Not All People...

I have lost faith in most people. I do have a few people in my life that are genuine, and I feel very blessed to know them. But in general population, I find that too many people are disappointments. People who use the words "friend" and "love" loosely. People who cannot be counted on. People who betray others for their own personal gain. I am, and have always been a genuine person. It is disheartening. I never tell someone that I love them if I don't feel it. To do so is deceitful, hurtful and just plain wrong. I have had someone tell me they love me, only to turn around and hurt me so deeply that I wanted to die. I have also had people in my life that called me friend, yet weren't a friend in return. I just don't understand how or why humans can be this way. I have a tough exterior to protect myself from such, but I am very (probably overly) sensative under that shell. When I let someone in, it is by choice. When that someone abuses my inner being, they are cast out and not allowed back in. I have to say, that the casting out is painful because I let so few in. I lose peices of myself every time.

UPDATE: I am overwhelmed by the response this story has received. Since writing this, I decided that for my own mental and emotional health, I had to let go of my hopes and dreams that I had shared with the man this was written about. I let go. It was hard, and I cried for days, but I let go. I also had a long conversation with the woman he chose to betray me with. No hate, no animosity. Just two hurt women healing.

To all of the broken hearted, angry and sad; don't you ever give up! Every single person is on this planet for a reason. Maybe you don't know what your purpose is. That's okay. You aren't supposed to know. :-)
amberreflections amberreflections
41-45, F
85 Responses Feb 14, 2012

That last paragraph.

What i was thinking when i started reading this is that, you can only do what you do yourself. Other people, that is for them.

There are soo many nice people in this world, sometimes it can seem like there's not but this thinking is only because of what we experienced and how we felt no one was for us. That brings me on to caring. Someone cares about every one! Let's look at the Ebola crisis. Why do people try to help from so far away? Why do people give? It's because they care. There is someone that will care always!

You might think what i just wrote is always with me. Well it isn't. We forget. Don't give up on people because it is people that make this world.

For the most part I have found that people suck. If you allow them into your life they stab you in the back. They pretend to be your friend yet seek to destroy you if gain is possible. They are greedy, lying, dishonorable bastards and ******* and it is truly difficult to find a reason to like most of them. I prefer animals because you know where you stand. Even rattlesnakes are safer than humans because you know without doubt the bastard is gonna bite you the first chance it gets. Even family members will **** you the first chance they have of reaping benefit and those who say I love you (like a brother or sister) are usually the worst of all because you tend to think you can trust them but ... that is so untrue. They will think nothing of stabbing you at the drop of a hat.

Jesus says I have to forgive. He commands me to love my neighbor as myself. That's easy because I have never loved myself; forgiving is the tough part. The good thing is He doesn't command me to forget, that would be impossible. To error is human, forgiveness divine; neither is Marine Corps policy.

This is difficult for most people to admit to themselves - there is an inherent evil in humans. Once you honestly realize this, life improves all round. History is loaded with incidents and examples of the destructive nature of the human animal. The idea that there is "a plan" and that evthing happens for a (good?) reason is fecal in its reasoning. People are also capable of actions that are sublime. Yeats: "Beauty is the beginning of terror." He refers to the polarity - the rose and the hangman's noose coexist, always side by side. Eating animals is not helpful. Humans who choose to do so would be better served to eat each other and allow allow all sentient beings to enjoy the earth as god would have intended if he had chosen to have his head up his arse. As Gore Vidal pointed out "The gods can't bear the happiness of humans."<br />
I hope this helps.

Somebody once told me "never trust anyone 100%" very wise words

Yes, wise words. Another wise statement: never draw a circle around an unfaithful man and lable it "mine."

I got so hurt by people that called themselves friends and used the word love like it was nothing that I can't even say I even have one friend...and its not like I'm not friendly or easy to get along with and trust but I much rather stay alone than have fake friends with half trust where only few of the cards are laid on the table. Too exuasting and fake....

There are words in the spoken language that should never be said or used lightly. Unfortunatly, many people do. I have friends, I have acquaintances and I have those that I love dearly. The latter is a small handful. Those are the ones that really matter.

Useful stories<br />
<br />

Very heart wrenching. Walk a mile in anothers footsteps before assuming they are simply whining.

Let me tell you, life itself is a rough sea. Psychologically, the moment we step into this society, we have to be well prepared. The world is full of uncertainty. Don't expect everyone to be the same. When there is a success, definitely there would be a failure to a certain extent. If you are born lucky, everything works well to your favour. Don't lament over spilt-milk. Whether it is friends, love or relatives, just look forward for the better, but, don't be disappointed on any failure. Treat every failure as a lesson and learn from there.<br />
Be happy.

Some of us weren't properly prepared for society by our parents, so it is all a learning experience. Born lucky...not this chick. :-) Thank you, I am happy. You be happy as well!

I feel you even though I agree with whitefox67, cause I am in a similar position as youself I guess but aspire to his words and hope ill make it sane and happy...

This reminds me about what a priest had said to our community during a sermon: Man changes his mind all the time because he is man.Seek somebody that never changes his mind: God. When God said "I love you" that word stays true forever, for better or worse.


Hi, yes i guess you can not always see what some people are really like. I have had "friends" & family that made me think they love me as i did them for years, the mask does come off eventually and u find out it was an act of self gratification. it hurts when people play games with other people's feelings, and they dont care what damage they cause. The only positive thing about it is that you learn to be more carefull and tend to spot those fakes easier. The experience could also help you to help friends, in situations like these, who dont have a clue that they are being taken for a ride.

:-) Yep! I also learned who my true friends are. People who have been very supportive and are helping me to heal.

So many people losing faith in each other... Where's the love, compassion, and forgiveness? What goes around, comes around! It's easy to love those that love you back, but a genuine and perfect love is being able to forgive and love those that hate and persecute you. Talking about being a friend? No greater love is there than that of a man that will lay down his life for his friend.<br />
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I cherish my friends, they are a big part of my life and they have always been there for me in my time of need and I would take a bullit for any one of them. I'm the type of person however, I would take a bullit for a complete stranger just because of my love for people in general. I'm not afraid of dying, because I know when this life is over is when life really begins.

Speaking for myself here, but I am sure that the sentiment is felt by thousands of others: I am a compassionate, loving, trusting, giving human being. However, I would not die for a complete stranger.

That being said, I smile and say hello to each and every person who crosses my path on a daily basis. From the well dressed business person to the crack addicted person seeking shelter in a doorway. Every one of them gets a smile and a hello. It lets them know that there is at least one human out there that cares enough to acknowledge them.

It's hard in these times to find a true friend. When you do It's almost like finding buried treasure.<br />
They are gold. I myself have a few friends but not a really true friend. I guess I haven't searched<br />
in the right places. But I'll keep digging.

A true friend will tell you the truth without fear. They will also listen to the truth without anger. Case in point: my best friend. I am the only friend that she has that will listen to what she has to say without getting angry, sad, etc. She has told me this. I take what she says with an open mind because I know that the only intention she has is to be honest and show her love for me as her friend. That's what a true friend is. Wishing you the ability to have such a friend! :-)

yes, being able to listen is a great quality. People who are not genuine, dont have the ability to listen because their primary focus is on themselves and what they can gain.

So true...!


:-l No need to shout. Thanks for reading.

I´m sorry. I had no intentions of shouting. I´m only not very aware of the posting protocole. Would have liked to receive the benefit of the doubt, but that´s ok. No problem.

Sorry, didn't mean to offend. I guess all caps kind of freaks me out still. That's the only way he texts... all caps. As I told another person who assumed I had put the man that this was originally written about on a pedestal... no. It was about someone that made promises. Someone that is so deceptive that his "sincerity" seemed real. Someone who planted the seeds of an actual future together, and then pissed on the flowers and killed them. That's what this story was about.

Lol(; she might havd just forgotten the CAP LOCK on so it looked like shouting...? Lol(:

1 More Response

I have been hurt by people so many times I can not count. Rarely do I get an I'm sorry. My uncle who was dying of cancer was one who asked my forgiveness. It was so real and sincere it was easy to totally forgive. I let him know that and asked him to turn to God with his eternity. Even God needs a repentance to reconcile. Don't feel bad for needing that accountability. It would be a great world if we stopped hurting each other. But we won't. Know that God Loves You.

In my experience, deathbed confessions are about the only ones that are truely sincere. People who are dying usually want to do so with a clear conscience. Utopia in our lifetime... would be grand! Blessed be!

You are not alone! It's very difficult to find a "TRUE" friend. They are mostly "Fair-weather" friends. When the chips are down, they are not available. Also true of family members. It hurts deeply, because you do feel betrayed by the people yuo love and thought loved you back. Even though you have been there for them through good and bad. If there's is nothing for them to gain, then they will not be there for you. Good post--thanks.

It is very difficult today to find a TRUE friend. They are mostly "Fair-weather" friends and when the chips are down, they disappear. It hurts mostly because you have always been there for them through good and bad times. But if they cannot get anything out of the relationship with you, then they are not available for you. It's sad and it hurts. The same thing with family. Thanks for your post. You are not alone.

:-) Thank you for taking the time to read it. I am slowly feeling more at ease with myself after writing this. I'm guessing that this is what I needed to begin healing. Hopefully, this helped someone, somewhere.

"People come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime....when you know which, you know what to do."<br />
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These wise words I have come to know are true and relevant - however the quotation they stem from does not deal with people who will act in a deceiving way - or, maybe it does? In that case it is up to you, yourself to learn those painful lessons and move on and still continue in having a positive outlook on all the new travel companions you meet on your travel on this specific aspect of your existance' journey we tend to call "Life".

I'm guessing that the deceitful ones are the reasons. I could be wrong. :-)

It is disappoiniting to realise that poeple now use the words friend and love very loosely. These words have became the new black as it is used with no thought and concideration of the other. i have tried my best to be good and honest to others as i would like them to do the same, unfortunately very few 'give and take' most just take take take take. We are all human what you wish for yourself there are trillions who wish the very same thing. <br />
Let us not be selfish and think of the other that breaths the same air as you.

It is rare. Out of the let's say 200 people that I work with, I have found one (yes, only one) who is genuine.

i know exactly how you feel. i have grown a tough exterior over the years too and now people see me as someone who is really mean and bitter. im not mean at all. im actually a really kind and affectionate person, i've just been scorned so many times by humans and their lying and disappointing ways. just dont give up- things will get better, eventually

That's why we are here. To encorage each other to be better human beings. You can lead a horse to water.... and there in lies the end of your resolponsibility. It is up to them to drink or not. Can't make 'em. :-)

yeah hey we can only do so much for someone most of the work is for them to do .

Exactly. :-)

Trust is hard to build and easy to break.

Trust is something that is really hard to build and that can be easily broken, just like a castle of cards.

Very, very true.

You are not alone. People can be very hateful, and there are a few "genuine" friends. We have to be a friend to have one. I am not saying you are not. I have suffered heart break too and I blame myself. I once read a book that Jimmy Carter wrote, and remember from it, that he never told anyone he loved them, until he met the right one, Rosalind. I know the word is used loosely and that "talk is cheap". But it takes so little and costs nothing to encourage one another, and who doesn't need encouragement nowadays... I have found unconditional love in my pets.

My cat is my little saving grace (although she can be a pain in the @ss...I think she gets jealous of the electronics).

I trusted and got screwed also. I learned. I have maybe 3 friends. Maybe.

I have three. A few that are boarderline to being allowed. Time will tell.

Two years ago I began to test my friendships for their truth. I must say it was a painful experience because so many where not true, so one by one I stopped friendships with those who could not be real friends. This began a work inside me somehow it caused me to become a more compassionate person to people in general. Some of the hardness of heart that used to be there had gone away. I feel as if it has made me a better person. So now I make friends more carefully and slowly I also make no bones about phony people and how I will just cut them off. I don't hesitate to explain my friendship is a gift I choose to give. Some can handle that others can't and that is not my problem. I do like the fact that I can relate and talk to people from all walks and levels off life. I do find that those who have money are less tolerant of other people and that they mistakenly believe that they can't learn from me because I have less than them. The loss is there's because there are interesting people everywhere. I choose to work through my issue and develop me so that I can be a friend that others would be glad they had me in there life.

Exactly! You won't always be able to tell right away if someone is being genuine or not, but their true colors always come through. The people who are in my life are happy to be there. I know because they show me and tell me. I am equally happy to be in their lives. We enrich one another with thoughts, feelings, love and friendship that seems to be on a higher plane.

My soapbox moment: God. Really? What exactly does God have to do with interpersonal relationships? What exactly does God have to do with free will? People please... God didn't have **** to do with the lies that spewed from my ex's mouth. God didn't have **** to do with my ex having a physical and emotional relationship with another woman. My ex is a Roman Catholic who thinks all he has to do is "confess" and he will be free to continue to do the same thing over and over again without making any changes in himself. I forgave the ******* twice. Three strikes, your out. Period.

GOD knows why we are here.We are all part of His plan!!! BY GRACE - THROUGH FAITH......

So very true and right to the point. I feel the same way as you. Ive had my share of loves gut wrenching pains in my life, but i do have one different theory about it. Walls are good for self protection, but they have to be flexible. Look at it this way. What is true love?? It is a sharing of the non physical "hearts", thats inside of our souls. Too many of us put up a shield to protect this heart, from the experience and pain of being hurt. With a closed heart, you can ward off pain of the heart from others. But the downside of that, is you wont be able to tell, see, hear or feel real love that another heart is trying to give you, which also robs you of the peace of sharing and giving peace and comfort back from your heart. Remember, its not your mind that communicates love....Its your hearts. If one phone line is unplugged, the hearts cant communicate. I had to make a decision years ago. Do I go thru the rest of my life, with a closed heart and miss out on the chance of experiencing real and true love, w/o a broken heart, or do I leave my heart open and easy to get it hurt from others. To me it was an easy choice. The chance of sharing true and everlasting love with someone one day with an open heart outweighs the loss of a chance of never having it. So I accept that my heart may get broken several more times, before the right love comes along. That love may never come, but at least i give myself hope that it will............mississippi joe

So very true and right to the point. I feel the same way as you. Ive had my share of loves gut wrenching pains in my life, but i do have one different theory about it. Walls are good for self protection, but they have to be flexible. Look at it this way. What is true love?? It is a sharing of the non physical "hearts", thats inside of our souls. Too many of us put up a shield to protect this heart, from the experience and pain of being hurt. With a closed heart, you can ward off pain of the heart from others. But the downside of that, is you wont be able to tell, see, hear or feel real love that another heart is trying to give you, which also robs you of the peace of sharing and giving peace and comfort back from your heart. Remember, its not your mind that communicates love....Its your hearts. If one phone line is unplugged, the hearts cant communicate. I had to make a decision years ago. Do I go thru the rest of my life, with a closed heart and miss out on the chance of experiencing real and true love, w/o a broken heart, or do I leave my heart open and easy to get it hurt from others. To me it was an easy choice. The chance of sharing true and everlasting love with someone one day with an open heart outweighs the loss of a chance of never having it. So I accept that my heart may get broken several more times, before the right love comes along. That love may never come, but at least i give myself hope that it will............mississippi joe

My walls aren't necessarily there to keep others out. They are there to see who cares enough to get in. :-) Someday, someone is going to tear them down completely.

Never give up. God is alway there , god may be a few days late but always on time.... Just believe... Mwhaa

Um... okay.

Your story has given me a bit more hope that I can keep striving even after my last HUGE disappointment in the man that I loved so much. It is hard because it seemed that so many things about US were not genuine and although I was always an honest open person he kept many things from me and caused me lots of pain.....I was his wife and yet he did not share everything with me. I did not understand but I am healing. I am glad you are better now. I wish you the best. It sounds like you are a very strong person who will make it and be happy. Take care.

Unfortunately, some people do not possess the ability to be honest with anyone, including themselves. My ex is one of those people, and it sounds like yours may be too. Thank you. And I wish you peace, love and harmony from here on out. :-)

Having friends is very important for your well being.<br />
They're there to share your life's experience with, and you do the same for them.<br />
You can provide each other with good usefull feedback that can help make right decisions.<br />
Fortunately for me, I have a couple of good friends that help me cope with the crap that I experience from day to day with my so called closest friend, my wife!<br />
It reminds me of Adam in the garden of Eden when GOD said, it is not good for the man to be alone, I will find a suitable helper for him! A suitable helper! Not a pain in the butt!<br />
I wish I could go somewhere else with my sons and my good friends, and leave all the B S behind!

You do have a choice. It's up to you to take the action. Can it be fixed? Is it worth bring fixed?

everything you said is so powerful to me and rings every bell of my soul. ive had family hurt me and betray me and act like fools, as if i did the wrong lol... people are so selfish and self centered and always have an exterior motive like, their saying whats in it for me or what can she do for me, ive had that happen and once their done with you they just erase you like you were just a cartoon characto rsad but true thats the way i feel, i often wonder what my parents think about how my so called family and others have treated me probably sad cause they arnt here any more to help me. but i do feel they they do help me in some way.

I can safely say that my father is probably rolling over in his grave at what has transpired with relatives. My mother? Probably reading another sappy romance novel and plotting how she can haunt me. I am grateful for the true friends that I do have for many reasons, but mostly just because they are genuine.

I have 2 true friends....and how we do it is never, repeat never get money involved in a relationship. Once money is borrowed, taken, it messes up the relationship no matter how great it was. Money is the root of all evil. When ever we go out, we always pay are own way, including restaurants too. We never expect gifts on our birthday and enjoy each others company. On the other hand I had another good friend, until she asked to borrow money. She promised to pay me back the following month, but didn't say which year. Anyway, years later I brought it up and she started to pay me a little at a time. The plan was she was going to pay me back all at once like I gave her. So don't let money get into your relationship with a good friend.

My best friends and I never allow money into the picture. My oldest (42 years) friend awn I do exchange gifts for Christmas and birthdays. That works for us because we know each other so well, and neither of us is high mainetnance. Simple gifts of fabric, ornaments and the like are our norm. :-)

*Money is the root of all evil.*

Its the "love of it", which is the true root of evil....................

1 Timothy 6:10

Most of my younger years I spent trying to help people - many and acontinually, even engaging in politics in minor ways. Politicians whatever their color are the most unscrupulous of all animals (they do not fit the human category). Nowadays I have realised most engagement with humans are unfulfilling ( I still try with those I believe are genuine & have no ax to grind. Workplace is worse, the pettiness of point gaining and selling others ideas as their own is endemic, no friends just sharp operators vying for any advantage.<br />
<br />
I get on well with my sister, but ridiculous sibling rivalry (usually insulting to myself) has meant I have had to back off from contact with my brother.<br />
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All is not lost I have a wonderful wife, who I can share all with. She has never let me down, spurned me or lost faith in me. I guess if you find the right one then it is possible to face the world as it is.

Very true. I find that the workplace is full of people stepping on each other. For what reaelly? No other reason than selfishness.

Real People are very hard to find ..There are very few of us left out here..

Yep. I can relate. Perhaps one day I will be okay with people who don't really g.a.s., but I doubt it. :-)

I too have lost fate in people. I have come to the realization that most people truly don't understand what it means to be a friend. I find it very hard to trust people but when let you in, your in. And to find out that someone isn't being friend to me like I have to them it truly bothers me. I was in your situation three years ago with a man I thought I would marry. I love this man to pieces and we broke up and I found out that he has been dating someone on and off our entire relationship it crushed me. And to make it worse it was a cousin of a "friend". I was devastated but I took my time to heal and I prayed and ask God to get me through it. And he did, I also promised God that I would not judge the next man that come into my life ba<x>sed on my ex and thank goodness I did not. I have since meet the most kind hearted and loving man and we are now engaged to be married. I now know how it feels to truly love and be loved in return. Don't give up, I honestly believe that if you are a good person good things will come to

I promise nothing that I can't deliver. I am happy for you that you found someone to love, who loves you back. :-)

The tears, we shed, could float an aircraft carrier. The pieces of our hearts litter the miles that we have traveled. The broken dreams line the boulevards like oak trees, unbending in our lost passion, for love. The faith we have had in others, are as deep as the deepest ocean, and just as deadly to swim in without the aid of a respirator. Because the air is sucked out of our lives, and we drown in all the tears. Yes, I, too, know the pain of being betrayed by those who have professed to be my friend. God help us all, who have be waylaid by the lies, and the deceit of others. I am 63, and I still cannot discover the reasoning for God allowing me to remain here, with the liars cheats and just the damned!

Nicely described. I believe in karma. And, imho god has nothing to do with the free will of those who choose the path of self satisfaction.

I agree with what most of you have written. I am an old fashioned man who is willing<br />
to love until death. Love is important to me. I love --loving people. Especially women<br />
men I have a harder time with--there are a few good men deserving love.

I have a hard time trusting either, but do trust some. Love should be important to everyone, but it isn't.

The only totally faithful friend you can rely on blindly is of course Jesus Christ. He is more faithful to you than even you yourself can be to yourself. As far as other human beings can be entrusted to be faithful friends to you, please understand one thing: human interpersonal love is at best relational and not absolute.<br />
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That said, I once partook of your perception of human interpersonal faithfulness or faithlessness. Human beings are damaged souls. We're all flawed in some way. Accept that as the reality of human nature. But then understand that we cannot afford the luxury of deciding not to have anything more to do with others. You'd go insane, for real. We cannot seal ourselves off from the mass of humanity without losing our soundness of mind.<br />
<br />
Simply accept that as flawed and defective as we all are, we still all need one another to some degree or other. Being cynical can and is as naive as being totally gullible. They're opposite sides of the same coin. At worst, be a little skeptical. Be a little discriminating as far as choosing who allow to get close to you. Be cautious. But don't withdraw completely. It's unwise to go that far.

I withdraw from people who have harmed me. Nothing wrong with protecting my wellbeing. :-)

Life is a dichotomy, the yin and yang, just as people have a infinite capacity for good they also have an infinite capacity for evil. When I put my expectations on people and they fail that is my issue not theirs. It really isn't about anyone else, I have to be true to myself and what I believe. I'm the only person in the mirror that I have to be right with. Some people are toxic and those I choose to not deal with but never expect people to better then they are, they are imperfect at best. Although you must recognize the negative/evil in the world, never, never ever give into it. If you do then “they” win. Who are they? They are the ones that attempt to bring you down to their level. It is your choice to trust or not but if you choose to never trust anyone, you are the one that suffers not them. For me, I will live my life with my eyes wide open and never give in to those who would make me less me or less alive. Will I get hurt sometimes, of course, but when I leave this very short life I will not have missed out on the good things in life.

That is why I let go of harmful people.

In my eyes there is no shuch thing as a good friend.People don't know how to be a friend .A stranger will befriend you before someone you know will.It's a sad world we live in.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I do know true friends, and am blessed to have them. It is in my nature to be friendly with people. That does not mean that I trust them all.

Well, I'm three days into my awakening, and I really feel the more belief you have in yourself, the less damage negative folks can have. Can't let others be more important to you than you. That's how the bad ones can get you all twisted.

Twisted. Yes, that is where my emotions were when I wrote this. I know thatI have to be the most important to me. That is why I still exist, because I know that not one other person (excluding my children) is more important. I have not fulfilled my purpose yet.

"I have a tough exterior to protect myself from such, but I am very (probably overly) sensitive under that shell. When I let someone in, it is by choice. When that someone abuses my inner being, they are cast out and not allowed back in."<br />
<br />
Yes, well ok, thats exactly what I do, I cant bear the pain of having so many people hurt me so much, so I try to lessen it . doesnt make it easier tho......................<br />
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If someones a part of my life, thats great, if there not,, thats great too.<br />
I dont rely on them being there, it doesnt pay........................<br />
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I very rarely say hello or goodbye, not because I am trying to b rude, I just dont see any importance in it any more, sad, but true!<br />
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I dont rely on or put any faith in what they say or dont say, do or dont do......................<br />
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My "spirit" is precious, I have to protect it! <br />
<br />
If I am just not getting on with people, I go into "survival mode". until such time that I can emerge, when I feel its "safe".......................<br />
<br />
I have to survive, I must survive!

I will let you in on a little secret. I learned not to trust by the time I was four. I have been a survivor for almost as long as I've been alive. I am friendly either by nature or by my father teaching my that all people, like them or not, are worth a greeting and a parting. I work with the public, so that virtue is essential to my career.

"are worth a greeting and a parting"
Thanks whitefox, that really "speaks" to me, I dont know how it happened, it just no longer seems to have any relevance to me anymore..............

I am totally understand. I was there. At some point we need to let it go. Some people mean to be in our life. Some don't. Don't let anger dwell in you. It's bad for you, takes too much of your energy & does not make any good for you and you stuck in to the moment. Let it go & be thankful that we are free from those people who may do more harm for us if we stay with them.

:-) What I feel towards them now can be described as indifferance. I don't wish them harm, yet I don't wish them well. I don't even see them anymore even when they are standing in plain eyesight.

"What I feel towards them now can be described as indifferance"

Thats how I feel, I dont hate them, just dont see the point in even trying to get on with them................

Thanks. Yeah. I think set a boundaries is necessary. I still remember how my good friend did something bad &amp; it really hurt me deeply. I stopped contact him for a while &amp; when I asked about the incident, he he did not even remember it. The way we receive thing sometimes so different of the way others thought about it. Communication is a key issue of any relationship. Yes, we need friend. A good &amp; trusted one!

Thank you for sharing your story. I often wonder about those things myself and can't find the answer. And you are so right, we can't give up hope. That's why I refuse to go all bitter, though I'm yet to grow a tougher shell and build taller walls... lol :)

It was my pleasure. Well, not at the time it was written. I haven't found the answers either. I've had many years of practice in building my wall. The shell is my first line of defense, and has also been years in the making. I'm not bitter as there is no sense in it. To be bitter would mean I let them win.

What also Hurt me the other day, when I got into a Dispute with the Sister I Thought I was Close to, now found out She wasn't that close to me. The comment came out from me to her I said, I thought we were Close!! She replied, I am Not close to Anyone in the family. That blew me away with terrible Hurt. Now I know better Not to share so much with her anymore (keeping my guard up as well). I know it's Sad to think this way, but for many years and years I always thought she was close to me, now this. Also, way, way back in the beginning of our closeness, there was another time I tried to get closer to her, and she rebelled it seemed. I Only asked her if she can come over, More. She replied, I have my own life Too, and do other things with my partner. And we need to do our own things, with our partners. I never forgot that, but I tried to Disregard it for so many years.

Imho, family and relatives are two different animals. Relatives are those people that you share bloor/dna with. Family, you choose for yourself. Those are the people, related or not, who love and accept you no matter what. :-)

After re-reading your post, I can't help but to think that something detrimental happened in your family a very long time ago. I know that is the case for me, and why I don't trust family.

I feel the same as you! Wow, I thought I was the only person on the planet feeling this way!! Same goes with family members, sisters, brothers, even my father. They Only seem to want me when they need to have something done, or help with something from me. Otherwise we all don't keep in touch, being Closer wise. This has bothered me all my life, and now I am in my 50's. I was the one being told by so many, for so many years, that I was too Sensitive. So I felt that I was an Outcast because of this, compared to them, mainly Family is this way towards me. The "ONLY" person these days that Ever gives back to me is my 12 year old son. Without him in my life I would probably be an alcoholic, or be on massive antidepressants that Never worked for me anyways. I use to drink a lot Before my son was born, but then I completely Stopped!! Which I pat myself on the back all the time for this. I would do Anything for my son. The Love I give him daily, he gives back to me Double!! Today I have trouble finding a Good Friend as well. It's Hard to trust anyone now, and in the past. My Guard is always up, and hard to let down, except for my son. I need a friend to go out with sometime, because I do stay home too much. My Wife is not too supportive being married for 32 years, believe it or not. She just likes to stay home the weekends and watch TV, nothing more. So I end up trying to do More with my son, which I give All my attention to 24/7. And I know it's probably not good to do that all the time with him. But he is all I have. Again I know I need to get out More, and having a Close friend. God Bless you all.

Life is so short. Friends are few and really good friends are rare. I am 62. I regret that I will never meet the kind of friends I would really like to have and trust. I am a realist. If there really is a powerful God out there why would he/she allow all this BS to go on. The pain and suffering of children is something a loving God should not tolerate. If he is watching all this doing nothing about it I have a few questions . Whatever sick stupid explanation for that please spare me the BS. The world of religion is full of hate, war, and suffering. I find religious people to be the most arrogant, self centered, and holier than thou jerks on the planet. . None practice what they preach. I think Hell is right here. We live between life's horrors. There ain't no reason to wonder why Whoopee we're all gonna die. Just try to enjoy the ride of life and don't sweat the little stuff.

I had to giggle when I read this. No disrespect meant. Church alone does not a good christian make.

I am sorry you are in pain. It is hard not to expect others to treat you the way you treat them.<br />
I agree with the person who says not to expect from others and then whatever you get is a plus,<br />
With people you have to lower your expectations to protect yourself.<br />
<br />
I was disappointed by a Bible teacher who used me for 15 years. Emotional usage. That experience distanced me from Christians and God. But the distance with God has to do with His allowing torture and murder of innocents. Yes some will say God doesn't do evil but with his knowing all even before it happens I find it hard to see Him as a God of love.<br />
<br />
Maybe trusting others is what we do because we need others and then we find we are enough.

I'm sorry about your bad experience with organized religion. That's one thing that can seriously crush a persons faith in others. Perhaps we do trust in others to find that we are enough, but I also believe that we aren't meant to be alone.

True friends are hard to find. The hardest is when 2 good people are friends, a man and a woman, and one falls in love. There isn't a rule book for this, there isn't a fix it manual for this. Just 2 good people who care so much about each other, but that Love thing happened to one. Do they care so much for each other that they have to say good bye? All the years of trust, wonderful share times, must it end? Yes I'm one of them

Sometimes, its better to let go than to keep drinking the poison. Had I decided to keep fighting for somrthing that was already gone, I would only be harming myself. I did enough of that in the past.

That's issue. We've were just friends for so many years and then one day, it was just a simple gesture where I saw the most wonderful woman I've ever seen. Our friendship means so much, but it is I who has to somehow convert the romantic love into an elevated friendship love. How is the question.

Time. Acceptance that it is what it is, nothing more. Patience with yourself, to overcome your hurt and disappointment. It's involved, and difficult to pick the pieces and carry on.

They were ideas before they were words. It is natural to aspire to great things.. especially in regards to love and friendship.

Whitefox67, You are two years older than my daughter. She has many friends. One reason is I raised her too be tough and hard, but kind to others. One thing that was passed on is, take most people with a-bit-of-salt. ( We are ocean people )....Mental toughness is an easy mind-set to learn, just takes practice and time. You write well, so ya got the smarts. Take your time in trusting peoples..Luv, michelle

Thank you Michelle! I don't like being so sensative. Your daughter is a lucky woman to have a mom like you.

I have lost faith too. The only people I trust now is my family. I'm just like u cast out fake friends but it still hurts! Hope you will find someone to trust.

I don't even trust some of my family, and don't associate myself with the ones I don't trust.

awesome sharing.. its all abot feeling in simple... No feelings no words....!

:-) thanks

After going through a divorce I never wanted I learned that I have very few true friends and that I only count on myself. That way no one can tear me apart again. It was a hard lesson learned but I am stronger now than before. Dont expect anything from anyone and you will have less disapointsments. I have chosen to keep negative people out of my life. I dont want liars cheaters etc in my life family or not. I have enough negativing inside of me right now I dont need to add to it. <br />
<br />
There are good people in this world. They are just few and far between. Some off them may surprise us at times. I am trying not to give up all hope their are people like us out there. I see more here than in person. Or at least it seems that way.

Amen. There is nothing you have said here that I can disagree with.

i agree. . even i have lotta experiences. . .betrayal is just another common phenomena in today's world. .

Imho, values aren't what they were meant to be.

Be kind to others for they are fighting their own battles. Keep your bridges; you just don't have to cross it until you're ready. It seems to me we're all at a different level of understanding in terms of "growing up". Help those people who are behind move forward, but only if they ask for or reach out for it. Otherwise, leave them alone, and in some cases, stay the hell away from them. Thats what I tell myself.

Be kind to others for they are fighting their own battles. Keep your bridges; you just don't have to cross it until you want to. It seems to me we're all at a different level of understanding in terms of "growing up". Help those people who are behind move forward, but only if they ask for or reach out for it. Otherwise, leave them alone, and in some cases, stay the hell away from them. Thats what I tell myself.

In this case, I've opted to stay the hell away for my own sanity.

If you see any of my pieces floating by, give me a shout.

Will do. Ditto on that. Not that I need them, but because I want them. They're mine.

whatever happens,you can handle it.<br />
self-thoughts brings on reality.<br />
as a man think so is he.keep your mind positive and create a positive energy that attracts others in a positive way.<br />
you been rejected and it hurts,you cut people off but the anxiety still created a wall around you but the pain still in your circle.<br />
you can't judge others at your own standards,you can't control them either but,you can control is easy to blame others when the relationship goes wrong but it is the wrong thing to do and unhealthy.for those people you blame are controlling you,your moods depends on how they relate to you,you are automatically their slave.but when you cut them off and look at the situation on another angle and be honest with yourself,focus on yourself ,you become know we can choose what to do with people and your choice is your responsability nobody made the choice to have them in your life!look at it as your mistake,you trusted them! look at it as your naivity,you loved them !look at it as you better than them,you gave your best !look at it as you are richer than them,for you have a heart and ,you living this life. sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn't,either way you are a champion for you have people around you but they are not perfect,some are hurting in silence,others are ignorant,some are crying out in their hearts for help for they are trapped in darkness they hunger for love,acceptance, a helping hand that will bring light in their never fail,love is an unbreakable power,love is patient,love does not boast or seek self satisfaction,love can choose to love and no hate,with perseverance and endurance you will win those hearts and save souls.remain blessed and be the good friend that you are,show the kindness that you have for, what you want others to do for you,you do for them .because you are teaching them.<br />
be kind to yourself and love without ceasing,for your life is to be celebrated by others and you will find joy and happiness by serving others in the end God will not ask you how many loved you,or how many helped you,he will ask you how many you loved and how many you helped and are your brother's keeper and you have all it takes to love unconditionally.make a choice today to be that special person and don't denie yourself the joy of living a fulfilled life.don't be discouraged because you have a good heart,don't loose yourself because nobody noticed God will reward you,he will reward the kindness you have shown to others,your good deeds are being counted,keep it up are the symbol of love.<br />
do you know that most people hate you,envy you because they want to be like you,you have something they don't have and that thing is good,otherwise they won't bother at all.don't let them crush you and turn you into a monster that they are,but prove yourself to stand for a good cause at the end they will come running to you because you are the only one who understand ,everyone needs a shoulder to cry on.we need strong people to help us.may God strengthen you and give you courage and boldness to help others.may God give you the wisdom to guide and help those he had put on your paths,and may he restaure those broken relationships,and i bind rejection in your life.<br />
i declare you are the head not the tail,you will always be at the top not the bottom,you are blessed as you come in and as you go out.the work of your hands are Jesus name.

I am a survivor. I have been through worse, and lived to tell. Thank you for the positive comments.

I trust 3 beings - God the Father, Jesus God's Son, The Holy Spirit. I trust nor rely on anyone else, including me :-)

I trust my three friends with my life. They trust me the same. I do not trust organized religion, and have my own concept of G.O.D. (good, orderly direction).

Its sickening Iknow.. I feel and your turmoil and frustrative pain with fake people. "Folks" use words such as friendship and love when they know both are ultra important to you: They know nothing of either. MOST people will use you for whatever they can: Doesnt have to be anything needed, they just enjoy taking, burning you to the greatest possible limit. You stated there are a very few people in your life who are genuine... Same here. We are both fortunate to have these people. You wont discover good people by not seeking them out. its a trying, painful, depressing process at times. The rewards are great!!! I continue to know the most valuable aspect of my life is a very few. very true friends.. Id probably not be here if not for them. Over and above biological family, my few friends will ALWAYS be my greatest asset in life:):). Hang tough to the friends you do have, chances are good you will need no others :)

:-) Those three women know my soul. They are why I am here. When the pain is too much for me to bear alone, I call one of them and we talk til I'm ok. I do the same for them.

there is true friendship in that totally completelt priceless:)

Yes, those three women are priceless to me. :-)

IOkay... Thank you all for stories, advice, etc. Please continue! I can, however, go without the soapbox sermons. My poor, Pagan eyes want to bleed when I read them. My teachings tell me not to harm any other human being including myself. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. You can very well say what you want to say without divulging your religeous beliefs. Thank you!

The very center of the Bible says. It is better to trust God than to trust man. I wondr why. There are some very good and valid answers and thoughs to you post White Fox. I just would like to add my two cents. To be human is to hier. Your to busy pointing the finger. If you have never hurt anyone never told a lie, never did anything for persoanl gain. i commend you. The truth is that we all fall short of what God attendend us to be. So set boundrys and keep your distance. Or how about those poeple that are unlovable show them love. It is easy for us to treat those who treat us well good. Lets try something harder and treat the unlovable with the Love of Christ and see if that changes thier outlook.

It is not a time to beat someone with the Bible when they are hurting. The point being made is the need to hold a kernel of yourself safe from the harm inflicted by those you have trusted.

Chapter? Verse? Apparently, you have never been cheated on by your significant other with a person who claimed to be your friend. No matter how you slice it, it effing HURTS. That is what this post is about. The pain of feeling hurt and betrayed by people that you chose to love or care about.

Please forgive me if I misunderstund what the story was about. have been through more than I would like to share or even you could possibly handle at the hands of others. It is only through my faith that I have been able to heal and get past those hurts. I will not attack your pagan beliefs. I would like you to know that it is in forgiveness of those that have hurt you is when the healing began. It dose not mean keep them closs to you, it just me you set your self free from thier mistake or intent to hurt you. Now you can move froward and not become a prisoner of that pain. It took me years to forgive someone close to me. What a backpack of crap i carried while they went on with thier life. Yes it takes time just do not let it consome you. I am sorry about your eyes and any pain that i ahve cause. It was not my intent. God Bless you always.

I have been on this earth 57 years. I have been hurt and neglected by those who were supposed to love me the most on many levels and in many ways in my lifetime. Here is what I have learned. Toxic relationships and negative people should be avoided for our own self preservation and emotional health. However and it's a big however, we as humans also need to love other humans to be truly fulfilled. We were created to Love and Love is as essential as breathing to be truly happy. But we must love without the expectations that the love will be returned equally. We should not get our self worth from other people. We must first love and value ourselves. People are flawed. They will let us down and disappoint us. Forgiveness is a virtue we all need to understand in order to be truly happy.<br />
I have chosen which relationships, are important to me. The negative ones that are not, I have let go. The ones that are important to me I keep alive but with the knowledge that I am loving an imperfect person by choice, just as God loves me by choice though I am far from perfect.<br />
That's just my 2 cents.

I love at least 3 other people unconditionally. I care about many more. I have been through a lot in my lifetime as well. More than I care to share with the world. I wonder how my life would have been different, had just one thing, only one never happened.

I agree totally with your story. I feel the same way. I cannot trust ANYONE anymore. I was deceived into my second, and last, marriage. I am very disappointed in people, and in my life. Hopefully, things will turn out well for you. If you would ever like to chat, please let me know.

Thank you. I never said here that I mistrust all people. I will say, that the next man that tries to get into my heart has got his work cut out for him. Screw the brick wall, it's now Ft. Knox.

...and maybe the biggest thing is to keep finding love to give freely and simply without expectation, and keep finding it from within yourself to give to yourself. <br />
<br />
When experiences with people disappoint us, then that creates disappointment within ourselves. You don't want that to happen. You don't want to carry the burdens of others in our soul.<br />
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I know this is hard stuff. Right now my own heart is heavy and life seems a burden. Brighter days must come. Whatever the case, whenever you can think, you can think creatively—and you can WRITE. Keep a journal for a while. See what that does for you, writing every day on a schedule if you can. Get stuff out of your head and onto the page.

It's not great to know that I am not alone, because it means that there are so many people out there hurting. I write my best (and darkest) poetry when I am hurting. A good thing? Maybe not so much. What I want to do, and what I know is right are two different things at this point in my life. Good self control is my friend right now. :-)

There are no happy poets :) - Whitefox this story struck such a chord with me. It has been many years since I have let anyone inside me, the pain was too great when they took their piece and leave me bleeding. After 30 years I let that guard down and believed in love again, the new wound hurts more that ever before, I knew better.... never again

What you wrote indicates you have a lot of self-awareness. You're ALIVE. Don't forget to watch that speech, please.

I am going to watch the video right now, because if I don't I will forget. Lol

Up til last year, when I decided to trust this person, let down my guard and let them know ME, every aspect of me, it had been 9 years since anyone was allowed into my heart. Again, I trust the wrong person and get my heart ripped out, stepped on, kicked and shattered. I'm sure it will take longer, if ever next time.

2 More Responses

The trick—not that I've learned it—is to appreciate anyone for who they are, enjoy what there is to enjoy about your connection with them, but maintain your self, your boundaries, at all times. Say "No" when you must, without fear. Say "Yes" whenever you can.<br />
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I think it's perfectly normal that you know a few people who are genuine friends and consider the rest as simple acquaintances. And if you are as honest as you state: "I never tell someone that I love them if I don't feel it", you are among the few.<br />
<br />
Take care of yourself, do what you can to stay healthy—whatever that means, yoga, diet, exercise, sleep, all the good stuff.<br />
<br />
One more thing: listen to this man's speech with your full attention:<br /><br />
<br />
You'll love what he says and how he says it. It's a graduation speech but, when you think about it, we're always graduating from something. Or we want to.

My father rarely said "I love you." I never had to question it though, because he showed it. He taught me that the words mean nothing without the actions. I will watch the video and comment further when I am done. Thank you for the reminder to take care of the things that I forget about when my emotions are in an uproar. One thing I have issues with is boundaries. I don't say no when I need to. I am finally saying no to a relationship that went nowhere fast. Another thing... I love myself enough to not give in. :-)

Ugh! Malformed video id. What is the name of it?

You just wrote the story of my life sweetheart. I am constantly feeling like I am the odd one because I am nice, friendly and respectful. I have had many friends tell me they love me and will support me then turn around and leave when they want to. My own father even left me at birth. I can't even imagine walking out on someone that cares about you. In the end, I do what I can to help restore people's faith and be a good friend. I get upset when people hurt me, especially loved ones, but in the end of the day it is not my conscience affected but theirs.

I am too nice. Too friendly. Too respectful. I am a doormat apparently. I do not know who my ***** donor is, but I was raised by a good man who taught me love, respect and the true meaning of friendship. He was my father, even though he didn't help create me. Very true about the conscience. I can go to sleep at night knowing that I did my best to make those I've been in contact with throughout my day have felt respected and valued as human beings... even if I don't like them.

Read my story "Finding Me."

I agree and I feel the same way. I used to have sooo many friends, and slowly I learned that not so many were my friends...not when you really need one. Yes, True friends might hurt your feelings, but its supposed to be accidental and you're supposed to get an apology. I can't remember the last time I felt someone was TRULY sorry for hurting my feelings. And you can tell when they're not. Its a sucky feeling. And Yes, I TOTALLY agree that it hurts just as much to cut them loose. Because you put faith in them, and they hurt you anyway, probably for selfish reasons.<br />
<br />
But I do keep the faith that there are true, GENUINE people out there. Like US, here being supportive of one another. We just gotta get out of our circle to find them. When you're not in school anymore it can be hard to remember not everyone is like the few people you visit the office with every day. We're out there! We DO care tremendously about our friends & do things just because we know it will make you smile. I am one of those people, and I won't let the negative folks & ignorant folks change me. I'm a little sad for them that they will never know how good of a friend I really am. How sincere & thoughtful and just plain honest friendships can be really fulfilling & rewarding. You only need ONE of those I think too. One other person that you can pour your heart out to, get some understanding, some "no way you're crazy" and "um, that makes your butt look BAD" kinda friend. <br />
<br />
I hope today is a little better than yesterday and that you can smile. (^_^) Sending my love, hugs & wishes for a true believer, a true friend in your future. And don't forget, friends aren't perfect anymore than we are.

Thank you. I have three true friends. My bestest, I have known for 42 years. I had to teach her after all these years that she can tell me what she thinks and I won't get mad. I accept what she says because I know it is said out of love. The second I have known for 11 years. She and I have been 100% honest with each other from day one. The third I have known for about a year and a half. She has no problem at all telling me what she thinks. All three of them earned the title Friend, and realize and respect my good qualities and accept my flaws. I have crappy "judgement" when it comes to men. Haha! Perhaps that flaw is one for the shrink. :-) Thank you for your good wishes, and I wish the same for you. Love, light and hugs backatcha!

Hi there, <br /><br />
Life is painful, friends are the ones that hurt the most, they are part of our learning process. What I have learnt through friendship nightmares is to learn to be your own best friend and not to be dependent on anyone but yourself. Centre yourself and work on inner cleansing. When you get over and find some positive energy keep it and save it. You will need to keep the faith as thats what life is all about. Ask yourself how can i grow from will see. Hugs

Hi there, <br /><br />
Life is painful, friends are the ones that hurt the most, they are part of our learning process. What I have learnt through friendship nightmares is to learn to be your own best friend and not to be dependent on anyone but yourself. Centre yourself and work on inner cleansing. When you get over and find some positive energy keep it and save it. You will need to keep the faith as thats what life is all about. Ask yourself how can i grow from will see. Hugs

Hi back. Oh, the growth from this fiasco better be huge. Lol Thank you. I am working a little bit each day on the positive energy thing. Baby steps right now. Hugs backatcha.

It feels as if I wrote this post ...I've always been a true, genuine, caring person, but I've lost faith in humanity. It is a selfish world and it's sad that we have to resort to exterior armor. I'm currently out of a relationship that was one sided, and it kills me inside to know that I worked so hard for nothing left me jaded and angry. I've had "friends" use and abuse my good nature, and lately it feels good to be alone. Sad reality, but true. I wish good things for you and hugs XXXXX

I think I must have "doormat" tattooed on me somewhere. Just when I thought it was okay to trust someone with my heart again, he smashed it into a million peices. Never again. I'd rather be alone. Thank you, and hugs backatcha

I thought the exact way of myself, "as a doormat". My only problem is that I must not think too much of myself for I am still in a toxic relationship, but my issue is that I hate being alone. I'm 42 and my Mother, Father and brother have died, and my other brother and sister never call me to see how I'm doing. I always call them from time to time, but they don't seem like they ever want to chat. I feel I have lost all my family, all together and I never felt so alone, with my thoughts. I also left a relationship of 17 yrs with someone, that just didn't seem to work out. I was never asked to be married or have kids, and I am a family kind of person. The one I'm with now, doesn't seem to give me respect or value what I do or say. So my delema is either be alone (feeling like I'm going to be like this, forever, because I'm too shy and lost my trust in the world around me), or my choice is to not be alone and feel isolated in a different way. Either way, I've feel I've lost my family, my identity, my dignity, in a way. I have so many items in my 1 bedroom apt. that remind me so much of my family, my past relationship (of 17 yrs), and my lost job, I don't feel there is anything left. I used to entertain and be quite happy and sucure, at times. Now, there is no one to entertain anymore and have fun with. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried going to churches, where women gather (Women's Centre), and I don't feel like I belong or fit in, in that particular enviornment. It reminds me how far I've fallen, from my life. I just miss what I had, and every time I help someone out, or (if I can afford it) give money to, I can't help them like I could have done in the past. I see the homeless struggle and I feel...I'm not to far behind them.
I at least have my cat, from my past, that can curl up with me at night. She's all I have left. I don't want to lose her anytime soon. I guess this is what you call really insecure, and lonely.
I pray you will hold on to what you have that is still good in your life and hope you will never have to experience the hurt and loss, I'm still presently going through. I'm so alone because I can't find the ones to trust, and the ones I trusted are dead. Please take care. I have to go.

I feel as thou I wrote this myself. I can hear the pain in your words. I wish I had some great words of wisdom to share. Words that in some way would make the pain lessen, but I don't.
I am completely alone in my own lil' world and I made the choice. I was tired of the pain, my heart and soul simply could not take another loss of any kind. I wish you the best. Continue to seek some kind of help enabling you a way to deal with your inner turmoil. This too is a slow painful process, but you may find some answers and possibly a little relief along the way. You have a kind heart, protect it. Continue giving when and where you can. This is one way of finding a lil' relief along the way. Take care!

I now how jou veel I olso veel like that


People are by born selfish. In this commercial world find out a true friend depend on absolutely luck.

I believe that true friends are fate. I have less than 10 people that I consider true friends. They love me just the way I am, flaws and all.

I wish I could find some true friends.

I was going to read your profile before responding, but am blocked from veiwing. So, I am just going to tell you that there are loving, genuine people out there that you can call friend.

I too am a lone wolf, and at this juncture will probably remain that way. Too hard, and painful to find true friends. It's hard to tear down walls when the building of the walls is an on-going process.

People aren't perfect. The bible teaches that they have a sinful nature and are in need of a saviour. God has provided that saviour through the lord Jesus Christ. He longs to be your best friend, saviour and so much more.He will never leave you nor forsake you and sticks closer than a brother.


I'm a Pagan. It cracked me up. :-)

The Bible, as it exist now, is incomplete, from a histrica standpoint, the first pope literally picked and chose, or cast out the sections that suited his needs to control the masses. So, yes, the Bible is BS.

Congratulations, you just took the first step to having normal relationships. There are very few people who are completely trustworthy but that dosen't mean you have to shut them out completely. Your intuition and experiences will tell you how much trust you can have in someone and you hve your relationship accordingly. You can be friendly without putting too much on the line. It's too bad it took so long to come to this realization. I haven't had complete trust in anyone since i was 10 years old but it never kept me from having what i consider normal relationships. I've been married for 22 years and that is my most complete trust but even that is not 100% and nobody can convince me it should be.


Simple way of living to me is.. just don't expect anything from others. You love them, like them be it unconditional!!<br />
<br />
Even if you are ready to give everything for them.. don't expect anything, don't set expectations. And believe me, when you set no expectations & you have nothing to loose or nothing to hurt yourself, anything positive coming-in is your gain, is your earning from the people who love/like you.<br />
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Cheers!<br />

True. I find that there are some conditions that I can't seem to let go. I demand honesty and fidelity. Those are my conditions.

Wisest comment on the board, for me anyway. l expected too much of someone and lost them in the end, we can not change other people, only ourselves! And a wise saying from Gandi says " BE the change you want to see in the world!!.


This is not rocket science. We choose our own paths. You do not have to surround yourself with those who bring discomfort to your life. If they bother you in any fashion, then they control you. You have freedom of choice. Choose to interact with people who are genuine. I firmly believe that there are more good people in the world than bad. Do not let phonies enter your space. Cast them away.

Yes, we choose our own paths, but we do not have control of others actions. We can only choose to accept or reject what they do. Yes, cold as it sounds, I have even cast out toxic family members. :-) Painful, but necessary.

That is exactly what I'm saying. Since we can't control other's actions, we choose our path at the time they bring harm to our life. Sometimes we choose to try and help which is noble. Sometimes we must send them packing. I have also discarded family that forfeit their right to be family members. The bottom line is that we can minimize the harm brought into our lives.

Even though it hurts, I have decided to discard this person from my life. I will survive it, I just have to get through it. :-)

I have lost faith in people also...And what hurts the most is when you were so nice to them, and went out of your way for them. Then they put you down and say mean things to you..I have learned not to open up to anyone,,don't tell people what is going on in your life,,this way they can't betray you. Ignorant people jump on our weakness,,meaning if you are a good,honest, giving person,,people take advantage of you. So I do still give,and I will always be nice,but mostly to people I don't know. I am so cautious now when I am around family and friends, I watch what I say and do.. Because I have been hurt by close family and friends. My stepson and daughter-in-law,, hurted me the most,,and I was so good to them. I don't even want to see them or be around them..It is so hard to forgive them..I told them I forgive them for hurting me,,but I still don't want to be around them at all,I can't even look at them. I find so many people are fake,,phoney people. I said that to some people,, that I don;t like fake people,,one girl said to me,,people are phoney to you because it is your own character that makes them fake,phoney..I didn't like her answer,, some people can be so ignorant,,selfish and envy of what you have. So what do you do with these people? My stepson and daughter-in-law want what we have,they live their life around us. I wish they had their own life and do their own thing,,but that is not going to happen unless we move. So I avoid doing things with my husband because they are always there..Like for example we want to go for a boat ride,,they are right there,,,when we do go without telling them,,they say things like,,oh I wish you had to tell us you were going,,we would have liked to go too..They make us feel guilty..We shouldn't be feeling guilty for going out in the boat ourselves. So that is why I don't trust anyone,,I don't like fakes,ignorant,,disrespectful ,selfish people. I wish I was living on a island away from these kind of people..I ended up in the hospital twice for panic attacks,,I have anxiety attacks around people like this. So what do I do?

I would say that first, set boundaries with the step-son and his wife. Difficult? Yes, but not impossible. You and your husband should never feel guilty for living your lives. Also, only the two of you can decide what the boundaries are. Once you make them and state them, STICK to them. I stopped sharing my personal life with people who don't care enough to tell the truth.

just be yourselves, I guess you are good people so why do you allow yourselves to suffer these kinds of people. I can only think it is something maybe in your own past that is not resolved. because in your own heart and mind you are saying no to this people so why do you let it carry on. You don;t have to let it/ them. Go. live as the beautiful people that you are.

panic attacks are terrible. I have had a couple myself and my first one came when I was so horribly decieved, and then a few more times when I had a major athsma attack which then made my breathing almost impossible. I know understand that although the panic attack is real and totally invasive that you have to be able to ignore all else and concentrate on your breathing. Understanding that the feeling will pass and that you do have control. To gain control you just need to know it will pass and try anything to calm yourself till it does. You do know what helps you feel comfortable, safe and relaxed. So think of these things before you have a panic attack so you can try these things when you are panicing.

I finally don't feel so alone with the same thoughts

in my head, about how others can try to make you feel, in certain situations. I believe what you are talking about is a form of manipulation (to make you feel guilty and make you feel bad enough to make you give in to their wants and desires).

I was told once, and I only had to be told once, "GUILT IS A GIFT YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT." I took this to heart, because there are so many things that happen in our lives that can drain your "GOOD" energy. We can always find the people in our lives or OUR WORST ENEMY... "OURSELVES", to beat us up, even though we feel we shouldn't deserve times. See...even I do this...when this isn't good for our self esteem.

Anyways, don't let others try to make you feel any worse than what you already "probably do TO yourself". Put whatever good have left...towards healing the wrongs done to you and try to change how hurtful you treat yourself.

Others don't deserve your kind heart. Frig-em. They are insecure, sad, bitter and jealous and will probably, always hold a grudge, without realizing it probably took you quite a few years to get what you have in your lifetime, now. Each to their own.

Take care :)

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Inflation and greed on every level are rampant in this world. <br />
In my opinion you build friendships with people over the years and out of that you get a small number of really true friends. <br />
Secondly, in different cultures the word friend has different meanings. <br />
Lastly, I think it's better to have a negative experience once in a while, than shutting out potential friendship. My motto is: Be good, but be careful to whom.

Some people try to make others lives miserable for other reasons. One in particular out of envy for the good relationship that I had. Lonliness because she couldn't find and keep a man... Karma baby, karma.

I have lost faith in people also..Most people will betray you for their personal gain, whether it be so called friends or family. I found out that people cannot be trusted and will always let you down. That's why we should only trust God totally and never people in their human form. I am genuine and have a hard time understanding how misleading, selfish and devious people can be. What a disappointment the human race can be. Only a few are pure at heart and giving. It makes me want to run away and hide from people and start a new life somewhere else...maybe heaven is the answer, it will never be right until we get there...

Oh yeah. I know about the person who does what they do for personal gain. I will comfortably sat that the person is very, very lucky for two reasons. 1) I have incredible self control. 2) I do not look good in prison orange.

I've been through the same kind of pain except it was the father of my kids and my best friend when I was in hospital giving birth to our third child together. I cut her out of my life straight away although she tried and tried to talk to me. She also tried to plan a life with my kids Dad. I told her that I didn't have to deal with her, however the father of my kids I had to. We are still together. It happened nearly four years ago now and it still causes me pain sometimes. You seem like a wonderful, caring and loving person who deserves a hell of a lot better. Sometimes things happen for a reason. That idiot is the one who lucked out not you babe. It may hurt now, but at least you are not wasting any more of your precious time or hopes and dreams on him. He maybe had to go, so you could find someone who is worthy of your affection. GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH. Concentrate on the positives and try to not let it poison your life now or future relationships. Take care.

Thank you! This too, shall pass. I'm sorry that you endured the same kind of pain. It's never easy. Your hubby is very lucky that I'm not the one he was married to. He'd have broken his neck scrambling for the door! I do my best to hold my head high and keep moving forward. Thank you for your kind words as someone who's been there. (Hugs)

dear friend, why you need love and acceptance of others. real fact is no one in the world is interacting with each others without purpose that means either they want to give or to take from you. i had these confusion during my adolescence. but i found the only one who never give up in any situations is jesus christ. if you are not tried him please try. i think you have tried so much for developing trust. please try him in a trial basis. get a king james version bible or bible in your mother toung and read new testments about jesus christ. 100% sure you never go for anyone rather all come for you without your call. if you are ready please pray with me these lines. dear jesus, i accepting you as my friend, father, saviour, companion of my life. please give peace to my body, mind and my spirit. please talk to me. i want to listen your voice. i want to talk to you lord. thank you jesus i pray in jesus name amen. Dear friend, read bible every day and try him for 30 days and see what he do for u. the wonderful thing is that since you prayed this prayer jesus gave you another friend for you. its me Mr. thomas varghese from india. you can mail me on trust me. reply to this mail. now i want to pray for you... dear jesus thank you for the friend that you have made. thank you for listening our prayers. now i bless anna leise in the name of jesus. let all darkness, feeling of emptyness go out of her in the jesus name. shower your mercy, love, compassion to her lord. fill her with right understanding about the world and its illusion lord. let her lead by your holy sprit. .. thank you for this companionship. thank you we pray in jesus name amen. dear anna, enjoy today have a wonderful day bye. reply must....

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I agree finding people who can make you feel good about yourself and who you can count on is extremely difficult.

yes it is hard to find people who uplift you.

There are a select few who know what's been going on, and I have to say that while I don't have total trust in them, they have been very supportive.

I have learned several things over the years:<br />
<br />
People have issues; we all do.<br />
<br />
Never put people on pedestals...that way you don't get disappointed if or when they fall from grace.<br />
<br />
Never envy people for who they are with or what they might be willing to do the things to get what they have or be with the person that they are with.

No pedestals, no envy. Just plain pissed. :-)

Trust in God because God's love is unconditional; God will be with you when all others are gone.

With God's love, you don't give people the power to **** you off!

I'll pray for you.

Remember God can handle all our anger if we give it to him.

Thank you. :-)

I for one agree with this statement whole heartedly. Try and live your life one moment at a time and forgive yourself for all your past mistakes and forgive others too. Seek everyday what it is that God wants you to do,offer yourself to him,to do with you whatever he will have you do. You will still struggle from time to time but you will prevail and you will have rest and peace of mind,the heart will heal.

For me : its a terrible shame that you couldnt help but to plug god while people are being discussed. I must have missed the church bus

There's still time to get on it. I believe in God and God loves us all. God bless you! Peace and love!

God? There's a God? As much as I've prayed in my life with all the misery I've endured, I have finally come to believe there is no God; or at least not one that cares about me.

Unconditional as long as you OBEY. but if you "sin" you get eternal hellfire. Sin such as eating the wrong food, having the wrong kind of sex with the wrong person, etc. I would not treat a dog the way that the bible says the god treats those that he loves.

God does crucify us people do. Psalms 103 says that God will chastise us, but not punish us the way we should be. Unfortunately, I don't when some people here felt God abandon them. I do hope that you find what you seek in a positive light and love your brothers and sisters while on this matter what you believe. I am not here to change anyone's beliefs. God bless.

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I agree it is so hard to find a true friend, ones you can sit with and enjoy each others company without faking it. True friends don't hurt each other ♥

I have one person in my life that is a true friend. We've been friends for 42 years, and know everything about each other. I love her with my soul. know you are a lucky lady..most people don't even have one true friend

Thank you. Most of what makes us best friends, is that we accept each other exactly as we are and we are honest with each other.

yes yes yes

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