Ive Lost You Once, I Dont Want To Lose You Again.

My nephew was introduced into my life on the 17th April 2010. He was then gone on the 7th July 2010. I still remember the day at the hospital from when he was born, i still remembr my first hold and his smile. Iremembr his cry and his laugh. He meant the world to me and now he's gone forever. It was a saturday morning and my parents were in Australia for a holiday. It was just me and my other sister at home. I have two sisters and one brother. I heard a door slam and my nana crying. She was walking up the stairs to where my room was.She sat down beside me and cried "im sorry but we have some bad news". i asked her what was wrong and at this point, i was worried. She said "Your nephew has died of cot death." Her words were muffled by tears but they seemed so clear to me. Part of me didnt want to believe it, but i no this isnt something you lie about. I broke down into tears and quickly made my way to my sisters house. We arrived outside the house and there were so much people outside, i could hear the sound of my sister crying. it was so, so loud. I walked into the house and my family were having a waiata with baby. I looked at my nephew and he was still in his pj's, and wrapped up in his little blue blanket. i thought i was going to be alright but when i seen that little boy in his cot, just looking like he was sleeping but really dead; i cried. And cried; and didnt stop. I now kick myself for it because my sister asked me the night before if iwanted to look after baby for her. but i couldnt be bothered so i said no. If i looked after him, he wouldnt be dead right now. He would still be alive right? But no instead my brother, drunk, stayed up pumping his chest for 3 hours straight. Knowing that his nephew had passed away but yet holding onto the hope that maybe, just maybe he'd awake. 1and a half years later, my sister had another baby boy. Looking like my nephew that passed, itake all the chances iget to look after him, and when ido look after him icheck on him every 5mins making sure he is breathing. Im scared, im scared of losing 'him' again.
serahbaaaby serahbaaaby
18-21, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

You nor anyone else could have prevented your baby nephew from dying. Doctors all over the world have been trying to figure out why these tiny little babies silently slip away in their sleep. There are no answers.<br />
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However your little baby is a very special 'angel'. I believe this with all my heart. I have lost 6 little babies. The hardest thing a mom can EVER do in her whole life. Mine are all angels and i will see them again someday. Right now they are being loved and cared for by their grandmas and great-grandmas and aunts that have all passed before them.<br />
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Your new nephew is just as special, because he is here. And all of us who have lost babies know how scary it is to get another special gift like that and be fearful that it will happen again. I won't lie, it could. But I pray that it will not. The chances are less likely, that two babies will succumb to the same SIDS we call it here. So love your little baby with all your heart. Remember the other one, write to him, tell him the things you wish you could have done, said, taught him. He is with you everyday in spirit. I journalled everything when I lost my first child. It was the only way I kept my sanity. The heartbreak at the time seemed unbearable. Over time, you will relax. Feeling as you do is because you have a sweet heart.

Aww im sorry for your loses, and i no that but for some reason i just always kick myself down for it. i could have changed what happened dont you think? and he died of cot death thats what imean.. Yes he is an angel :) and im proud of that. I always try and remind myself that, that im goin to see him again. but for some reason its just not enough if you know what imean? My new nephew is a splitting image of the one that died and i think thats whats making it harder. ilove him with all my heart and i take every chance i get to hold him and feed him. Iswear he was bought here as a gift. He's a miracle. I have filled out a whole 40leaf portfolio of stuff about my passing nephew and nearly a full book of quotes, its helped me through so much, thankyou for your very nice comment. it actually made me smile(:

Young people your age blame themselves for a lot of things that happen in this world. But I don't thing you could have prevented it. Sometimes for reasons we don't understand, things happen out of our control. They are meant to teach us somehow. We are to learn to be humble, and not take things for granted. EVER. Family especially. Each baby is a gift and a miracle. Think of it two little specks smaller than (.) this dot managed to find their way together in a woman's womb. Which to their size it like a vast ocean. I am awed by this! And those two little specks turn into a baby of 7 bls or so kicking and crying and they grab your heart as soon as you see their face and you are trapped in love. A love that will never end. It surpasses anything on this earth and beyond. You feel all this now with your little one, and it will be even stronger when you have your own. Can you imagine? Don't get in a hurry though. lol Make sure you are ready having babies is a lot of work worry and responsibility. Where are you from?

yeah i guess i am blaming myself, but really its hard not to. my first hold and then my last kiss. they stick out like a needle to me, teach us? i dont no what that has taught me, yet. i guess when im older and look back, everything will all make sense. but untill that day i dont no what im going to do. im from New Zealand, you?