I Am Working On Finding Myself

I have lost myself. being my family's scapegoat and constantly being harrassed by them has left me with a low selfesteem, and a deep hunger for love. I find it hard to believe that anyone will ever love me, that anyone will ever care about me as a friend or a lover.

Reading stories about people in my same situation that have left their abusive family have helped me in a way. It has helped me know what the right thing to do is, Cut them off permanantely. but it's scary. to be without my family would be so scary to me.

still when i really focus on how my life would be if they weren't in my life i feel excited. i feel happy. i guess getting rid of them would help me discover myself. that's what alot of the victims claim it did for them. once they left their abusive families they say they got to know themselves. that's what i need to do. i need to get to know myself, i need to find myself, and forget everybody else, leave them in the past.

I worry about what they'll say. I can imagine them saying "veronica is so ungreatful" "omg, she is horrible not speaking to her parents/family" and making up lord knows what else about me because they love to gossip about me. They love to make up crazy rumors about me.

Then again, they talk about me regardless. whether i am here or not they will always say hurtful things. whether it's behind my back or to my face, so i might as well cut them off and not stick around to hear it. why endure their blows?!

will i regret it?, will i miss them?, will i be alone forever?..........time will tell.
i'm just so confused. are there anymore decent people out there? and if so would they care to be a part of my life? would they want to be my friend? will i be a walking target, once people find out i have no family?,...i'm terrified.

maybe if i just tried it out for a year. an entire year of no contact, and see how that goes, and depending on the results of that i will go from there on.

yup;) that sounds good
veronica4ever veronica4ever
26-30, F
3 Responses Sep 5, 2012

You might regret cutting ties with your family, especially if someone dies and you don't get the chance to resolve your issues with them. Just remember life is too short to hold on to pain and anger. But the doesn't mean your family has the right to say mean or abusive things to you. I suggust that you talk to your family and tell them your concerns. Try and make healthy boundaries for yourself and them. My mother has said the most hurtful things to me. I finally told her my concerns, what she can and can't say to me, and I only spend a few hours with her at a time. When she starts to say mean things to me, I politely and calmly tell her if she continues to speak like that I will leave.

It will take time but you'll find yourself. Good luck :)

i understnad why you would advice me to talk to them. normal people resolve their problems by talking but not my family. when i've tried to tell them how they make me feel they either laugh at me or accuse me of being a liar. or simply ignore me all together. thnx for the advice.

Nothing ventured nothing gained,get away from this environment for a while. You will always have family,never worry about anyone finding out you have no family. It's a matter of choice wether you want to be part of it, or not.<br />
Try discussing it with your parents and let them know how you feel.<br />
Good luck with your finding yourself.

thnx weewass :)

my suggestion to you is... never, ever cut your fmily ties. ever!<br />
sit yourself down and make some rules to be discussed with them. be firm but not snotty about it. don't forget the, FIRM part. be consistant and don't give them any slack ...<br />
you are their child, NOT their doormat.<br />
you are also at fault for allowing them to make you feel this way.<br />
Good Luck to You,

thnx for your advice, i've recently been reconsidering this myself. lol my family would never listen to me if i said anything about how i feel they would laugh. it's happened before.