My Low Self Esteem StoryI’ve always been a quiet girl, spending my time in my own little world, enjoying the company of those whom I love, trying to help whoever needs it. Just low profile, really and don’t get me wrong because I do value the silence and I think being quiet has a lot of pros. You may not be the center of the attention (thank god!) but you certainly are observant and learn how to interpret people.
Moving on... My problem here is that I do have low self esteem. I don’t know I guess It has always been a part of me. I never really believed in myself, I know I have capabilities I just don’t put them to use because I’m afraid of failure. I used to be told, by my teacher, as a 1st grader I’d never make it because I was too slow and easily distracted (here I am in college, 2nd year, not really loving it but making it!), I was bullied by older girls when I was in elementary school, was told I was ugly and they would steal my food and rip my clothes, stuff like that.... I never told anyone, I just dealt with the problem alone. I know I’m not ugly, I’m not the most beautiful person either, I’m just average yet there are these days when I feel fat and hideous. It just intensifies my problem. I wish I could believe more in myself, care less about small things and move on with my life. I feel like low self esteem is stealing life from me. I know I want to do things, yet I can’t because I’m afraid I’ll fail and people will just judge and throw it to my face that they warned me or that it was stupid of me to try.
I was molested as a kid. I was about 6 and and there was an 18 year old, I’m not really sure I just know he was way older, who lived around a place where I used to play. I remember he touched me and made me watch him ************, that’s not even the problem because I overcame that and I don’t blame myself. What hurt me, and I believe that’s part of the reason why I have low self esteem, was the fact that the person who was taking care of me, I trusted that person a lot, she was a second mom really, she found out about it saw what he was doing to me and she just threatened me. “If you tell your mom I’ll make sure you never see her again. I’m going to hurt her.” So I never told my mom, and I never will. I don’t want to be a disappointment and I don’t want her to go all crazy about that. I believe some things must stay buried. I told 2 friends about this just because I need to let people in and understand who I am so I can get help too.
Ok so this is it. I feel like low self esteem is taking over my life. I had some progresses, I interact more with people but I feel like I need more because the satisfaction of those progresses is fading and I need to take another step, beat another demon and reach another level in the game.