My Angel Princess Jaylie

It was November 20th 2012 , I was 5 months into the pregnancy when I lost my baby girl . " No young girl should go through this , im so sorry but there isn't a heartbeat " keep re-playing in my mind . " You're 15 you didn't deserve the baby " , " You were stupid enough to open up your legs so deal with it " is just some thing I've heard since telling people about what happened ( today ) and they get to me and they hurt . I mean just three weeks ago I had my baby girl in my arms the perfect mix of me and her father , but she wasn't breathing , she wasn't crying , she was just there . She looked to be just asleep , but I knew I would never see her awake . That image of her is just stuck in my mind constantly coming up whenever I see anything that reminds me of her . It hurts more and more each day , I miss the feeling of being pregnant , I miss knowing she was in there all warm and what I thought was safe . I do blame myself for this , I don't know why but I just do . And I don't think I will ever not blame myself . No 15 year old girl should have to say " I have lost a baby " But I have to . Do I regret getting pregnant ? At first , yes I did . But now I don't its showed me a whole new perspective on life , and its showed me how much a body can really change . I just wish that in 4 months I would be able to hold my healthy Jaylie in my arms , and be able to bring her home . . .
RIPJaylie RIPJaylie
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 11, 2012

I am so sorry for you loss I just lost my son at 22 weeks. I know how you are feeling and let me just say no matter what age you are a mother should never have to go through this. And for someone to say something like that to you is horrible. I hope you are able to find peace.

I know exactly how you feel, I was six months into my pregnancy when I lost my baby girl, her name is Zoey. I went compleately numb when they told me there was no heartbeat, I have nightmares about the ultrasound and I keep hearing the doctors saying "we can't find the heartbeat" it's been six months and I still can't eat or sleep. Even if my baby girl had survived she would have been in the hospital for surgeries because she had a development problem with her belly. The doctors said if all had gone well she would have been home on Christmas Day. I lost her on July 26 2012