Its already been 5 years and I can remember it like it was yesterday. The smell, the touch, the voices, the people, my exact movements, and how everything happened. This time of year is hard for me and the only way I can express it is in words. October 7th, 2004 was the year my life took a dramatic change. My mother and father I no longer have...since then I have grown. This time of year I can remember the whole story. Starting with the fire alarm going off and me jumping out of bed thinking something was burning on the stove...then looking out my door and seeing the fire fly through the kitchen door destroying everything in its path. I started screaming and then went into my parents bedroom to wake them up my sister heard me and followed me out the door...my parents well my dad made it out 10 minutes later with 3rd degree burns and smoke in halation while my mother was still stuck inside. I sat there and waited half an hour for the fire department to show up they were only 10 feet away. I sat there screaming yelling for my mother but no response I stood there waiting impatiently. Nothing everyone was running around moving there cars. While I sat there yelling and screaming for my mother. The fire swept through the building in 5 minutes. The fire department showed up and I ran to them letting them no my mother the women who created me was stuck inside. The fire was so strong there was no way that they could get inside. I felt hopeless. My dad came over and hugged me and I fell to the ground and told him to get away! I didnt mean it but I was scared and felt useless and alone. To this day it still eats me up that I said that to him...I nevetr meant it I truely never meant it I was daddys little girl I loved him. My friends parents took me down to their house I didnt know what I wanted to do I felt confused the first thing I could think of was to call my grandparents...I called them and then sat there on the couch...thinking to myself what the hell is going on is this a dream...after what seemed like hours my dad was rushed to the hospital. The ambulance took us there we waited forever to see my father. When we saw him he laid there on the bed twitching and shaking and crying from the medicine they gave him! I think that he knew everything was going on. That was the first night...my father passed away 3 weeks later..there is so much to this story but I would rather not write a novel. Everything keeps eating away at me I smile cuz it makes me feel good but really on the inside everything eats away at me the guilt the pain the suffering the loss. Sometimes I get so confused I dont know what to do about it...I can say though it has me me a stronger person today. I can overcome just about anything...life throw me more stuff and I will just cover it like a blanket like it was something small. I still have emotions and I still make stupid decisions but would you be a human if you didnt to learn from your mistakes...I just had to get everything off my mind because its like there is a amarathon going on inside my head. I have so much more to say but it wont come out...I am a confused little girl battling my emotions.
Written on November 13th, 2009