My Self-esteem Is Rock Bottom

Hi everybody, this is my first post and I would appreciate your comments.

I’m in a dark place at the moment. I am extremely self-conscious about my physical appearance due to ugly scarring visible on my upper back caused by acne in my teens. On top of that I am bowlegged. These 2 abnormalities causes much anguish in my life and I can’t help obsessing about it and how much I hate it. If I’m invited to a pool party I’ll never swim, in fear that people will notice my scarring or bow-legs and make comments about it. The thing is girls tell me that I am good looking and I always say to myself, “wait until I take my shirt off”.

My self esteem is very low and I have no self-confidence. I’m always afraid of what other people think of me and this affects my job as I often have to facilitate meetings and do presentations, but I’m so afraid of looking stupid in front of everybody. This obviously spills over into social situations. I realise that I need validation from other people to feel good. I’m emotionally dependant on other people to feel good about myself.

What really irritates me is that I recognise that I have a lot going for me – my parents gave me a private school education, I have a university degree, a decent job, I’m musically talented. I have quite a few friends and everybody always tells me how nice I am and how much of a good guy I am and how much they like me. I’ve even dated some pretty girls, but I just can’t get over my insecurities and it’s depressing me to no end. I feel like I’m in a hopeless situation that I can’t out of for the rest of my life.

I just wish that I could stop caring about what other people think about me and be the best person that I can be – I know I’m not realising my full potential as a person. How can I learn to like or love myself and just accept myself the way that I am? HELP!!!

slowhand80 slowhand80
26-30, M
6 Responses Aug 10, 2010

Well just from all that info you shared about yourself, i dont think you have anything to really worry about. lots of women find the bowlegs to be sexy and a turn on, and your scaring just cover it up if you want to swim with friends, improvise, wear a muscle shirt, stop letting these little things bother you, get out live your life have fun, smile, you will be surprised who might be waiting for you around the corner, dont pass up the chance to see whos waiting just to find someone just like you, everybody has a preference on what type of person they like, and someones just waiting to run into you. get out there enjoy life

It sounds to me that you have to stop WORRYING about the way people think of you and LISTEN to the way people think of you... you said it right here that people think you are a nice guy and good looking.. Most people aren't going to care about the scarring on your back. Myself, I look at scars as actually something beautiful.. something that shows you've lived... I know they may not have some exciting story like you were running with the bulls or saving orphans or something lol but they're a part of you and not something to be ashamed of... besides seriously, if someone's not going to want to be with you because you have some scars on your back... is that REALLY someone you're going to want to be with? The outside is just a shell, true beauty (though I hesitate to use that term with a man) is within... It sounds to me like you are good all around. So don't worry so much about it.

excellent, all credit to you. Give yourself a break you are doing fine, better than fine, congrats. Best of luck with everything, this is from Ireland and I really mean it. Keep working hard on yourself and others and you will be rewarded.

Thanks for the words of encouragement! To give you an update, I recently began doing voluntary work at this home that cares for physically disabled people, and it makes me realise that I'm fortunate to have a body that functions.<br />
<br />
Regarding my imperfections, I'm trying to accept the way that I look but it will take some time. I have am also seeing a shrink which is helping as I can get all this stuff off my chest.

No matter what you believe, I am telling you you are great, I have known men who have awful bad scarring on their backs and take it from me women dont care about your back. Its not your back that they are interested in. Its your eyes and your personality and your face and your sense of humour. Let all this worry wash over you , let it go and move on stop dwelling on it. Enjoy your life , easier said than done but comeon dont waste time. Even i its only a little step at a time get on out there. Do voluntary work join a hobby group and meet loads of new people. Come on give it a shot for me......

Try ot get out of YOURSELF, Go out there and make someone happy.Comb ya hair,shine ya teeth and wash ya body(in other words be the best that you can be) and get out there and make someone smile.......EVERYBODY learns sooner or later(too bad for most it's later) that beauty's on the inside.<br />
P.S. Thanks GOD you got a body to have a scar on.