My Dad Earned His Wings On 12/12/12

My dad was diagnosed with a binine brain tumor 13 years ago, October 2011 the tumor came back but this time it was a stage 4 tumor. The worst one you can think of. They gave him a prognosis of two years or less. I always thought, as i'm sure many of you do, that my dad was going to beat those odds. That he was going to be here much longer than 2 years. Anyways, with chemo, steroids, avastin, and some radiation the only noticeable difference in my dad after a year was time management, some confusion and the weight he had gained from the steroids. When you read other peoples stories who are in the same situation, we actually considered him lucky. One night he told my mom he wasn't feeling well, and the week before that we had noticed some decline in his memory and behavior...we knew something wasn't right. That tuesday night he got up from the kitchen table and just collapsed. My mom thought he was having a seizure, she called me which luckily I was at a friend's house a mile away, and she called 911. We just thought he was having a seizure....he was trying so hard to push himself up. I know he wasn't ready to go and he looked so scared it was horrible. I tried to keep him calm and held his hand until the EMT's arrived and just kept telling him it was ok and that I loved him so much. I had no idea at the time that he was dying. We rushed over to the hospital and when we got there the doctor had told us that they lost his heartbeat on the way there but they were working on him. We watched them do CPR on him for an hour...until they finally called it. I am just in such shock and 12:11 am, it'll be a month already. How did a month go by so quickly? I just don't understand....why was this his plan? My family has gone through enough heartache...I have a 17 year old sister who is autistic, and she'll never understand that daddy isn't coming home...My heart feels empty and broken. My mom lost the love of her life of 25 years. And I lost my dad....everytime I say it I lose my breath. It all happened so fast...we never got to finish our interupted conversations and unanswered questions about some things. I am 21 years old. I have been with a wonderful guy for 3 years...we're planning on getting engaged and instead of being thrilled I can't help but feel so sad. My daddy won't be here to walk me down the aisle, to be a grandfather and to watch me grow up and really start my life. I am just lost.
Kristen1101 Kristen1101
Jan 11, 2013