The Last Thing I Expected.

That day I was excited cause I knew it might have been "the day". I expected for the doctor to say..."its time to induce, are you ready to meet your daughter?" not "we cant get a heartbeat, we have too induce immediately!" I was only 5 days away from my duedate and so excited and as happy as a new mommy could be and in a flash it was all taken away. The whole pregnancy was great and I went in for what I thought would be my last appointment and found out I was losing my life! Everything was good and some nights when I want to hold her or just even hear her cry for me I dont understand. I miss everything, her kicks, tumbles, the way she responded to my voice...i want it all back and I cant. That whole day I was in the hospital I kept thinking "this cant be, i was only here a couple days a ago and everything was good, her breathing, brain, and heart....everything was good. It was so hard to deliver a baby I knew wouldnt be crying when she came out. This pain is unbearable, like nothing Ive ever felt before...its not like losing a boyfriend or getting a new tattoo...its a pain I wouldnt even wish  apon my worst enemy. Weeks later I find out why, why she died on me, well it turns out I had a active little girl in there and she had wrapped her cord around herself 4 times which cause her to suffocate herself. What was I supposed to do with that...just except it. Well I cant and maybe one day I will but right now, im so angry and hurt. I have a hard time being happy for people even though I know I should be. I need help. I keep thinking how can people help me who know exactly how I feel when I cant even help myself. All I know is I want my little girl and cant have her. Am I wrong for feeling this way and if not how am i supposed to react. She would have been 5 months in February and I am having such a hard time dealing with it all. I feel for all of you, whether it was miscarriage or even losing one you did have the chance to meet. I feel for all of you!

MyBabygirlAiley MyBabygirlAiley
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 20, 2010

No you are not wrong for feeling this way at all. The pain will heal and i am so sorry fro your loss!

i lost my lil boy to cot death on the 22nd of sept 2010 he was 7 weeks old i didnt expect it but it happened and i tryed to save him with cpr but nothing would briong my lil boy back so i no how u r feeling because i feel the exsact same way, i miss him crying for his mommy and feeding him bathing him and giving him a love and a kiss he was such a handsome boy his name was jamaal and it ment that. i miss breast feeding him and everything, everyday i think to myself what did i do to deserv this, y me , what have i done wrong some time its iva a matter of life and death with me because i feel lost and lonley and dnt feel rite because i wish i could have done more but i couldnt, i tyred and tryed to keep my prince alive but he passed away i was so gutted so helpess i cnt get over it and my heads killing me, babe u will never get over it but u have to carry on and handel it the way u think is write not what others say or because they do not no how u r feeling but i do and i am really sorry for your loss of ur baby girl she is playing with my son now bouncing on cloude 9 u have to think about what she wants her mommy to do. just cuz she is not here in life she is in spirit and wen u cry she crys, wen u stress she stresses, wen u smile she happy just for her being in ur belly because she with u every step if the way and you will see her again beleive me. so sorry

You must be very sad... I hope that your family can help you in moment.<br />
God bless you..My prayers will be with you too.