Parents And Best Friends All At Once

I am grateful for this place to tell my story, I have felt so alone the last couple of years and just need to share this anyone who might relate. I am a 48 yr old man, I had always know since I was a child that when the time came I would be the one to take care of my mother and father, keeping them in their home until the very end. I have three siblings but I knew it would be me - I can't explain it - my family has always been closer to each other than any other family I have known - I just knew it would be me. My parents came to be two of my very best friends in my adult life, we shared everything with each other. I was their personal caregiver until the last minute - it was my very highest honor.

So in early '09 I went home to live with them, my mom had early Alzheimers and my dad had emphysema, it didn't seem like either of theirs health was that bad at the time. I got to spend about one year with them before they passed, my mother went first - her alzheimers seem to come out of nowhere and in a matter of months had taken her out. I used to take her to her gym three days a week, help go through her little routine - we were going to the gym in Sept. and she left us before christmas. As I knew she was getting close, that she was getting weaker everyday, I called my siblings to come home and told mom "you hold on they are coming, please wait". The day my brother got in from Colorado, we were all together, I made the family meal, we opened a bottle of champagne, we all went into moms room and toasted her as she slept in her bed. We went in to the dining room and ate our traditional meal of so many years, and as we ate she slipped away - as if knowing we had all gotten to say our good-byes.

My mother and father would have been married 55 years in June of '10, I am proud to be their son. My father had been diagnosed with Leukemia in the last year of his life, that coupled with emphysema was horrible - hard to breath and low red cell count - he could never catch his breath. His diagnosis with the Leukemia put him into a panic, he was supposed to outlive her - so he could take care of her - he was so pissed off. He did out live her, just a few months, he had been getting one different chemo drug after another through the months leading up to her death, and the drugs would work for a short time and then fail. A month after she died he told me he didn't want to go to the doctor anymore, two months later he died in his living room with all of us at his side.

So, my father passed in April and three months later I am out for a ride with my best friend of twenty years - beautiful sunny day we're out on our motorcycles. Ten minutes into our ride my friend pulls off to the side of the road - I circle around to see whats up - some problem with his bike? I come up behind him just as he collapse and his bike falls on him!!?? He'd had a heart attack and died on the spot.

So two years gone by, I am pretty F***d up, I am as alone as I have ever been, I have friends and family still but I don't have any real connection to anyone - no one who really knows me - or that I really know - no friend. I don't know what to do and I am sad and alone, I moved into the mountains in NorCal and live alone in this really beautiful place - but being alone is getting to me.

wontkwit wontkwit
3 Responses Jan 26, 2013

So sorry for your loss. I hate that term, is over used. I lost my older brother and my beloved mother. Now I'm left with my father who already has a burial plot for me and keeps going on about life insurance. He effectively turned me into a nihilist which fueled the disaster of a life I've chosen. Also a crazy sister who manipulates and LOVES drama. Her two year old runs around cursing and yelling into her play phone like mommy. So I do feel for you, really. If I meet God the first thing I will say is,"Will you please explain why do did this? Created this nest of death and pain."

My story is very similar to yours. I had my dad with me for four years at the end of his life as he lived with dementia. My mother was at a distance and I helped my sister care for her from afar. She had COPD and eventually her lungs couldn't keep up. She got sick suddenly and, thankfully I was able to make it to her side before she left. My dad was four months after that. I hear your grief, I know how deep it is.

Your story is so remarkable and I can feel for you......... I feel much the same way.......had my parents a long time....they lived into their 90's. Yes it is therapetic to share with others who have faced many similiar circumstances. It lets you know that you are not alone in your saddness. My beloved passed away so suddenly one morning two days after we flew to our home state to congratulate our daughter personally for becoming the Dean of Education at a University. First we went to the country and then went to her house for the night. He was up, showered and dressed and ready to go to breakfast at Bob Evans. I came downstairs apolizing for being slow.........continued talking to him while he was sitting on the couch facing the windows looking outside....... I walked around to give him a good morning hug and kiss................too late..........too late............ The pain is still so unbearable.......tears come suddenly like a rogue wave.................

The NC mountains are beautiful and have made many trips to get away to the Cashiers area..........son comes with me and goes fly fishing...........

Thanks for sharing............