Nothing To Show For It

I've always felt like I'm not good enough, and that I don't have any friends. People always tell me I'm pretty and I should be a model but when I look in the mirror all I can see are imperfections. I could usually care less about how people perceive me from the outside, my real problem is that I feel like I don't have any friends because of my personality or the way I act. I don't know if there's actually anything wrong with me, but since I feel that way I'm able to come up with a lot of things.

I've never really had many friends my whole life (I'm 19 now) and it seems to be a running theme. I've had lots of "friends" that don't talk to me anymore or could just care less about me now, but nobody has truly been there. I try as hard as I can to do whatever I can for people, to help people, or brighten someone's day, ect. but I feel like my effort is meaningless. I always look at people who have large groups of friends or even a best friend, and wonder why I can't have that.

I don't feel like I'm good at things I do, like things I learn in college or things I enjoy doing, which most often leads to me abandoning them or losing interest. No matter how good I get at something there's always someone who can do it better, always. I had a little break down at school the other day because I was stressed out about getting all my work done. My prof took me aside and told me that I had nothing to worry about because I was in the top students of the class, I was a beautiful young lady, that I had a great personality for my industry and that she knew I was going to go far. Most people would be truly flattered, but I honestly didn't believe a single word.
Smashleykat Smashleykat
18-21
May 23, 2012