Heartbroken

I was 18, recently married and pregnant for the first time. I was suprised and excited a the thought of being a mother. My pregnancy went well and I didn't have any problems. I was 33 wks along when I went in for an ultrasound and everything was fine and they gave me a pic of my baby girl Annalise. The following week i went for a check up, when they put the doppler on my belly the nurse was having trouble finding the heartbeat. So they sent me to the hospital across the strret for another ultrasound. I didn't even cross my mind when I was there I just though well maybe she's hiding. They called me in and prepped me for the ultrasound. That's when I started feeling nervous when I looked at the nurses face when I asked if she checked my baby's heartbeat. The ultrasound was finished and I cleaned my self up and waited for my doctor to come. She took me to a little room and told me something I would never for get. She told me "Im sorry but your baby is stillborn" after the shock came the tears.She hugged me and tried to console me. I walked around the hospital like a zombie trying to call my husband and family. Within a few hours my whole family was there and I was getting prepared for induction and delivery. My husband stayed in the hospital with me and was there when I delivered a 3 lb baby girl. She was perfect. I was so mad at the world and at god for doing this to me. My dreams and hope for this baby were crushed in an instant. I asked myself why? what did I do to deserve this. I remember being in the recovery room and seeing babies being taken to their mothers and, being so mad and jealous of their happiness. The next day i was home making funeral arrangments for my baby, breaking down while shopping for caskets. We had a small ceremony in a neighborhood church and my mother in law gave us a funeral plot that was next to her mother so she would be close to home and close to her grandma. This was on 2006. I was blesses the following year with another baby girl and again 2 months ago with a boy. Words cannot describe the pain of losing a child. But I learned to cope and live with the pain. I think about her alot and all that she would have been. I have a keepsake box of her pictures and a lock of hair i turn to when im feeling down. I don't talk about her alot. Cause no one will understand unless they have gone through this themselves and because it's hard to hold back tears. Missing my baby girl and waiting for the day I get to hold her in my arms again.RIP Annalise
bv830 bv830
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 12, 2012

l am afather to 4 wonderful children but to lose my baby girl was like my first people would say it was,nt mean,t to be at least youve got children. then i would say have you ever lost a child and they would say no .There are no words to explain or make it better. Our baby girl a stem grouth we had to stop her heart beat at 6 months bless every one that,s been trough this.

That's Unfortunate. Cheer up though, a mere century ago and practically every woman had a stillbirth, miscarriage or young child die. There are ample opportunities to have children in the future.