**** Warning This Is Hard To Read**** The Last Days

I walk in the door scan to my right. I can see the back of a hospital bed. It’s facing a wall that is all windows. To the right is a fireplace. As I walk in to the room my eyes squint trying to recognize the faces all around. My eyes find Chance easily; I wait on him to fill me in on who is who. Tried from the day long flight, I plop down into a chair. Only now do I see that no one is in the hospital bed. My heart stops, and I too late? … Everyone seems to calm for that. “Is that my Misty” Mom calls from an unseen room. She hugs me, I hug back.  She looks the same very think long dark stringy hair just pass her shoulders. Here eyes look heavy, I can’t tell if she is high or just sleepy?

How are you holding up, not whole hearty caring, I just wanted to see if she could speak clearly.

You want to see your baby sister? Mom asks to flatly for me to tell anything.

With a nod I follow her to the room, the room is very large, but the floor is coved in clothes and toy. Some plies just as tall as me…. Don’t look at the mess... We haven’t really moved in. Mom tells me

Ahead is a very large sliding glass door.. You can see the hill and mountains.. Outside is gray and fogy..  To the left are to small beds, the 1stis pushed along the wall a small table is between the 1stand 2ndbed.   Donna is on the 2ndbed.  I briefly scan over the room, really just to give my brain a map of the terrain.  I finally allow myself to see Donna, The air from my lungs rushed out of me... I had to clamp my mouth tight to keep form gasping. My eye disobeyed my will and I could feel tears stinging.  She was nothing, bone with tissues for skin. She was gray just like of photos. Her once long blond locks were reduced to little black wisp on her sunken skill. Her lips cracked and her hands were past a gray and truing blackish. I wanted to pull away. I wanted to scream “No, God please” Her weak voice clamed my panic. “What’s up” Then I realized that my Donna was trapped in there. I went into... Ok what do I need to do mode.  She was in so much pain that even the air from someone walking pass would case her to grimmest. The next few hours are a blur of crushing ice, repositioning legs, re-meeting cousins I haven’t seen in 20 years.  Donna never really rested. She would close her eyes, then open them, when I moved to far away she would call out “Misty?”  I would tell her “Donna I am still here.”  I think she needed to know that someone that could keep it all together was with her.  Thanksgiving Day was coming. Soon families would sit around tables with a feast and be thankful.  Thankful right now was a foul word to me. Thankful for the cold house and the nearly unlivable conditions my sister was dying in.

Donna wanted to try sitting on the sofa.  Everyone took as a good sign, I knew better.  It took three of us to move her little dying body.  We used the sheet under her as a sling. Chance on one side me on the other.  We raise her into a wheel chair. Robin making sure the chair was in the right place. Donna looked even paler. The pain she was in was making her shake and sweat.  She didn’t want to lay on “that” bed. “I am not dying on a rented bed” We got her on to the sofa.  I was surprised and how well we were all working together. Following my lead we were able to get her onto the sofa. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t take any more of this.

 

The pain for Donna was relentless.  She was now crying without sound, just gasps.  The medication stopped working. Her body had nothing left for her except pain.  Her breathing was shallow and wet. Her body would twitch, and jolt this motion came in waves. The bleakness grew heavy.  My mind was in sharp focus. This is why I came. I was here to help my sister die. I refused to look into anyone eyes.  As long as I had a job to do I was holding together. Time slowed down. I pleaded to God to take her. Death would be the only end to her pain now. Donna lay there gasping and moaning.  Her eyes closed, mouth open as if she was screaming. He jaw would clench when a jolt was exceptionally violent.  People began to crow around the bed. “Donna it’s ok to go.” Someone choked out. “We are all right here with you” a cousin called just after.  I remembered that Donna has once told me that she didn’t want everyone watching her die. I asked her why.” It would be too hard for me know that I hurting everyone.”  Getting close to her I wisped “sorry baby girl” The air in the room was heavy, I could hear sobbing.”  I looked up to see a room full of people.  My baby brother Michael was crouched down at the foot of the bed.  Thought he was the tallest he looked small and broken. Chance the oldest of us stood the right of the bed. His arms folded, jaw locked tight.  Robin the middle sister was laying face down, parallel to Donnas’ bed. I had not moved from my place on the bed. My legs folded under me, back resting on the wall, Donna heads near my own.  Mom was kneeling at on the opposite side of the bed, holding Donna hand.  I begged God again… Please God end this. The foreign sound of the phone ringing set things into a panic. Donna open her eyes wide.  “Hello” she called out in a dream like voice. Then waves of sobbing filled the room.”Hello” Donna called again. Her tone was like someone lost in the dark. The wailing increased . The phone was shoved into my hand. For a moment I could not recall what to do with this object. 

“Hello…Hello” I could hear calling from the receiver. Without thinking I scooted off the bed and walked into the living room.

“Hello” I answered

Hello” the voice called back

“Jesse” I ask as I recognized the voice.  

“Misty what is going on?” Jesse asked in a panic.   Jesse the middle brother was in prison. Donna and I had planned a visit; I just didn’t make it back home in time.

“Jesse, it very closes” I hopped. 

“Can I talk to her? Jesse pleaded.

 I was about to reply when Robin came up to and asked to talk to him..

“Hold on Robin wants to say something”   I told him thankful that I didn’t have to tell him that I believed it was too late, she wouldn’t know who he was.

I started back toward my post at Donna’s side. The nurse stopped me.

“We are nearly out of the Dalotion” she stated. I could tell she too had been crying, her eyes were red and puffy. 

“Maybe we should call for some more.” I told her” but I am hoping this will not last much longer”

“Yes, she has a strong will.” The nurse answered with fatigue in her voice.

We were interrupted with a loud commotion.

“I’m not going!” Donna was yelling. Her voice was determined and forceful.   Robin was screaming “Help her, somebody help her”

I turned into the room.  My baby sister who had been unable to get out of bed for weeks was trying to get to her feet.  Her arm was clutched around Moms neck.  She had one leg on the floor and using Mom as brace she was pulling herself to her feet.

“I am not ******* going” Donna repeated with her typical hot temper. 

Chance and I pulled Donna back onto the bed. She was fighting us and death at the same time.

“Help me Misty please” Donna begged. “Get me out of here.”  Her voice was softer now. She sounded like the little girl that to towed around most of my life.

My heart was reeling. I had prepared myself for Donna dying. I cried, got angry and talked it over with God.  I made my peace with it. I did all the researched.  Survival of stage four ovarian cancers that had spread was almost zero.  I think I understood that this will kill her before she was told by her doctor. But this was unnamable anguish. 

“Donna your ok,” I tried to stay composed. “We are all right here.

The phone was jammed back into my hand.

“Misty! What the hell is going on?” Jesse asked in a panic. “Call 911 or something!” He demanded

“Jesse”, I said calmly, “It is too late for that.”  “

This is not our Donna right now.” I said trying to convents myself as well.

The phone was dead, I didn’t know If he heard me or not. 

Donna was still fighting and begging for help. I could hear someone in the calling out please God please.

I ask the nurse “Do you have anything we can give her?” The look on her face told me that she didn’t.  I climbed up on the bed and got very close to her ear. I wanted for her to be able to feel my breath.

I whispered in a low clam voice. “Donna”

“Donna, you’re not here. I want you to rise above the pain.” I could feel her begin to relax.  She stopped yelling in order to hear what I was saying.

“Feel yourself rise out of this body, above the bed, rise over the house. “ I commanded. “Float high into the sky. Feel the warmth on the sun. Rise above it. Rise above it. I repeated in a slow even chant. 

The mood in the room was calming down.  Outside this room nothing existed.   I could hear more praying, this time I knew it was the nurse. A bite of bitterness crept up… God where are you?  I asked how he could let this go on.

As long as I keep talking Donna stayed calm. Time dripped by. My voice was getting fading in and out from so much talking. It didn’t matter that my legs were numb, my back was contorted.  I could not stop. 

Donnas’ body was jumping less but when it did it was violent. Then she was shimmy like an old car trying to stall.  Her beating was intermitting. I would get my hopes up that it was finished only to have a gasp of betraying breath escape from her lips. 

My chant continued.  The world paused as Donna died devastating slow.

The new medicine showed up and the nurse asked everyone se to step out of the room so she could replace the IV bag. 

 “I may need your help” She directed to me… I nodded without stopping my chant for Donna.

“I am not leaving my sister.” Robin claimed defiantly

Mom pulled her out of the room without incident.   Chance slinked into the wall going unnoticed.  The nurse worked on Donnas’ arm, I keep whispering.  The tubing had been change and as the nurse was getting the new bag, I placed my hand on her shoulder. “ I don’t think we need that’” My voice sounding loud after all the whispering.  With a nod the nurse but the bag of medicine down and went to her bag. Robin peeked in the room and instantly knew that was going on.

“What the ****! You let my sister die after you kick me out of the room? She was hot with anger and pushed her way into the room.

She grabbed Donnas’ hand and wailed out loud. 

Everyone poured into the room with a mixed of anger and sorrow.

I was feeling relived. It was over, no more pain. My tears were coming. Then the phone rang. Donna eyes popped open. She sucked in air.  

 

“I am not ******* going” she almost hissed.  Donna tried to sit up again.

I was crushed.  God Why? 

Donna eyes were wide and full of fear and panic. Her once brown eyes were now back and hallow.   My mind flashed to time when I watched my step-day kill a rabbit.  The same inhuman expression was now on my sister’s cancer ridden face. I could not look away from her eyes.  What did she see if the moments of death?  Fancily Donna was trying to escape death.  When she died for the brief moments, she did not see God’s mercy, grace and love.  I don’t know what happened but now Donna was horrified.

“Help me, please help me.”   Donna cried, she sobbed dry tears. “I don’t want to go.” She pleaded again and again.

I was stunned and shocked.  My God was letting me down. He left me alone. My heart was breaking and sprit was slipping into darkness.

I stood frozen, helpless and powerless a protocol from my childhood. 

Again the phone was pushed into my hand.

“Misty, put the phone up to Donna now!” Jesse commanded.

“Jesse she is not herself right now.” I pleaded. I feared what she may say to him.

“Misty, do it.” Jesse said with such force that I obeyed.

Donna turned her head to the phone.

“I don’t want to ******* die” she barked into the phone.

I was shaking, my stomach was twisting my head was pounding.  I began to think I may pass out.

Suddenly Donna let out

“Fine I will do it for my brother!”

The phone was spied out of my hand and I could see Robin talking.

I stated whispering to Donna.

“Rise above it.” She relaxed.” You don’t need this body anymore.” “Just let it go.” Rise above it,  feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. Float above the clouds, Rise even higher “Up over the earth right into heaven. “ Your safe. Just rise above it. I repeated and repeated.

Donnas body shook and raddled to a stop.  This time her hand relaxed. The muscles in her face soften.  The nurse used her stethoscope to confirm what we all knew.  Donna was gone.

mistyfawn mistyfawn
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 23, 2010

Is this real? Its great writing.. I dont get those words u put in tho? Wat do they mean?

Sadly this is real, my little sister died when she was 26. I had a very strong faith in God but it died that day along with my sister.

Im so sorry :( i watched my husband die to.. What is the jumbled letters u put in?

I don't know what letters you mean, where at..I have ***** for the F-word. Is that what you mean?

Ohh its coming up a bunch of letters!

My phone dose that when I try to text a bad word. Donna used the F-word alot that day. I can't believe it has been six years...My mom died two years ago of lung cancer, she passed away peaceful. Cancer Sucks!

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