I Have Low Self Esteem
This is something I wrote a year ago. I wrote it to vent and try to express what I was feeling at the time. It's kinda like a short, short story only kinda ba
The Looking Glass
A girl who no one truly knows comes home from school. She has everything going for her; she has great friends, great parents, strong beliefs and values, wonderful opportunities and talent that she doesn't give herself credit for. But no one REALLY knows the real her. This girl comes home, throws her school stuff down on the bed, goes into the bathroom, and shuts the door. She stares into the mirror. The mirror stares back...mocking her. She stares at the image she sees in the mirror; staring back at herself...or...what she percieves to be herself, searching for who that girl in the mirror really is. The two lock eyes, as the girl searches for the escence of herself. She stares deep into the eyes of the girl in the mirror; the one she doesn't know, trying desperately to learn what lies beyond what she can see. She keeps staring into her eyes...searching. The girl in the mirror stares her down and speaks to her and tells the girl something that, in her knowledge, is the truth. She tells the girl that she is ugly, unattractive, stupid, and foolish. That she will never be anything as long as she lives and that she, no matter what she does, will never be good enough. The girl in the mirror tells her that nobody likes her and that she will never be accepted or belong with anyone, that her best will never be good enough and that her passions will never be strong enough to achieve her dreams. She tells her that her dreams are worthless and unachievable, and that she can try all she wants but she will never EVER be good enough for anything or anyone, not even herself. She makes her feel like a horrible person and that she will never belong anywhere, never be loveable, and makes her hate herself, inside and out. The girl asks the mirror if all this is true. She wants desperately for it all to be a sick lie. She hopes to God that it isn't true.
"Yes," said the mirror. "It is all true. That is how other people see you. That is how I see you. Who knows you better than I?"
The girl did not respond. She searched the mirror's eyes again for a glimmer of hope. She found none, but she desperately did not want to believe.
"I hope you understand that I know you better than anyone. I see you every day, I'm with you every day, and I know, only I know what you really are. You are ugly, stupid, good for nothing, clumsy, little girl who will never submount to anything or please anyone as long as you live," the mirror said with an evil grin.
The girl tries desperately to block out the voice but she can't. She runs out of the room trying to stop the mirror's taunting voice in her head but the farther she runs, the more she hears it and the louder it gets, but she can't possibly face it. This happens every single day. Every single day she hears the voice of the mirror screaming inside her head telling her that she will never be good enough, she will never be pleasing...EVER. She battles these voices every day of her life but the farther she runs or tries to run, the louder still it gets, and the stronger the desire for release from this demon grows. She comes to terms that she will have to fight to defend herself against this ultimate defeat until someone who cares enough, will convince her that the mirror is wrong, and to see herself differently.
*This is a true story*
I am the girl, still battling the mirror, and what it tells me. The mirror is weaker now, but still there, taunting me. I won't stop fighting until its evil words cease.
