Where Did I Go?

I have changed.... I have became a bitter, cranky, and unpleasant to be around.  Life has not turned out as I had hoped and as it SHOULD have.  However I believe you make the bed you lay in.  Knowing this I am trying to bring out the real me.  I know this isn't me.  This is just a mask I have put on to hide my disappointment and discontent with life.  I am actually a very FUN person who use to actually have friends and who people use to really like.  Life is too short to be stuck being sad and mad all the time.  I am getting older but am not too old yet to really make a change and do something to turn this around before I have totally alienated myself from those who I care about.

nkevans nkevans
31-35, F
8 Responses Mar 7, 2009

exactly the same feelings i get...

you are writing about me too...

You know, I'm going through a divorce right now and had a doctor checkup...told her I was feeling depressed. She gave me a prescription for some sort of antidepressant that was on that Walmart $4 a month plan. <br />
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I don't know if I'm going to take it, but she told me I could take it for 3-6 months with no problem, to get me over the worst of the divorce. <br />
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It's an option.

Thanks for the advice. I don't have much money.... would you suggest seeking counseling first or visiting with my dr about medication?<br />
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If you are interested I posted another story "What to do?" that explains a bit about where I am coming from. It could be that my depression has lead to my relationship issues or that my relationship issues have lead to my depression. I am very confused about everything right now and just need some help figuring this mess out. <br />
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I know I probably need to see a counselor at some point but I have been reluctant to do so. However after reading these comments I am thinking medication might be more appropriate for me and that I probably do have some sort of an imbalance that medication could help.

Check out your hormone levels with your doctor. Your feelings could well be related to the constant changes in hormone levels that result from our menstrual cycles.<br />
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If this proves not to be the case, it is one less concern for you.<br />
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Try not to see medication as a personal failure. Unfortunately those of us with depression are often led to believe by society that we are "weak" if we need medication.<br />
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This is TOTALLY untrue! If you had a physical illness (diabetes, arthritis, etc.) that required daily medication, you would not think of yourself as "weak" for needing it. Please view depression medication (if you need it) in the same light.<br />
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Wishing you a better and happier future.

What happened in your life recently? Things were moving along one way, and now they are different?

Thanks Tylorian. I have thought about getting help but don't want to become dependent on medication. I thought I was strong enough to pull myself out of this but maybe I am not.

You're too young for menopause so maybe it's anxiety. I take a medicine for anxiety/depression and it helps. It may sooth your crankiness and sadness. Just a suggestion. I wish you luck hun. **hugs**