Cancer Killed My Hero.

M y grandfather, Thomas Dale Kerns, passed away on 9/9/09, about 3 weeks ago.  We were blessed to have him around for 8 years after being diagnosed with prostate cancer.  By the end of his time, his cancer had progressed to bone cancer, and spread through basically his whole body.  He was an amazing man.  My own father has never been around much, and my stepfather, try as he might, didn't quite fill the shoes.  But my Papaw, my mother's father, was literally my hero.  He was the rock of our family and when we lost him, everything changed.  I'm not sure who I am or who I am supposed to be... so much has happened in my life recently, but his death CRUSHED me and my family.  He died 12 days before my 19th birthday... which was put on the back-burner this year, considering everything going on... I don't even care though. I just miss him with every bone in my body.  I feel lost without him around to give me advice and help me through everything.  I have never experienced a family death until this...and I don't know how to handle it.  I try to think he is in a better place, but my faith in this "better place" is deteriorating with my soul.  I don't know how to feel, what to think or believe, or what to do with the rest of my life... lost and confused.