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Well-meaning

When you confess your feelings of worthlessness and general helplessness, or mention that you suffer from depression, there are always well-meaning people throwing advice at you.

"You just need to learn to love/accept/value yourself." - Well, if I knew how to do that, I wouldn't have low self-esteem, would I?
"Just believe in yourself." - I have low self-esteem. Belief in oneself doesn't come easy to the likes of me.
"Just be positive." - Here again, easier said than done - any sentence that begins with "just"... it's never "just" that easy!

I know they mean well. But it doesn't help. It makes me feel like my depression is somehow my fault, like I SHOULD be able to "just" snap out of it, and it adds more guilt to an already burdened heart.

I do want to learn to believe in myself, to love myself, to be positive. But the whole point is, I don't know HOW to do that. So unless you have an actual tip on how I can do it... don't tell me to "just" snap out of it.
DancingFox DancingFox 31-35, F 5 Responses Feb 19, 2011

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Thanks Blushark :)

Thanks for the positive advice and encouragement!

Depression is ****** up. I believe my low self asteem comes, among other things, from my childhood and my issues with my father who has never been very present in my life. Basically it comes down to one question; who the hell will ever love me if not even my father does?<br />
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You could try and find out why, and since when, you are feeling bad/worthless. It comes from something.. Don't feel guilty about being depressed, because it's NOT your fault. It's most likely your environment.<br />
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Jeez I mean look at the world.. People are deceiptful, fake.. There's so much pressure to be like this, like that, and advertisement saying buy this buy that and your life will be perfect.. (which it won't, surely) <br />
We're living in a world of greed, and it seems that the more we have the more unhappy we get.<br />
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I believe that people suffering from depression have a gift (or curse if you want) - they're a lot more sensitive to impressions than other people. Others choose to live in "denial" and that is how they can go on with their lives. They're forcing themselves to ignore the bad.<br />
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Try and read "The Secret", if you want. <br />
It helped me a lot in self therapy. Probably the only person who can kick your depression is yourself, and this book can help.<br />
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It is hard work, but not impossible, to learn to love one self.

Its horrible isn't it. Depression isn't just an 'off day' or 'getting out of the wrong side of bed' and I think that's what people don't get. I frequently get told to pull myself together and to snap out of it. <br />
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Having a mental health issue is a bit like learning a new language in a way, your brain is not wired to understand at first but slowly you become able to recognise the signs (even if its a bit late!). I find people who haven't had depression before ignorant in a way that they can't help not being able to understand how it feels to be in a very dark place. Because everything is simple to them. And to us, it's not. <br />
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The trick of getting out of this fr<x>ame of mind, is breaking the cycle at the right moment. And that is the problem. Catch 22 isn't it.

i agree 100%, i wish it was something i could just turn on and off like a light swtch but i cant, take care