The Last Thing I Expected.
That day I was excited cause I knew it might have been "the day". I expected for the doctor to say..."its time to induce, are you ready to meet your daughter?" not "we cant get a heartbeat, we have too induce immediately!" I was only 5 days away from my duedate and so excited and as happy as a new mommy could be and in a flash it was all taken away. The whole pregnancy was great and I went in for what I thought would be my last appointment and found out I was losing my life! Everything was good and some nights when I want to hold her or just even hear her cry for me I dont understand. I miss everything, her kicks, tumbles, the way she responded to my voice...i want it all back and I cant. That whole day I was in the hospital I kept thinking "this cant be, i was only here a couple days a ago and everything was good, her breathing, brain, and heart....everything was good. It was so hard to deliver a baby I knew wouldnt be crying when she came out. This pain is unbearable, like nothing Ive ever felt before...its not like losing a boyfriend or getting a new tattoo...its a pain I wouldnt even wish apon my worst enemy. Weeks later I find out why, why she died on me, well it turns out I had a active little girl in there and she had wrapped her cord around herself 4 times which cause her to suffocate herself. What was I supposed to do with that...just except it. Well I cant and maybe one day I will but right now, im so angry and hurt. I have a hard time being happy for people even though I know I should be. I need help. I keep thinking how can people help me who know exactly how I feel when I cant even help myself. All I know is I want my little girl and cant have her. Am I wrong for feeling this way and if not how am i supposed to react. She would have been 5 months in February and I am having such a hard time dealing with it all. I feel for all of you, whether it was miscarriage or even losing one you did have the chance to meet. I feel for all of you!