I Often Feel WorthlessI am struggling with feelings of failure, worhtlessness and helplessness. I feel like I am maladjusted to society and to a working environment. I have zero organisation skills, I cannot plan ahead or anticipate or take initiative. I am always scared of getting things wrong. I have never been able to hold a job for longer than a year (except my current job - 17 months). In all the jobs I have had, I have always had problems coping with the workload, organisation, relationships with colleagues etc etc.
I also feel like I am not good girlfriend material, let alone wife material. I have mental health issues and feel unstable. I feel like I cannot be "normal".
I fell in love with a man who left me after 5 years of a semi-abusive relationship. Then my life fell into a spiral of depression, self-destruction, and vain attempts to meet a new man. I ended up sleeping with more people than I ever had in my life before - because, pathetically, it was the only way I could think of to make a man love me (and of course, it didn't work, and I was dumped time and again by men I had told myself would finally be the one, the one I'd spend the rest of my life with).
I don't feel THIS low all the time... but often. And I don't know how to feel better about myself.
There is a part of my mind that believes I am actually a loveable, valuable person. But it's like my heart can't believe it.
DancingFox 31-35, F 6 Responses 1 Feb 17, 2011