I Lost My Faith In Conventional God After A Seminary...

I became a very zealous Christian at the age of 15. No one could convince me that I was wrong. At the age of 22 I went to a theological seminary... That's where all the turmoil started. I know a lot of things I learned there were just theories since in religion nothing can be proven, same as existence of God... But the theories that the Bible was created my humans to their own convenience and that Jesus is not a son of God but some kind of prophet; the theories that the image of Jesus as a son of God and the concept trinity were created several centuries after Jesus had gone away (or whatever happened to him)... all of that just was more consistent and more convincing than anything I'd read in the Bible or heard in the church...
I lost my faith in Christianity... But Jesus had always been something special to me... he was God to me... who loved me... at that point I just didn't know what to make of it... All I could see that God or any kind of prophet would never create anything like what we call religion... Religion is exclusive, divisive, hostile, unloving, judgmental etc. Christians hate Muslims, Muslims hate Christians, Jewish hate everyone altogether... I just couldn't't be a part of it any more... and this convinced me even more in the "wrongness" of the Bible... Now, however, after I lost it... I don't know what to believe in... I always held strong values and principles in life but they were based on Christian views... Now, I don't know what my principles are any more. I want to believe in something that is uniting, loving, non-judgmental... I want to believe in humanity... I want to believe that people by their nature have goodness in them... I know, however, some are in disconnect with that goodness. I don't want to deny God... But I don't want to redefine God according to my own understanding of God... I want something universal... Oh, I don't even know what I want...
Sometimes, I think... Maybe there are different stages of faith... A person might find God in one of the religious settings... but then, faith is supposed to grow and change... I think when a person becomes a part of any religious group, be it Christan, Muslim or anything else... s/he is at the very infant stage of the faith. Then one goes through questioning, doubt, denial and something else... until one, finally, comes to understanding that we are one and we are supposed to treat others like they are a part of ourselves. They all have the same spark of life inside and in order to keep the world functioning, we need to be loving of that spark... Maybe... But as far as God goes... Maybe God is that spark... and heaven and hell? I don't know...
annaniz annaniz
26-30
7 Responses May 7, 2012

I went to a Christian school for six years, and after a 30 year religious hiatus, became Buddhist as this provides the answers for me that Ch. couldn't. Through my ignorance I used to inwardly scoff at Christians (which I regret and which was wrong). But a Ch. friend who has gone through great suffering has transformed herself to a different person, one who keeps moral discipline and is much less angry. Through her example, she has transformed my understanding of the essences (of -both- these religions): love, kindness, compassion, wisdom. I really love Jesus' example & his teachings too, which thru my Buddhist faith I see in a different way now. However, one thing that I have to help me through life's difficulties is the Law of Karma. Only then could I make sense of all life's sufferings, in my own personal experience and -how- to use compassion for those who wrong me, etc. Buddhism also gives me the tools to easily apply these things in my life. I see so little difference in what is required of a human being whether Ch or B that once I went up to a J witness giving out mags and had a chat to her. I received quite a hostile reception which reminded me that the acceptance of another's path doesn't go both ways! Anyway I see Jesus' teachings and Buddhas teachings on a parallel except 84,000 teachings of Buddha teachings survive, so theres aloth there to explore. Looking through the viewpoint of the oneness of all things, both B and J, to me, are Sons of God, whatever God is. One of my B. friends has very strong faith in Buddha, and Jesus. She combines both, and Jesus is her spiritual guide. So she has kept the Christian part with Jesus, and uses the B part to help daily life using teachings as tools to more easily overcome difficulties and guide all her actions. J's and B's teachings are not mutually exclusive. Through reading various posts I believe that alot of resistance and dismay at life's crappy hand dealt to us is often unable to be explained. Sure it is God's Plan for us, but applying Karma here within that just makes it so much easier to deal with, as suffering is more understandable. Its easier to accept something when you understand it better.

Re riley7523.<br />
The author of this post has not been around for a while so will comment on your reply.<br />
Faith is belief without evidence.<br />
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The evidence to support many things is available in the 21st century even if you are unaware that it exists.<br />
Many people worship the creation but not the creator.

Please excuse me while I ramble.<br />
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So many people seem to think that you need to believe in god to have morals. Who would you trust more, someone who was good to you just because that's how they are or someone who is good to you because they expect to get a reward.<br />
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Morals are pretty much manufactured. We as a society generally agree on a set of rules so that we can all coexist more or less in peace. Often times some group or other will try and convince you that they are the ones that know what is right and wrong but if you look close you will see that the rules they live by are set up to be to their advantage not yours. <br />
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Want to know the creator, first learn everything you can about the creation. Look around and enjoy the world with your own eyes.<br />
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Faith is belief without evidence.<br />
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I have had people point out that often times when life is really tough people will "turn to god". Just because some one who has no where else to turn, hopes and wishes that there is a god to bail them out of whatever trouble they are in, doesn't make it so.<br />
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All this said, just because I have not seen any evidence of god does not mean that there is no god. I strongly believe however, that none of the religions that I know of are anywhere close to the truth.<br />
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And just another random thought. We may live in an infinite universe but that does not imply that it is the only one. Some universes may have gods and others might not.

Annaniz, i really can relate to what u wrote and how u feel. i think i am in a similar spot as well. i can't believe how many devout believers feel the need to post. its that condescending attitude that helped to push me away and helped to awaken all the doubts and questions i have. i try to cling to the belief that God,(whoever and whatever) will help me get to where i need to be. i really identify with native American spirituality but i am white and it feels wrong trying to believe something i am not.

Dont lose faith in god, lose faith in religion.<br />
@LaynePCP<br />
Isnt the god that any religion worships man-made aswell. After-all, a man wrote the bible, a man coined the term God, a man started every religion. In my opinion god works differently in each person so to say that theres a universal code that each person must to live by, is insanity. God isnt a set of laws, God isnt a man in sky who has total power over everything. God (to me) is a feeling of love and wellbeing that comes from within and acting out of a connection to this feeling natually brings about positive experiences. If your are living in that love, than you are that love, and you attract and create more love.<br />
Or maybe you are a sinner for creating a false idol in your own image and deserve to burn in hell for all of eternity.... I guess its your choice what to beleive in.

Hi my friend, do you know what you are doing? You are creating an idol god to suit yourself. The god you are seeking after doesn't exist.....what you should do friend is, ask yourself why am I creating a god that does not judge? Is it because I love living my own way apart from His ways?....Jesus said in John 3:19-20 that those who wouldn't come to Him on His terms as the Living Son of God, the Savior from mankind's sins, wouldn't because they loved their evil deeds......<br />
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Friend, you can't see God's love without seeing His wrath against sin, because it's all there at the cross.....His mercy and love for you met with His wrath and judgement to be poured out on you and that is where Jesus became your Savior.....but you have to accept Him on His terms my friend.<br />
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If you want to talk about this please feel free to message me and we can go into the particulars of what is troubling you.