Confessions of a Former Fat Girl

I joined weight watchers my senior year of college after having been overweight almost my entire life. Over the course of the last 2 years I've lost around 60 pounds. That might not sound like a whole lot, but at under 5 feet tall it transformed by body. Losing weight changed everything.
People treat me completely differently. After suffering through the humiliation at 20 of guys my own age calling me "ma'am" and not really looking at me, it's bizarre to suddenly realize that someone is flirting with me. I still don't really believe it.
I used to loathe having my picture taken. I don't think I'll ever be a camera hog, at least now I can focus on capturing moments in my life instead of worrying about how fat my face will look.
Clothes shopping is a fun experience instead of a nightmare.
The best thing about the weight loss for me is just being able to finally trust and depend on my own body, not having to plan everything I do around how much walking or physical activity is involved or worry about being ashamed because I slow everyone else down.
I have major regrets about not losing the weight sooner. I know that my experiences in high school and college would have been markedly different if I wasn't overweight: I would have been much more outgoing and involved, and I probably wouldn't be so jaded.
That's the thing though---even after you've lost the weight, you don't forget how people will treat you when they think you don't count or matter. It makes it really hard to trust anyone. I'm slowly learning though...

AlwaysAdrift AlwaysAdrift
22-25, F
8 Responses Oct 31, 2007

AlwaysAdrift, countless hours and days of my life have been spent contemplating my life with my obesity, how I should lose a sufficient amount of weight, and what would happen when I do lose it. I've never been happy with my weight-- I was born the heaviest out of my parents' four children(including my brother), and I have always been conscience of my image. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but for *most* of my life, at least, I've seen the difference between regular people and me. Regular people as in the 90% of the classroom that never had to watch what they ate and were able to be completely care-free when recess or gym came along, the people who anybody would be able to speak to without it being uncomfortable. (Gosh, the many times when pupils would say, "Wow, you're smart!" as if being fat came along with having a below-average IQ...?)
I can relate to you, at least, when you hadn't lost all of the weight yet. Yes, taking pictures are horrible! Sometimes, I'll picture myself pretty when I'm forced to take a picture, and then seeing the photo is just... depressing, really. And shopping! I completely feel your pain. Being forced by my mom to try some clothes on, and then trying to keep my composure so she won't ask if I'm okay when my eyes become red after seeing myself in the mirror.
Despite reading that you regretted not losing weight before high school, and actually, despite over a dozen of years of desperately wanting a good figure, I'm considering keeping my weight on during high school. This is my major setback for losing weight(you've already mentioned it): everyone will treat me differently. Instead of having crushes ignore me after telling them my feelings(it wasn't really his fault-- I did so via text message, and he might/might not have already been dating another girl), guys might actually try to get to know me. Kind souls might not be the only people who go up to me to get to know me. And (I know this from experience), overweight girls will look at me with jealousy, maybe hatred, and possibly not ever want to talk to me. I feel that I would rather get the kind people who feel sorry for me and be ignored or ridiculed by everyone else than get all types of people, good and bad, and be somewhat popular. Yes, I know that not only nice people will be okay with me, but more nice people than nasty ones, I'd say.
I'm going to be a freshman in two months. Should I work on my health with vigor, everyday, and hope that I can make good, positive friends, or should I not, and just face my weight for another four years? Honestly, I think that the former is a better option, now that I'm considering the health benefits. To everyone that has a weight problem that they are currently struggling with, I hope you find the strength and determination that I have yet to obtain. God bless you all here on experience project. :)

I hear you...been there, done that. Yes to all of the above :)<br />
You're young...time has a way of healing wounds. You have the power to forgive those with lesser have the ability to move on and realize your inner hot chick!

I loved your post! Great title, btw. I totally feel you on the face fatness & clothes shopping nightmare, haha :), glad you're out of that stage! I've just started my diet and, so far, I've been successful!! Hopefully, in the future, I'll be posting my former fatty confessions!! Wish me luck! :)

i can relate to what your are saying i was heavy all my life when i was in school i used to be called weeble. it reaaly hurt. so iknow how you feel i have lost 117lbs in a year. so congrats on your weight loss and keep up the good work. and yes i know about apporavl from past friends i was there and still am. i have lost the weight and still need to lose more but when i lok in a mirror i still see the heavy person i was a year agon and not what i am know.

I can totally understand this...lost 120 lbs in one year...and people totally treat you different..I used to have to track employees at stores down for help..I now have people running up to me the moment I arrive asking if they can help me and how...I dont blame them all tho...some were out right mean when your overweight and purposeful in their actions..but i believe most people dont even know they are treating you different..I kinda think its built in as bad as that might sound..people do have a basic instinct of "survival of the fittest" and when you are not pleasing to them they pass you over..I think when I was fat I projected my dislike for myself on to them believing they treated me that way cause I was fat, but really it was my own attitude coming back at me..Someone recently told me that when I was fat she thought I hated her..she didnt understand why..but was scared to speak to me..I never had a problem with this I figure it was just my hate for myself that people mistook...Congrats on the losses! You Rock!

How did you lose weight?

Thanks for your comments; it's comforting to know there are people out there who know what I'm going through. =) I too have conflicting feelings about seeing people who knew me (and ingored or ridiculed me) when I was overweight. While I'd like to be able to say that I've grown beyond wanting their approval, a part of me would love nothing more than to show up at a reunion and rub their faces in how dramatically I've changed. And I have totally been mistaken for a man----by a cop giving me a speeding ticket, no less =p Feeling invisible, like a total nonperson, was my least favorite thing about being heavy. To be in a "singles" type of situation and have people look straight through you like you aren't even there---talk about demoralizing! It is totally crazy getting that "you don't know what I'm going through" look. And I know what you mean; I used to feel the same way about anyone slimmer than me. I feel like I should be wearing a "Former Fat Chick---I understand!" t-shirt or lapel pin or something.

It is interesting to be in a position of contemplating "forgiveness" isn't is? I have lost about 100 pounds...the good old fashioned way of exercising and watching everything I ate. My father in law was the hardest to deal with...from treating me like dirt because I was extremely overweight to then a queen. <br />
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It was very difficult to forgive him but the choice was now mine to make.<br />
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As for men....oh...I could go on and on! I understand AlwaysAdrift...I totally understand :)