Parents And Best Friends All At OnceI am grateful for this place to tell my story, I have felt so alone the last couple of years and just need to share this anyone who might relate. I am a 48 yr old man, I had always know since I was a child that when the time came I would be the one to take care of my mother and father, keeping them in their home until the very end. I have three siblings but I knew it would be me - I can't explain it - my family has always been closer to each other than any other family I have known - I just knew it would be me. My parents came to be two of my very best friends in my adult life, we shared everything with each other. I was their personal caregiver until the last minute - it was my very highest honor.
So in early '09 I went home to live with them, my mom had early Alzheimers and my dad had emphysema, it didn't seem like either of theirs health was that bad at the time. I got to spend about one year with them before they passed, my mother went first - her alzheimers seem to come out of nowhere and in a matter of months had taken her out. I used to take her to her gym three days a week, help go through her little routine - we were going to the gym in Sept. and she left us before christmas. As I knew she was getting close, that she was getting weaker everyday, I called my siblings to come home and told mom "you hold on they are coming, please wait". The day my brother got in from Colorado, we were all together, I made the family meal, we opened a bottle of champagne, we all went into moms room and toasted her as she slept in her bed. We went in to the dining room and ate our traditional meal of so many years, and as we ate she slipped away - as if knowing we had all gotten to say our good-byes.
My mother and father would have been married 55 years in June of '10, I am proud to be their son. My father had been diagnosed with Leukemia in the last year of his life, that coupled with emphysema was horrible - hard to breath and low red cell count - he could never catch his breath. His diagnosis with the Leukemia put him into a panic, he was supposed to outlive her - so he could take care of her - he was so pissed off. He did out live her, just a few months, he had been getting one different chemo drug after another through the months leading up to her death, and the drugs would work for a short time and then fail. A month after she died he told me he didn't want to go to the doctor anymore, two months later he died in his living room with all of us at his side.
So, my father passed in April and three months later I am out for a ride with my best friend of twenty years - beautiful sunny day we're out on our motorcycles. Ten minutes into our ride my friend pulls off to the side of the road - I circle around to see whats up - some problem with his bike? I come up behind him just as he collapse and his bike falls on him!!?? He'd had a heart attack and died on the spot.
So two years gone by, I am pretty F***d up, I am as alone as I have ever been, I have friends and family still but I don't have any real connection to anyone - no one who really knows me - or that I really know - no friend. I don't know what to do and I am sad and alone, I moved into the mountains in NorCal and live alone in this really beautiful place - but being alone is getting to me.