No Appropriate Title

I had a kidney transplant almost 15 years ago, when I was 10. It now functions at about 19-20%, which is not ideal for pregnancy. In fact, I was told I couldn't conceive at all. I brushed it off and never thought much about it, thought I didn't care and never wanted a baby.
Then, one night I went to the hospital for what I thought was an infection in my transplant and the doctor told me I was also pregnant.
My husband and I had the same exact reaction... WHAT?!
After the shock wore off we became pretty excited and I stopped worrying too much about my health. I thought, God must have a plan for this little baby.
A couple months later I had an appointment with my nephrologist 2.5 hours from my house and ended up going to the ER after...
After 8 hours, the ultrasound tech was finally doing my ultrasound. He wasn't very talkative and he refused to look at me and was very scattered when trying to tell me the doctor would be right in. I had a feeling that wasn't standard...
After the doctor looked he said the most horrifying thing. "I'm really sorry but we can't find the heartbeat anymore"
and then he patted me on the knee and said don't worry, you can have another one.. this is very common...

Probably the last thing you should say to a woman.
I had to tell my husband over the phone that our baby was gone.

It took several weeks to finally pass and I was bleeding severely so I went to the ER again (sorry for the TMI) and that's when the baby came out - literally saw him and then had to throw him in the "hazardous waste" garbage like a piece of trash.

I struggled with why God would give us something we thought we didn't even want to make us want it.. then take it away.
But, through this situation we have inspired other people with our faith and some may think it's crazy but that's reason enough for me.
Although, I can't have babies... I know one is waiting for mommy and daddy in heaven.
theresatopolski theresatopolski
1 Response Jun 10, 2012

I'm sorry for your loss. :(