you tried talking to him?

I do understand. I never really had my parents. If u ever want to talk i am here

Life is full of horrible moments. The only thing I can say to you is concentrate on your feature don't let the past affect ur feature. Make ur parents proud where ever they are.

You said you want to talk things to your Mom. Try to talk them with his wife. Ask your brother if you can trust her

Hey. You're good. Remember that okay? You're good.

Well I think you can find a close friends to talk to. I understand how is the feeling different and how hard it is. But just cry it out if you couldn't hold back and be yourself. Cz I have the same incident as you but it's much more complicated and I chose to hide myself behind a mask. That's y my life screwed and I seek help of counselor before I know I will go into depression ...

I hope things are going good your you.you seem like a realy strong girl

Thank you, I'm doing ok :)

I understand, there's not the same closeness and feeling of security as if he was a parent. Since he's so much older he must seem more like a distant uncle to you, it's not like you grew up together.

about to lose my mom. she's the last one. been through this 3 times [step mom and dad] don't make it easier. peace

i'm sorry for ur loss

Oh, made me well up.

I don't think anyone will fully understand unless they've experienced it. People can understand, just not fully.

My mom died when I was young, it's a feeling not many people get. It's like an emptiness that you know will never be able to be filled and it sucks. Life is harsh.

I have a brother that is 10 years older than me that my mom has said she considers a '3rd parent' to me and I have a hard time seeing that...he's my brother and that's all...

I totally understand how you feel. Its not fair that you have to go through this. Its okay to feel the way you do.I am personally glad that you have loving family there for you and don't have to be totally alone. Talk to your brother about your feelings. I'm sure he will understand, He may feel the same way you do.

That is absolutely wonderful.. I bet you are 100% greatful for them.. :)

I lost both of my parents before I was 9, a year and a month apart. ( am adopted and am now 25). My big sister sort of became very protective and motherly to me after it happened, although she is only 3 years older than me, I think...anyway, the pain never goes away. It just gets easier to deal with, and anyone that says it will go away in time, must not know the feeling. I am here if you need to talk to someone that does truly understand.

Thanks x

You are most welcome. My sister died in a car accident in 2003 (she was my half sister from my mother's side and a different one than mentioned above.) My adopted parents would not let me go to her funeral, but I was able to talk to my niece. Recently she lost her father as well. I DID attend that funeral with the sister mentioned in the above reply and her daughters. My Daddy is buried in the same cemetery with my grandmother, sister, and my nieces' and nephew's father. It killed me seeing those graves. Even after all this time. The same day I visited my Mama's grave as well (in a different cemetery). I cried tears for them both. The sad thing is that I hardly remember them and have no pictures of either of them. I hope you have good memories and some pictures to bring those good memories back to you.

i still have my father but he drove that day i lost my mother in the car accident so without wanting to I am thinking it is his fault...I'm not letting him into my life....I'm not letting anybody into my life that creates a slight possibility of pain and thats pretty much everybody! So I don't have anyone to hug...When I had a tough day in school and I'm just tired and stressed out...the arms of my mother were a place of shelter and happiness but with loosing my mum I lost that place! I lost the feeling she gave me with the unconditionall love of a mother! I can understand you so good

Hey, I can relate exactly to what you're going through. I was 16 when my mom had a cardiac arrest. It even hurts to type it..but now she's in a nursing home and she cant move or talk. I get confused sometimes because Im grateful she's alive but she's not lively. She cant hug me even though I wrap my arms around her. Man, Mom's hugs always do the trick. Im sorry that you lost your special place-because in that place, I thought I knew more about myself than I do now.. :)

I've been there. I lost my dad a few years ago. If you ever want to talk, msg me. I know it's hard. Stay strong. :)

Thanks x

I believe no one will stay in this world forever, I also lost my both parents, but we can't do much in this case. Feel that you are lucky that you have loving brother and his GF as well. Always see positive side so you will feel happy. God Bless you.

I lost mom when I was your age in the same way. I think your ability to even address your vulnerabilities is a good sign that you'll be alright. I sure couldn't at that age or even talk about the loss until my late teens maybe. My dad shut down after she died and since she was the breadwinner he had to take up a job which he did, working nights at a casino so I hardly saw him. He's an a##hole and I'm guessing was before my mom died which is why she worked several states away and only came home 2 weekends a month. It really doesn't make sense how little control we have.
If you're not already, I'd say throw yourself into some type of art, whatever you're passionate about. Not only can it be cathartic, but it'll make you strong since there's always going to be shallow manipulators who will try to take advantage of your vulnerabilities if you are not introspective enough to see them first. Especially religious people, ewwwe, but even the hipster/agnostic types are as uptight in their own way.
Like Judy Garland said, "It's better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rate version of someone else." Keep good friends who will listen and not b.s. you either. Maybe find a gay boy in your school who needs a friend to confide in. If I'd have come out at that age, even just to myself, I would've appreciated a good friend like you. Take care and much love to ya:)

p.s. if you ever need a laugh, look up George Carlin if you haven't already.

Thanks, I do a lot of art and I find writing helps. I don't have anyone at school that I can talk to about it but I've found some people on here can be really nice. You are right about one thing I'm sick of being told it was fate or god had a reason and he will guide me through...no he won't I don't believe!

Hey Sophiesmiles, honestly although Im older than you I still feel stuck at 16 when everything happened. I do believe in God-but its not easy, because sometimes I wonder how can a man so nice let me feel so bad- still thinking that question over..but I must say you have to find something to believe in with ALL your heart even if its yourself..but one thing you have to do is believe and know whatever reason all this happened you survived..maybe you should figure out what there is for you to do while you're here...I know you'll be GREAT!!!

Nobody can understand that situation, until one feels it. Yeah its hard not to have parents around you, nothing can replace them... but atleast your brother is trying to fill the gap. He won't be able to give it all, as he will have his family but I guess thats the way of life... #stayHappy

sorry to hear that!!!!!!!!

Your circumstances are unique to you, nobody can truly understand, but you should take comfort from a loving brother who has taken you under his wing, and his supportive girlfriend. Be blessed by the support you have, it can't be easy for your brother. I hope and pray that your life will blossom in the future. Take it one day at a time and stay positive.

I'm sorry, nothing can take the place of your mom and dad. But remember you carry them inside yourself, if your not sure about something ask yourself what would mom think. I believe you will know the answer. Good luck and remember the love your parents had for you can never die.

I know what you going thru I'll need write mine out and post it and all the miss take's I'v made and I'm 52 as of yesterday and I have been living with my sister for 5 years

Norman

It is hard being a teenager. To have lost your parents when you were seven had to be a really hard blow. I hope you are seeing a counsellor. It has to be hard talking to your brothers girlfriend about stuff most girls would talk to their Mom about. I hope you have really good friends too. Take care Sophie. Will pray for you:)